I absolutely love love love Fridays. I wait all week for them. It’s possible that it’s my favorite day at work. We and my work boyfriends (a few guys that I always eat lunch with) call it “anything goes Friday” because we try our best during the week to eat well, but Fridays we go wild!! I come in to work in a great mood on Fridays, and the biggest part of Friday is I usually dress a little nicer than usual. Kinda backwards because Fridays are usually a dress down for people, but I’m different so accept it and get over it! Lol. But even though it’s such a great day, I accidently caught one of my co-workers checking out my butt!! It was a very startling moment…
Now, I do have to say, this co-worker has openly expressed his interest in me over and over and over and over and OVER again. We actually went on a date, even though I didn’t realize it was a date until he asked me “so why are you single?” and I had to respond saying “I’m not, I’ve been seeing someone for almost 3 years.” Now that was truly awkward! But I digress… I was looking in the refrigerator in our break room for some lemon juice I had and I mean I was searching. I was checking the bottom shelves bending over really in there looking when I heard something behind me so I stood up and turned around. Low and behold, there was my co-worker, leaning against the door down the hall getting a good look at my rear end. He didn’t apologize, I even did the shocked =-O face but it didn’t matter. He smiled and walked away. I was at first in the position to be stunned that he was so bold about it and I even posted it on Facebook. One of my friends, Michelle, responded saying “What was he supposed to do? lol” and you know what, she is absolutely right! It was there Now I am far from a fan of being sexualized, I absolutely hate it, but it was just his eyes. He didn’t touch me, he didn’t say anything vulgar, he wasn't licking his lips having that total perv thing going on with his hand in his pocket (I'm not going to explain that if you don't know what that is lol), he is actually an attractive man and I have been doing mad squats and cycling so it actually made me feel kind of good :) . The majority of women in America want to feel attractive and sexy, so what’s wrong with a little attention? Isn’t that a part of WHY we get dressed up, smother our pores in layers of make-up, and damage our hair to no end with flat irons and curling irons?
I think it is in human nature to find yourself looking at something that is appealing to you, whether it is a pair of amazing shoes, breathtaking sunset, or an incredibly chiseled man or curvy woman. Don’t take everything so seriously. Just because a person is checking out your body doesn’t mean that they want to rip your clothes off and throw you up against the wall and have their way with you. Maybe they are just admiring what you have going on. And even if they do what to reenact a scene from 50 Shades with you, it doesn’t mean they see you as a sexualized object and don’t respect you. Don’t be offended, be flattered! I think as women with our semi-feminist ideologies we want so hard to be seen a person and not an object that we misread situations quite often as something as harmless or even PG rating as vulgar and degrading. We are not a nifty gadget for men to play with if we don’t allow it! Men thrive off the physical until they get to know the emotional or mental so don’t be upset if he is only attracted to the physical, help get to know the rest of you! If he gets to know the rest of you and still know is worried about your rockin’ bod, then worry!
Monday, March 10, 2014
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
T-Pain is Insecure
Typically, I don’t listen to the radio. A few weeks ago though, I was listening to a song on the radio that forced me to turn it off. It was a song by T-Pain called “Up Down (do this all day)” (I just discovered this was the title). I wasn’t paying much attention to the lyrics until one in particular stood out to me that said “she don’t even like girls but a stack will make her kiss her”. It made think about T-Pain a little deeper. His song sent a clear message to me.
T-Pain’s music isn’t an ode to how he feels about women; it is reflection on how he feels about himself. He has made it ever so obvious that he has very low self esteem. There is no man that I know of that would want to have a woman that could be classified as “ratchet” or “trashy” and by the description of the women he describes in his songs he doesn’t think that HE can do any better. He’s already been in love with a stripper, so he repeatedly tells us that he can’t get a woman’s attention without money. He also sings about having to pay the bartender to spend time with him, and we all know bartenders are about those good tips so they will flirt their behind off for a nice chunk of change and he has plenty money to keep a bartender entertaining him. He gets attention from women that are at work that have no choice but to deal with him. I guess he can’t just meet a woman in line at the grocery store or take a young lady on a date like most people… Another one of his lyrics says that he doesn’t have a problem spending all of his money on a woman. Now, I did a little research and T-Pain’s net worth is between $30-35 million. I have yet to meet a multi-millionaire that would feel it necessary to spend bundles of dough on a woman. Most men have such egos and high self esteem they would seek out a woman that would be considered “top notch” not someone that is the left over in the bottom of the barrel. In his mind all he can get is a no good gold digger. He is so desperate for attention from a woman he is willing to spend ALL of that money that he has on a woman that doesn’t even want him. No doubt, he feels that he is not worthy of a respectable woman. His song undeniably points out that he is so repulsive to women a girl would rather go the other way than engage in any type of sexual activity with him. He doesn’t mention that he could pay her to kiss HIM if you notice. No matter how much he spends, a woman will still not touch him in any way. He doesn’t see himself as a “catch”. He evidently is insecure.
Looking back, I can’t recall ever seeing him in the blogs with some scandal with a woman. I don’t know if he’s dating anyone. I don’t watch many award shows and I may be wrong but I never see some bombshell on his side. This really might be an issue for him.
Music is open to interpretation and this is more than a song to me, it is a cry for help. At least he is making a dollar off his pain (probably has something to do with his stage name which is connected to pain he felt growing up in Tallahassee!). I don’t have any real advice for him in this situation because he indisputably turned his issues into a profitable venture. He seems like a really fun guy that could make a respectable woman happy. I just hope one day he settles down with someone who loves him and not his money. But, I guess some guys just like ratchet.
T-Pain’s music isn’t an ode to how he feels about women; it is reflection on how he feels about himself. He has made it ever so obvious that he has very low self esteem. There is no man that I know of that would want to have a woman that could be classified as “ratchet” or “trashy” and by the description of the women he describes in his songs he doesn’t think that HE can do any better. He’s already been in love with a stripper, so he repeatedly tells us that he can’t get a woman’s attention without money. He also sings about having to pay the bartender to spend time with him, and we all know bartenders are about those good tips so they will flirt their behind off for a nice chunk of change and he has plenty money to keep a bartender entertaining him. He gets attention from women that are at work that have no choice but to deal with him. I guess he can’t just meet a woman in line at the grocery store or take a young lady on a date like most people… Another one of his lyrics says that he doesn’t have a problem spending all of his money on a woman. Now, I did a little research and T-Pain’s net worth is between $30-35 million. I have yet to meet a multi-millionaire that would feel it necessary to spend bundles of dough on a woman. Most men have such egos and high self esteem they would seek out a woman that would be considered “top notch” not someone that is the left over in the bottom of the barrel. In his mind all he can get is a no good gold digger. He is so desperate for attention from a woman he is willing to spend ALL of that money that he has on a woman that doesn’t even want him. No doubt, he feels that he is not worthy of a respectable woman. His song undeniably points out that he is so repulsive to women a girl would rather go the other way than engage in any type of sexual activity with him. He doesn’t mention that he could pay her to kiss HIM if you notice. No matter how much he spends, a woman will still not touch him in any way. He doesn’t see himself as a “catch”. He evidently is insecure.
Looking back, I can’t recall ever seeing him in the blogs with some scandal with a woman. I don’t know if he’s dating anyone. I don’t watch many award shows and I may be wrong but I never see some bombshell on his side. This really might be an issue for him.
Music is open to interpretation and this is more than a song to me, it is a cry for help. At least he is making a dollar off his pain (probably has something to do with his stage name which is connected to pain he felt growing up in Tallahassee!). I don’t have any real advice for him in this situation because he indisputably turned his issues into a profitable venture. He seems like a really fun guy that could make a respectable woman happy. I just hope one day he settles down with someone who loves him and not his money. But, I guess some guys just like ratchet.
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
Strange things I said or did today
I was keeping record of a bunch of strange things my friends, family and I were doing for awhile... I think I'll start keeping another record... stay tuned for some more stuff!
Strange things I said or did today:
8/23/13 “I’ll make you eat your own toe nails.”
8/26/13 I sent a picture of one of my strands of hair with a severe split end to my godsister Paris.
8/29/13 “You gonna be mad when I come back Gucci-ed out!”
9/6/13 “These jeans are fitting like a glove” turn to the side in the mirror “awwww, but the booty aint lookin big!”
9/7/13 I almost convinced my little sister, Breona, she was going to Boston for boarding school. Then she responded saying I don’t want to come back and talk like this, and proceeded to talk in an English accent. :-/ I’m worried about her.
9/11/13 I told my pastor “you want to get tickled to death?”
9/13/13 “It’s Friday, I ain’t got no job—oh wait… I do! Let me get ready”
I got in the bed to brush my teeth.
9/14/13 My sister La Pria and I were parked while picking up our godsister, April. April gets in the car but La Pria was fixing her makeup. This is the conversation that happened next:
La Pria: I have to finish drawing my eyebrows because if I do it when I’m driving I’ll mess them up
Me: See, that’s why you don’t do your make up while you’re driving... Because you might mess up!
Then, La Pria almost flipped the car and almost killed us all turning into the Krispy Kremes parking lot. She really wanted a donut.
9/16/13 I googled “can I microwave grounded beef?”
9/17/13 I sent a text to my friend Tameeka saying “I wish you ate chicken.” But maybe she’s the strange one in this instance.
Tuesday, January 14, 2014
I hecka love my mom
My mother is an incredible woman. I would argue the fact that she is the best mom in the entire universe. She loves her kids so much and is the most compassionate person I know. Everyone who knows her loves her and she loves them even more. I don’t know how many times people have expressed to me how much they admire my mom and how awesome she is and what a blessing it is to know her. She sacrifices so much of herself and is a true vessel allowing God to use her in any way she is needed, her hands are never found idle. My dad is wondrous person as well; I’ll discuss him at a later date…
The summer before high school when I was 13, we found out that my mom had Thyroid Cancer. She might have had it for years but we didn’t know it. This was a really hard time on my family. My little sister was only a year old, and my aunt helped out majorly during this time. While my dad took care of business at home helping with all of my mother’s medical needs, paperwork, etc. my sisters (and brother for part of the time) and I went to Sacramento to stay with my aunt for the majority of the summer. My aunt is an angel sent from Heaven, I love her so much too. My mom during this time had to go into surgery to remove the cancer out of her body. After the surgery was complete, she ended up having to be rushed back into surgery because the surgeon pierced a vein and she was choking to death on her own blood. After she recovered she had to go into radiation treatment. She couldn’t be around anyone so she would have to go and have the treatment and go stay at a hotel for a week at a time.
I remember the first time I saw my mom in weeks when she came to Sacramento after she had surgery. We were at my aunt’s old church and my mom walked in. She was wearing an orange suit and had on her high heels, dressed to the nine as usual. She walked down the aisle and I had suck mixed emotions. I was so excited to see my mom, but at the same time so devastated. I had never seen my mom look so sick in my life. I was so heartbroken over the things that had happened to her but she was so strong about the whole situation and positive. I really saw how a person can go through Hell and yet thank God. I could have lost my might, but she is such a fighter and never gives up.
When I found out last April that I had a severely underactive Thyroid and Hashimoto’s disease, once again I had such mixed emotions. I was battling inside myself about how to deal with it. I didn’t want to talk about it because I didn’t want to give it life, but I couldn’t ignore it either. I also didn’t want people to think that I didn’t think God could deliver me, because I believed it then and I know that one day He will deliver me. I know that in front of people I save face, but something about talking to my mom can break me down. She had told me she told some of my aunts about it and I got so upset with her. I didn’t want anyone to know what was going on. I got off the phone with her and called back the next day to apologize. When I was talking she apologized for telling and I had to finally tell her why I didn’t want people to know. I didn’t want people to see me as weak or as if I had to be coddled. My mom started to cry and she told me how sorry she was that I was going through this and she felt such guilt because she had Hashimoto’s disease that lead to her Thyroid cancer. I never blamed her for it, it never even crossed my mind!! But I will never ever in my life forget what she told me in that conversation. She told me this “I hated cancer; I hated every bit of it and everything I had to go through. But if going through all of that let the doctor’s know what to test you for, I’d do it all again.” It was the most profound statement ever said to me.
Mom mother is a remarkable woman. Especially to me a woman to have a relatively absent mother and father growing up, she came out to be far past amazing as a woman and especially as a mother. I pity her parents who cannot take credit for the stunning person they created. The credit really goes to God, her godparents Lula and Earnest J. O’Neal, and my sweet sweet great grandmother Minnie Heath and I love and appreciate all they ever did for my mom.
This blog isn’t one with an underlying meaning. Just wanted everyone to know how phenomenal my mom is. If I can be half the woman she is, I’ll be pretty spectacular too.
The summer before high school when I was 13, we found out that my mom had Thyroid Cancer. She might have had it for years but we didn’t know it. This was a really hard time on my family. My little sister was only a year old, and my aunt helped out majorly during this time. While my dad took care of business at home helping with all of my mother’s medical needs, paperwork, etc. my sisters (and brother for part of the time) and I went to Sacramento to stay with my aunt for the majority of the summer. My aunt is an angel sent from Heaven, I love her so much too. My mom during this time had to go into surgery to remove the cancer out of her body. After the surgery was complete, she ended up having to be rushed back into surgery because the surgeon pierced a vein and she was choking to death on her own blood. After she recovered she had to go into radiation treatment. She couldn’t be around anyone so she would have to go and have the treatment and go stay at a hotel for a week at a time.
I remember the first time I saw my mom in weeks when she came to Sacramento after she had surgery. We were at my aunt’s old church and my mom walked in. She was wearing an orange suit and had on her high heels, dressed to the nine as usual. She walked down the aisle and I had suck mixed emotions. I was so excited to see my mom, but at the same time so devastated. I had never seen my mom look so sick in my life. I was so heartbroken over the things that had happened to her but she was so strong about the whole situation and positive. I really saw how a person can go through Hell and yet thank God. I could have lost my might, but she is such a fighter and never gives up.
When I found out last April that I had a severely underactive Thyroid and Hashimoto’s disease, once again I had such mixed emotions. I was battling inside myself about how to deal with it. I didn’t want to talk about it because I didn’t want to give it life, but I couldn’t ignore it either. I also didn’t want people to think that I didn’t think God could deliver me, because I believed it then and I know that one day He will deliver me. I know that in front of people I save face, but something about talking to my mom can break me down. She had told me she told some of my aunts about it and I got so upset with her. I didn’t want anyone to know what was going on. I got off the phone with her and called back the next day to apologize. When I was talking she apologized for telling and I had to finally tell her why I didn’t want people to know. I didn’t want people to see me as weak or as if I had to be coddled. My mom started to cry and she told me how sorry she was that I was going through this and she felt such guilt because she had Hashimoto’s disease that lead to her Thyroid cancer. I never blamed her for it, it never even crossed my mind!! But I will never ever in my life forget what she told me in that conversation. She told me this “I hated cancer; I hated every bit of it and everything I had to go through. But if going through all of that let the doctor’s know what to test you for, I’d do it all again.” It was the most profound statement ever said to me.
Mom mother is a remarkable woman. Especially to me a woman to have a relatively absent mother and father growing up, she came out to be far past amazing as a woman and especially as a mother. I pity her parents who cannot take credit for the stunning person they created. The credit really goes to God, her godparents Lula and Earnest J. O’Neal, and my sweet sweet great grandmother Minnie Heath and I love and appreciate all they ever did for my mom.
This blog isn’t one with an underlying meaning. Just wanted everyone to know how phenomenal my mom is. If I can be half the woman she is, I’ll be pretty spectacular too.
Thursday, January 2, 2014
Why can't I keep up with my glasses?
I remembered a pretty important fact today when looking for my glasses.
Lately, I have gotten into the habit of losing things. I have NEVER had this problem before, I’m not sure if it’s my old age or what, I just can’t keep up with things. Today (and yesterday morning as well) I was looking ALL OVER for my glasses! I don’t know why I can’t keep up with them. I’ve been wearing glasses for 10 years so at this point you’d think I’d have it together… but I don’t… Anyways, I was getting ready for work and was about to walk out the door when I realized I didn’t have my glasses. For some reason I never remember when I am at home that I can’t see (lol). It’s like in my apartment I have 20/20 vision only! I could not find my glasses anywhere! Knowing I had to stop and get coffee before work, I was panicking a bit because I need my morning caffeine fix (don’t judge me!) and I was already running late. Frantically, I searched all over my place in the usual spots I put my glasses and could not find them! When all hope was almost gone I said “Lord, please help me find—oh thank you Lord!!” Before I could even get it out of my mouth God showed me where my glasses were at. They had fallen behind this basket of laundry I was folding in the living room. It never fails when I start praying to God to help me, He is faithful and guides me right to what I was looking for. I just wish sometimes I would stop exhausting myself depending on my own efforts when God is all knowing and more than capable to help me!
Why do we always turn to God as a final hope? We try and try and try just to still end up nowhere and end up frustrated and hopeless and in our last efforts call on Him when we should have turned to God in the first place to avoid the nonsense. We get ourselves way deeper into a situation trying to handle it on our own than we need to be if we would recognize that God is our strength and has been all along and turn to Him and GIVE the problem to Him from the beginning! Trust me and believe me when I say that God has every desire to rescue you from what you are facing, you just need to LET HIM!
It absolutely drives me crazy when people say “well, all you can do now is just pray”. NO!!!! All you should have done is prayed!!! Prayer is not a last resort; it should always be a first reaction. The power of prayer is incomparable. There is not any problem in life that God is unable to take on. You aren’t bothering Him or pestering Him when you pray! You are doing what He wants when you pray a.k.a. COMMUNICATE with Him!
No matter how large or small your problem is, talk to God about it. He will amaze you with His response every time!
Lately, I have gotten into the habit of losing things. I have NEVER had this problem before, I’m not sure if it’s my old age or what, I just can’t keep up with things. Today (and yesterday morning as well) I was looking ALL OVER for my glasses! I don’t know why I can’t keep up with them. I’ve been wearing glasses for 10 years so at this point you’d think I’d have it together… but I don’t… Anyways, I was getting ready for work and was about to walk out the door when I realized I didn’t have my glasses. For some reason I never remember when I am at home that I can’t see (lol). It’s like in my apartment I have 20/20 vision only! I could not find my glasses anywhere! Knowing I had to stop and get coffee before work, I was panicking a bit because I need my morning caffeine fix (don’t judge me!) and I was already running late. Frantically, I searched all over my place in the usual spots I put my glasses and could not find them! When all hope was almost gone I said “Lord, please help me find—oh thank you Lord!!” Before I could even get it out of my mouth God showed me where my glasses were at. They had fallen behind this basket of laundry I was folding in the living room. It never fails when I start praying to God to help me, He is faithful and guides me right to what I was looking for. I just wish sometimes I would stop exhausting myself depending on my own efforts when God is all knowing and more than capable to help me!
Why do we always turn to God as a final hope? We try and try and try just to still end up nowhere and end up frustrated and hopeless and in our last efforts call on Him when we should have turned to God in the first place to avoid the nonsense. We get ourselves way deeper into a situation trying to handle it on our own than we need to be if we would recognize that God is our strength and has been all along and turn to Him and GIVE the problem to Him from the beginning! Trust me and believe me when I say that God has every desire to rescue you from what you are facing, you just need to LET HIM!
It absolutely drives me crazy when people say “well, all you can do now is just pray”. NO!!!! All you should have done is prayed!!! Prayer is not a last resort; it should always be a first reaction. The power of prayer is incomparable. There is not any problem in life that God is unable to take on. You aren’t bothering Him or pestering Him when you pray! You are doing what He wants when you pray a.k.a. COMMUNICATE with Him!
No matter how large or small your problem is, talk to God about it. He will amaze you with His response every time!
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
Get some sleep!
How to get to sleep… Naturally!
If I were to survey 10,000 people in the U.S. and ask them what are some things they need more of, many of them (right after saying more money!) would say more sleep. And because over 40 million Americans suffer from different chronic sleep disorders ranging from sleep apnea to insomnia it is important for us all to find ways to sleep better. There are more efficient and useful ways to drift into Dreamland than just popping a sleeping pill or the ageless chore of boring yourself to sleep by counting sheep. It becomes a cycle of suppressants and caffeine to keep your body functioning. Not cool! There are much better ways to getting a good night’s rest. Here are some natural remedies to cure sleepless nights!
1. Stay active during the day. I know I am guilty of the afternoon nap and sluggish ways after a long days work (or day of shopping!). Studies have shown that people who exercise at least four times a week sleep better and have lower signs or depression. Exercising and staying active will not only have you feeling better physically, but emotionally and mentally as well. It will also take away the midday sleepiness that falls upon most of us around 2:30pm! If you have to nap, do not exceed 25 minutes. If you nap for too long your body naturally goes into other stages of sleep causing inertia (that uncomfortable groggy feeling) because you have been in a deep sleep and interrupted it. Insomnia can also be a result of depression so an active lifestyle is an overall health benefit!
2. Schedule your caffeine intake. If you want to stay up until 3am by all means drink that quad espresso with caramel drizzle in the late evening, but if not , don’t drink it too late. Caffeine can stay in your body for up to 14 hours so it is important to cut down on what you ingest by the early afternoon if you plan on going to bed at a decent time. Develop a schedule of when you can conveniently discontinue the use of caffeine during the day, especially if you have a caffeine dependency. If you stop drinking coffee or soda too early, you’ll get a withdrawal headache and that will also cause you to have a hard time getting to sleep. If you absolutely need caffeine, consume it up until 4-6 hours before you are planning on going to bed.
3. Only associate your bed with sleep. How many of us talk on the phone, watch a good movie, or even eat in bed? This is a major no-no! The bed is supposed to be for two things… the one I will say is sleep (I’m sure you can figure out the other one, wink wink!) When you do other activities in the bed other than what it is designated for, you are programming your mind and body to NOT shut down when you are in bed. You are making it more difficult for yourself to sleep when you do this. Instead, if you must be in your room for movie or snack time, get a cozy chair to lounge in and keep it in your room. But by all means, avoid doing anything else in your bed!
4. No pets in bed! I know we all love to cuddle with our furry creatures, but they might be why you are so restless at night. It is quite possible that you have some type of allergy to your pet-child and it is irritating you when you are unaware of it. Best thing is to get an allergy test to make sure. Also, their movement during the night also might be the trigger causing you to drift in and out of sleep causing a grumpy person in the morning. Get a pet bed to put close to your bed if they must be near you at night. It will take some adjusting to but you’ll be a much more pleasant person. You’re co-workers will thank you for it too!
5. Stop smoking and drinking. Smoking cigarettes is just a bad habit anyways and has no health benefit so you should probably not do it all together, but if you must smoke do it in moderation to sedate you. A large amount of nicotine acts like caffeine instead of relaxing you and will keep you alert. Also when you have a nicotine dependency, you will probably have withdrawals during the night causing you to get up and take a few unnecessary, but necessary, puffs to satisfy your craving. Drinking large amounts of alcohol can cause arousal during the night, not to mention frequent urination. No, not just that type of arousal! It just keeps you up as in awake and alert mentally! It will act as a sedative at first but then it becomes the “Up All Night Show”. Again drink in moderation if you want to be able to function the next day.
Getting to sleep shouldn’t be that difficult, but I can attest to the fact that some days it is easier to find Waldo than find a way to sleep comfortably. A good night’s sleep is possible, but you might just have to work a little harder at it!
Monday, December 23, 2013
Apparently, I'm a Chronophiliac
As far back as I can remember, I have been interested in older men. Let me say this: I don’t have daddy issues, this is my preference. I don’t mean men 30 years older than me, but about 8, 10, 12, up to even 15 years older than me. It’s always been something about them that I just love!
It all started when I was just a little girl…
I was probably about 6 or 7 when it started… There was a guy who attended my church and I was totally and completely in love with this man. His name was Bro. Ralph. I remember in testimony service, I would say “Please pray for me, my family and everyone else I know, and Bro. Ralph.” Everyone thought it was so adorable, but I from the bottom of my heart meant it every single time I said it. Mind you, this man had kids older than me and of course at 6 or 7 I had no business being in love with anyone, but you get the picture. Older men have always been appealing to me.
Now obviously, nothing is ever 100%, so what I am about to talk about doesn't apply to ALL guys slightly older but for the sake of the blog, it is for all of the older men I would like to refer to. I asked a few women who also are interested in older men and the consensus is consistent. There are a few major reasons why we love older men.
Maturity. Everyone knows that women mature at a (much) faster rate than men. When I date an older man I feel that our maturity level is more comparable than a guy that is my age. I have always related better with people older than myself. I consider myself to be very mature :)
Stability. I am not looking for a sugar daddy in the least bit, but I definitely don’t want to be in a position where I am forced to take care of a man. I think it is reasonable of me to expect to have a man that is able to take care of me even though I don’t need him to. I am drawn to a man who has his stuff together to say the least. I don’t have the time to wait for a man to catch up to where I am talking about what they’re thinking about doing with their future.
Focus and goal oriented. An older guy is already reaching those goals he set for himself when he was in his early 20’s and his perspective is different because of his life experience. Something about this is so attractive to me!! A man with a plan is gets no better! Well it does get better, but you get the point! I think the most fetching thing I have ever heard is a guy I was dating was on a conference call. When he was talking business I literally started to picture our future lol!
Consistency and consideration. The games are over at this point for a man a few years older. He doesn’t have to do the “wait three days” rule or any other foolery that guys in their 20’s think is okay to do. If he says he’s going to do something, he’s going to do it. If he can’t do it, he will be straight forward with you. He will be considerate of your feelings and think a little more before he says or does anything because he has be through it enough to know how a woman will react. He cares about how something will affect you, and he will want your best interest to be at the forefront of his mind. Young guys don’t think about the outcome and say or do whatever they feel not thinking about what the result will be, and then think that an “I’m sorry” will fix it. At least with an older guy, gifts or a fancy dinner comes with the apology! You can cry infront of them, and instead of thinking you're a basketcase they'll be the shoulder you need to cry on and understand whatever emotion you are feeling. Their automatic response won't be "are you on your period or something?" And even if it is the reason, an older guy will know to shower you with chocolates and heating pads! He has a bit more sense...
More practical. I can’t stand someone who is cheap, but I do appreciate how an older guy plans for the future and buys what is affordable, not just because it’s popular. I think being practical and splurging everyone in awhile is the best way to go. Younger guys don’t really care about the rainy day and are enjoying the financially sunny days. I want someone who is better prepared with a few umbrellas when the storm comes.
And lastly…
More handsome! I don’t know why but the older men get the better looking they get! I think that Morris Chestnut is a perfect example. I saw an episode of the Cosby Show with him in it… he looked awful! Oh but time has brought about a change in his life! I jokingly say that there is one thing I hate about Black men, and it’s that they get better with age! I’m 26 and I have my wrinkle creams and under eye creams trying to keep it together and these men are looking flawless! And this is men of any race. For the majority, their skin does not crack, or if it does its still hot!
I have several friends who have thought I was crazy dating guys a few years older than me… until they try it… and they say “why didn’t I do this sooner?” I mean, of course it’s not for everyone but I recommend any woman to try it at least once. I often hear that “we won’t have anything in common”… that’s a possibility with ANY man regardless of age. You’ll probably get along a lot better than you anticipated and have much more to talk about than you expected! It's just a few extra years they've lived ladies. IT IS NOT THAT BIG OF A DEAL!!! I am sure that I will have a few women thanking me after this blog and probably some men too!
It all started when I was just a little girl…
I was probably about 6 or 7 when it started… There was a guy who attended my church and I was totally and completely in love with this man. His name was Bro. Ralph. I remember in testimony service, I would say “Please pray for me, my family and everyone else I know, and Bro. Ralph.” Everyone thought it was so adorable, but I from the bottom of my heart meant it every single time I said it. Mind you, this man had kids older than me and of course at 6 or 7 I had no business being in love with anyone, but you get the picture. Older men have always been appealing to me.
Now obviously, nothing is ever 100%, so what I am about to talk about doesn't apply to ALL guys slightly older but for the sake of the blog, it is for all of the older men I would like to refer to. I asked a few women who also are interested in older men and the consensus is consistent. There are a few major reasons why we love older men.
Maturity. Everyone knows that women mature at a (much) faster rate than men. When I date an older man I feel that our maturity level is more comparable than a guy that is my age. I have always related better with people older than myself. I consider myself to be very mature :)
Stability. I am not looking for a sugar daddy in the least bit, but I definitely don’t want to be in a position where I am forced to take care of a man. I think it is reasonable of me to expect to have a man that is able to take care of me even though I don’t need him to. I am drawn to a man who has his stuff together to say the least. I don’t have the time to wait for a man to catch up to where I am talking about what they’re thinking about doing with their future.
Focus and goal oriented. An older guy is already reaching those goals he set for himself when he was in his early 20’s and his perspective is different because of his life experience. Something about this is so attractive to me!! A man with a plan is gets no better! Well it does get better, but you get the point! I think the most fetching thing I have ever heard is a guy I was dating was on a conference call. When he was talking business I literally started to picture our future lol!
Consistency and consideration. The games are over at this point for a man a few years older. He doesn’t have to do the “wait three days” rule or any other foolery that guys in their 20’s think is okay to do. If he says he’s going to do something, he’s going to do it. If he can’t do it, he will be straight forward with you. He will be considerate of your feelings and think a little more before he says or does anything because he has be through it enough to know how a woman will react. He cares about how something will affect you, and he will want your best interest to be at the forefront of his mind. Young guys don’t think about the outcome and say or do whatever they feel not thinking about what the result will be, and then think that an “I’m sorry” will fix it. At least with an older guy, gifts or a fancy dinner comes with the apology! You can cry infront of them, and instead of thinking you're a basketcase they'll be the shoulder you need to cry on and understand whatever emotion you are feeling. Their automatic response won't be "are you on your period or something?" And even if it is the reason, an older guy will know to shower you with chocolates and heating pads! He has a bit more sense...
More practical. I can’t stand someone who is cheap, but I do appreciate how an older guy plans for the future and buys what is affordable, not just because it’s popular. I think being practical and splurging everyone in awhile is the best way to go. Younger guys don’t really care about the rainy day and are enjoying the financially sunny days. I want someone who is better prepared with a few umbrellas when the storm comes.
And lastly…
More handsome! I don’t know why but the older men get the better looking they get! I think that Morris Chestnut is a perfect example. I saw an episode of the Cosby Show with him in it… he looked awful! Oh but time has brought about a change in his life! I jokingly say that there is one thing I hate about Black men, and it’s that they get better with age! I’m 26 and I have my wrinkle creams and under eye creams trying to keep it together and these men are looking flawless! And this is men of any race. For the majority, their skin does not crack, or if it does its still hot!
I have several friends who have thought I was crazy dating guys a few years older than me… until they try it… and they say “why didn’t I do this sooner?” I mean, of course it’s not for everyone but I recommend any woman to try it at least once. I often hear that “we won’t have anything in common”… that’s a possibility with ANY man regardless of age. You’ll probably get along a lot better than you anticipated and have much more to talk about than you expected! It's just a few extra years they've lived ladies. IT IS NOT THAT BIG OF A DEAL!!! I am sure that I will have a few women thanking me after this blog and probably some men too!
Monday, December 16, 2013
I don't want kids
I know that a ton of people will not agree with what I am about to say, and that’s okay—this is my blog lol.
I have heard so many times being a parent is a selfless act, but I beg to differ. When a person wants to become a parent, there is very little that will stand in their way. With the ever progressing medical advances children are able to be made outside of the womb and implanted into women, they can use fertility treatments, surrogacy, or they can have it the “natural” way. I put natural in quotations because natural isn’t always the natural way meaning that people don’t just let it happen. There are ovulation tests now to increase the probability of conceiving. You can also check your temperature at this time, I’m not too sure what that is about but it has something to do with potential conception. But all this being said, when a person is trying to get pregnant they say “I want a baby” or “I want a family” or “I want my child to be good at public speaking” or “I want my child to be creative” (my parents I’m sure said this one about me ;) )… Wow!! I want…
Becoming a parent is a very selfish act. Now, before you stop reading, hear me out on my reasoning. When a person decides that they want to become a parent, it is a decision that they make for the baby because of their own selfish desires. There is little consideration for what the child wants!! This goes for whether or not the parent keeps the baby, or if they decide to give the baby up whether by abortion or adoption. I appreciate that some people financially and mentally plan or prepare for children, which is only right, but parents want to mold their children into the person they want the child to be, and not the person that child wants to be. You want your kid to be an athlete so you put them into sports, you want your kid to be a musician so you put them into piano lessons, want them to be limber so you put them into gymnastics. A person can spend their whole life fantasizing on what they want their child or children to be like. We all have said “I want a boy and two girls” or “I want all girls” or “I don’t want kids at all” not thinking about anyone else though but themselves. Being a parent doesn’t mean to do what you want to do, but do what is best for the children. If you know you are unable to provide the life a child needs then you need to wait until you are able to do so. This means not only being financially stable, caring and loving, but also being in a stable relationship. Divorce is at such a high rate and I think people neglect to see how much that relationship falling apart in return seriously impacts the child. It isn’t just a relationship between the parents; it’s between the children as well. All children deserve a well-balanced household, and my heart breaks for the children who aren’t given that. Things happen, so I would hate for anyone to be offended by this part, because things happen that are out of our control, but you owe it to your children to at least try to make things work and this goes for both parents. Even if it is in two separate houses, parents need to try their best to be civil for the sake of children. I applaud and commend anyone who does this because it is HARD!
I have many times over said that I don’t want kids. Having a child is a big responsibility and I’m not sure if I want to take on that challenge. The world that we live in is hard. Life is extremely hard. When a parent has a child they decide when they expect their child to be ready to go off into the world on their own. I feel, in my own personal opinion, a parent should be responsible for their children until the children feel prepared to venture off. Because a child did not make the decision to be born, they should not be forced or pressured into adulthood. Some people are ready for it, I feel that I was because I have always been overly independent, but a bunch of people that I know are struggling with being an adult and the commitment or even burden that come along with it. Especially since some parents will coddle their children until their 18th birthday then throw them to the wolves. You have to prepare a child for what is out there in the world since the choice wasn’t theirs to be in this world, you need to at least give them the tools and training to equip them for what is out there. We are expected to be a child until we are 17 years old, then suddenly when we turn 18 or graduate high school, we are supposed to become all knowing and enlightened about our future goals and pick a college and think about careers. It can hit you like a ton of bricks! Parents are obligated, if nothing else, to guide their children and train them for how to deal with/react to what is to come. What I say also when I tell people I don’t want kids is that “I will have kids if God wants me to”. Being a parent should be a mission from God and not something that is for selfish gain for personal fulfillment of a long lasting fantasy of a perfect family. Children are indisputable a gift from the gracious Father above and should be taken seriously but sad to say I see so many people who couldn’t possibly care less about the responsibilities they have taken on as a parent. I think people should not try to force a child, if it is God’s will, it will happen. It’s God’s desire for us to be fruitful and multiple, but let’s not be like Octomom trying to compel babies into the world! And while so many couples across the world are trying to create a baby to love, there are thousands and thousands of kids who are looking for a family to love because their parents had made the decision to make him or her but neglected the role and duties that are required to raise a child. Life doesn’t always go as we plan, and it’s better to accept that now and accept God’s plan instead. I promise you His plan is the best plan!
To the parents who have put their children first (after God) and dedicated their lives to them, thank you. Especially to single parents who have taken the load on themselves that are determined to provide their child with an amazing life even when the other one bailed. It takes courage and strength and probably a bunch of tears. I could NEVER do it all on my own. I don’t even know if I could do it with the help of another parent. To the people who have put their children second or even further down the list of priorities… I’m praying for you…
I have heard so many times being a parent is a selfless act, but I beg to differ. When a person wants to become a parent, there is very little that will stand in their way. With the ever progressing medical advances children are able to be made outside of the womb and implanted into women, they can use fertility treatments, surrogacy, or they can have it the “natural” way. I put natural in quotations because natural isn’t always the natural way meaning that people don’t just let it happen. There are ovulation tests now to increase the probability of conceiving. You can also check your temperature at this time, I’m not too sure what that is about but it has something to do with potential conception. But all this being said, when a person is trying to get pregnant they say “I want a baby” or “I want a family” or “I want my child to be good at public speaking” or “I want my child to be creative” (my parents I’m sure said this one about me ;) )… Wow!! I want…
Becoming a parent is a very selfish act. Now, before you stop reading, hear me out on my reasoning. When a person decides that they want to become a parent, it is a decision that they make for the baby because of their own selfish desires. There is little consideration for what the child wants!! This goes for whether or not the parent keeps the baby, or if they decide to give the baby up whether by abortion or adoption. I appreciate that some people financially and mentally plan or prepare for children, which is only right, but parents want to mold their children into the person they want the child to be, and not the person that child wants to be. You want your kid to be an athlete so you put them into sports, you want your kid to be a musician so you put them into piano lessons, want them to be limber so you put them into gymnastics. A person can spend their whole life fantasizing on what they want their child or children to be like. We all have said “I want a boy and two girls” or “I want all girls” or “I don’t want kids at all” not thinking about anyone else though but themselves. Being a parent doesn’t mean to do what you want to do, but do what is best for the children. If you know you are unable to provide the life a child needs then you need to wait until you are able to do so. This means not only being financially stable, caring and loving, but also being in a stable relationship. Divorce is at such a high rate and I think people neglect to see how much that relationship falling apart in return seriously impacts the child. It isn’t just a relationship between the parents; it’s between the children as well. All children deserve a well-balanced household, and my heart breaks for the children who aren’t given that. Things happen, so I would hate for anyone to be offended by this part, because things happen that are out of our control, but you owe it to your children to at least try to make things work and this goes for both parents. Even if it is in two separate houses, parents need to try their best to be civil for the sake of children. I applaud and commend anyone who does this because it is HARD!
I have many times over said that I don’t want kids. Having a child is a big responsibility and I’m not sure if I want to take on that challenge. The world that we live in is hard. Life is extremely hard. When a parent has a child they decide when they expect their child to be ready to go off into the world on their own. I feel, in my own personal opinion, a parent should be responsible for their children until the children feel prepared to venture off. Because a child did not make the decision to be born, they should not be forced or pressured into adulthood. Some people are ready for it, I feel that I was because I have always been overly independent, but a bunch of people that I know are struggling with being an adult and the commitment or even burden that come along with it. Especially since some parents will coddle their children until their 18th birthday then throw them to the wolves. You have to prepare a child for what is out there in the world since the choice wasn’t theirs to be in this world, you need to at least give them the tools and training to equip them for what is out there. We are expected to be a child until we are 17 years old, then suddenly when we turn 18 or graduate high school, we are supposed to become all knowing and enlightened about our future goals and pick a college and think about careers. It can hit you like a ton of bricks! Parents are obligated, if nothing else, to guide their children and train them for how to deal with/react to what is to come. What I say also when I tell people I don’t want kids is that “I will have kids if God wants me to”. Being a parent should be a mission from God and not something that is for selfish gain for personal fulfillment of a long lasting fantasy of a perfect family. Children are indisputable a gift from the gracious Father above and should be taken seriously but sad to say I see so many people who couldn’t possibly care less about the responsibilities they have taken on as a parent. I think people should not try to force a child, if it is God’s will, it will happen. It’s God’s desire for us to be fruitful and multiple, but let’s not be like Octomom trying to compel babies into the world! And while so many couples across the world are trying to create a baby to love, there are thousands and thousands of kids who are looking for a family to love because their parents had made the decision to make him or her but neglected the role and duties that are required to raise a child. Life doesn’t always go as we plan, and it’s better to accept that now and accept God’s plan instead. I promise you His plan is the best plan!
To the parents who have put their children first (after God) and dedicated their lives to them, thank you. Especially to single parents who have taken the load on themselves that are determined to provide their child with an amazing life even when the other one bailed. It takes courage and strength and probably a bunch of tears. I could NEVER do it all on my own. I don’t even know if I could do it with the help of another parent. To the people who have put their children second or even further down the list of priorities… I’m praying for you…
Friday, December 6, 2013
Is it December yet?
I remember the first song I ever wrote. I was seven years old. It was called “Christmas is Jesus’ Birthday”. It had five lyrics to it, and three of them were repeated, but I was so proud of it. We even sang it a few times at my old church’s Christmas program. This is how it went:
Christmas is Jesus’ birthday,
Christmas is Jesus’ birthday,
Everyone gets presents!
Even Jesus!
Christmas is Jesus’ birthday!
Even though I held fast to the idea that Christmas was partially about me getting gratification from cozy sweaters, walkie talkies, easy bake ovens and a new bike (that I NEVER got!) I was still taught the true significance of Christmas and why it was so important to me as a young Christian.
Starting last Thursday, Thanksgiving, my nephew began asking me if it was December 1st yet. He asked me again Friday, and again on Saturday and I kept telling him no. Finally, on Saturday, I asked him why did he want it to be December 1st so badly? He told me because he wanted his Christmas presents! I explained to him that he would have to wait until the 25th and that he understood, he just knew though that if it was December that we were getting close. He’s too funny and he’s only six so I understand. He knows what Christmas is celebrating, but he has yet to understand it.
When did Christmas stop being about Christ and only about getting awesome gifts? I know for as long as I have been on this earth Christmas has been connected with getting presents. I remember, when I was my nephew’s age, coming back to school after the Winter Break and we all talked about what we got for Christmas… but very rarely did we discuss how great sunrise service was or how great we did in the Christmas program at church… I’m sure if I surveyed 100 random strangers and I asked them what they thought when they heard the word “Christmas” I would hear things like snow, Christmas trees, presents, candy canes, but very few would say “the celebration of the birth of Jesus”. Now, I know the actual date Jesus was born is debated and probably isn’t in December, but it’s a day to celebrate it so everyone needs to get over that!! I think that there are other opportunities during the year to celebrate our family and friends. I wonder what it would be like if we as a human race focused totally on the truly AWESOME gift God gave us when He sent Jesus, and the gift Jesus gave being willing to come to save us from sin and despair? If we allowed Jesus to fill the hole in our hearts, we wouldn’t even care about the things we seek after to give us joy and fulfillment in the form of material gain. Jesus is what we need. At the top of our Christmas list it should say “Jesus all the days of my life”. I know that’s what I want and what I NEED!
I wonder how people would look at me (especially the kids in my family) if I just stopped giving Christmas presents? Would they understand what I am doing, and WHY I’m doing it? I’m sure everyone would think I converted… lol. But are Christmas presents really necessary when that has nothing to REALLY do with what Christmas represents? Now, I know of the pagan connection to this holiday, but I am focused on the Christian celebration so get your mind right (lol).
I don’t think that my loved ones are ready for me to be anti-Christmas presents (I don’t want to be called Scrooge!), also because I enjoy getting gifts, but I think things need to change. I love to see the look on my family and loved ones faces when they are unwrapping a gift I gave them. I understand that companies look forward to this time every year to bring them out of the red and into the black and it is extremely financially beneficial for retailers as well as non-profits. For my own job, this time of year is literally the meat and potatoes of the year!
I’m very happy this time of year encourages people to do things for others and be charitable, but there are needy people out there ALL YEAR LONG! Don’t just wait until the holidays to show compassion to people in your community, and you can show love to your family all year round. And just as you do that, remember everyday that the birth of Jesus has affected us all and brought us to a place of grace. Without His birth, it would have never happened. JESUS’ BIRTH CHANGED MY LIFE!! And spend more TIME focusing on what Christmas really is rather than MONEY on what society wants you to believe what Christmas is all about.
Christmas is Jesus’ birthday,
Christmas is Jesus’ birthday,
Everyone gets presents!
Even Jesus!
Christmas is Jesus’ birthday!
Even though I held fast to the idea that Christmas was partially about me getting gratification from cozy sweaters, walkie talkies, easy bake ovens and a new bike (that I NEVER got!) I was still taught the true significance of Christmas and why it was so important to me as a young Christian.
Starting last Thursday, Thanksgiving, my nephew began asking me if it was December 1st yet. He asked me again Friday, and again on Saturday and I kept telling him no. Finally, on Saturday, I asked him why did he want it to be December 1st so badly? He told me because he wanted his Christmas presents! I explained to him that he would have to wait until the 25th and that he understood, he just knew though that if it was December that we were getting close. He’s too funny and he’s only six so I understand. He knows what Christmas is celebrating, but he has yet to understand it.
When did Christmas stop being about Christ and only about getting awesome gifts? I know for as long as I have been on this earth Christmas has been connected with getting presents. I remember, when I was my nephew’s age, coming back to school after the Winter Break and we all talked about what we got for Christmas… but very rarely did we discuss how great sunrise service was or how great we did in the Christmas program at church… I’m sure if I surveyed 100 random strangers and I asked them what they thought when they heard the word “Christmas” I would hear things like snow, Christmas trees, presents, candy canes, but very few would say “the celebration of the birth of Jesus”. Now, I know the actual date Jesus was born is debated and probably isn’t in December, but it’s a day to celebrate it so everyone needs to get over that!! I think that there are other opportunities during the year to celebrate our family and friends. I wonder what it would be like if we as a human race focused totally on the truly AWESOME gift God gave us when He sent Jesus, and the gift Jesus gave being willing to come to save us from sin and despair? If we allowed Jesus to fill the hole in our hearts, we wouldn’t even care about the things we seek after to give us joy and fulfillment in the form of material gain. Jesus is what we need. At the top of our Christmas list it should say “Jesus all the days of my life”. I know that’s what I want and what I NEED!
I wonder how people would look at me (especially the kids in my family) if I just stopped giving Christmas presents? Would they understand what I am doing, and WHY I’m doing it? I’m sure everyone would think I converted… lol. But are Christmas presents really necessary when that has nothing to REALLY do with what Christmas represents? Now, I know of the pagan connection to this holiday, but I am focused on the Christian celebration so get your mind right (lol).
I don’t think that my loved ones are ready for me to be anti-Christmas presents (I don’t want to be called Scrooge!), also because I enjoy getting gifts, but I think things need to change. I love to see the look on my family and loved ones faces when they are unwrapping a gift I gave them. I understand that companies look forward to this time every year to bring them out of the red and into the black and it is extremely financially beneficial for retailers as well as non-profits. For my own job, this time of year is literally the meat and potatoes of the year!
I’m very happy this time of year encourages people to do things for others and be charitable, but there are needy people out there ALL YEAR LONG! Don’t just wait until the holidays to show compassion to people in your community, and you can show love to your family all year round. And just as you do that, remember everyday that the birth of Jesus has affected us all and brought us to a place of grace. Without His birth, it would have never happened. JESUS’ BIRTH CHANGED MY LIFE!! And spend more TIME focusing on what Christmas really is rather than MONEY on what society wants you to believe what Christmas is all about.
Friday, November 15, 2013
A secret wedding
I know everyone opened up this blog assuming it was me! No!! lol, I didn't get married secretly but I know someone who did...
This past weekend, one of my co-workers got married. It wasn't anything big, they weren't even dressed up. Her daughter performed the ceremony in their backyard and the grandkids took pictures with their camera phones. Talk about low key! None of us even knew about it until one of her friend’s who volunteers at my job spilled the beans the Monday after! Now let me say this early my co-worker has been with this man for like over 20 years, and they live together. So marriage to her was not a big deal because to her they were already “basically” married. But she typically tells all about everything and anything that happens because we are basically family in our office. Several stories she’s told me I’ve heard at least 5 times so she definitely isn’t a shy gal! When I found out, I immediately sent out an email to the staff telling them what happened and arranged a small “bridal shower/wedding reception” for her. And of course it was a surprise. So we pulled our money together and I went to shopping!! I spent every last dime of the money and then some to make sure that we could give her the nicest surprise party on such short notice. Some of my co-workers also brought in prepared dishes and I got the cake and even purchased one of those wedding toppers with the bride and groom for it. We were scurrying around trying to decorate our conference room with streamers, confetti, cute party favors shaped like wedding dresses and tuxedos, balloons (that went flat ) flowers and center pieces to make sure it was beautiful. We also were convinced that she knew what was going on because she normally is completely nosey! People from our other offices even came by to help celebrate. While I was running back and forth trying to get everything together, one of my co-workers asked me “why are you so in to this? You’re going all out!” In my mind I feel like I hadn’t done enough, and I replied “I’m not going all out for this, you think I am?” and his response was “yes!” Regardless, I was beyond happy to put it together even if I did seem to be going overboard! It couldn’t help me self!
Finally, it was time to bring the bride in! I got everyone in the conference room and went to tell her that there was something I needed her to check in there so she followed me and when I opened the door everyone started yelling congratulations to her! And what I was hoping for happened; she started to cry. One thing that I always try to do is make people cry… tears of joy of course! I wanted her to feel like a bride and when I asked her did she feel like that she said she did. I’m not trying to give myself props for doing this, but I’m really glad I did because I found some very devastating new out in regards to why they finally decided to tie the knot.
A few months ago, my co-worker’s husband got sick. He only had about 40% of his lungs working before he even got sick. He ended up being hospitalized and found out he had pneumonia. After this he needed to use an oxygen tank when he was released. This part I knew what I didn’t know is the next part… He already has emphysema… and there is big change he has lung cancer. So, the two wanted to go ahead and get married in case anything may happen.
The purpose of this blog could be so many different things, like reasons not to smoke, or why people have secret weddings, how to put together a party in 3 days, is marriage just a piece of paper, but I want to take it a different direction.
When I found out about what she was going through, I was so happy that I did do all that I could to make it special for her. She is probably going through all types of hurt and pain right now and having a party that was all about her and all for her really touched her heart. It’s possible that she may be losing the love of her life soon. That is a dreadful thought in itself, but for it to be a reality it about 1,000,000 times worse. And I had no idea that she was dealing with any of this.
So, I understand now why she wasn’t so excited at first and I also understand why something inside of me kept pushing me to do as much as I could. It was a lot of work crammed into a very short amount of time but it was totally worth it to do something nice for someone who was going through so much in her life right now. At that very moment, she needed that love and support we were giving her and we didn't even know it. She needed a smile and a hug more than we could have ever imagined. It seems it came right on time.
One of the sayings I heard from my mom growing up is “a heap see but a few know”. You never really know what’s going on with someone just from looking on the outside. We all have our own burdens to bear and we all should be sensitive to that. You can’t expect people to react to things a certain type of way just because you do. That’s unrealistic if we are all supposed to be individuals at the same time!
So, the purpose of this blog… when you feel something inside of you pushing you to do something, do it. There is some reason why you can’t shake that feeling; someone is depending on you to be the one to show them you care about them when they probably feel at that moment no one cares at all what they are going through. I feel that this is something God is really wearing on me, to show love to others in ways I have never before. Don’t doubt those sensations you have to do something whether it is for someone else or for yourself. There is a reason for it even if you don’t understand. When you don’t know, God knows. Don’t deny what you feel in the pit of your stomach. So hug somebody, show some compassion and leniancy, tell them you love them even when there is no relevant reason in your eyes. Who knows, it might actually save someone’s life someday.
Also, anyone who reads this and is a believer, please pray for them, I would really appreciate it.
This past weekend, one of my co-workers got married. It wasn't anything big, they weren't even dressed up. Her daughter performed the ceremony in their backyard and the grandkids took pictures with their camera phones. Talk about low key! None of us even knew about it until one of her friend’s who volunteers at my job spilled the beans the Monday after! Now let me say this early my co-worker has been with this man for like over 20 years, and they live together. So marriage to her was not a big deal because to her they were already “basically” married. But she typically tells all about everything and anything that happens because we are basically family in our office. Several stories she’s told me I’ve heard at least 5 times so she definitely isn’t a shy gal! When I found out, I immediately sent out an email to the staff telling them what happened and arranged a small “bridal shower/wedding reception” for her. And of course it was a surprise. So we pulled our money together and I went to shopping!! I spent every last dime of the money and then some to make sure that we could give her the nicest surprise party on such short notice. Some of my co-workers also brought in prepared dishes and I got the cake and even purchased one of those wedding toppers with the bride and groom for it. We were scurrying around trying to decorate our conference room with streamers, confetti, cute party favors shaped like wedding dresses and tuxedos, balloons (that went flat ) flowers and center pieces to make sure it was beautiful. We also were convinced that she knew what was going on because she normally is completely nosey! People from our other offices even came by to help celebrate. While I was running back and forth trying to get everything together, one of my co-workers asked me “why are you so in to this? You’re going all out!” In my mind I feel like I hadn’t done enough, and I replied “I’m not going all out for this, you think I am?” and his response was “yes!” Regardless, I was beyond happy to put it together even if I did seem to be going overboard! It couldn’t help me self!
Finally, it was time to bring the bride in! I got everyone in the conference room and went to tell her that there was something I needed her to check in there so she followed me and when I opened the door everyone started yelling congratulations to her! And what I was hoping for happened; she started to cry. One thing that I always try to do is make people cry… tears of joy of course! I wanted her to feel like a bride and when I asked her did she feel like that she said she did. I’m not trying to give myself props for doing this, but I’m really glad I did because I found some very devastating new out in regards to why they finally decided to tie the knot.
A few months ago, my co-worker’s husband got sick. He only had about 40% of his lungs working before he even got sick. He ended up being hospitalized and found out he had pneumonia. After this he needed to use an oxygen tank when he was released. This part I knew what I didn’t know is the next part… He already has emphysema… and there is big change he has lung cancer. So, the two wanted to go ahead and get married in case anything may happen.
The purpose of this blog could be so many different things, like reasons not to smoke, or why people have secret weddings, how to put together a party in 3 days, is marriage just a piece of paper, but I want to take it a different direction.
When I found out about what she was going through, I was so happy that I did do all that I could to make it special for her. She is probably going through all types of hurt and pain right now and having a party that was all about her and all for her really touched her heart. It’s possible that she may be losing the love of her life soon. That is a dreadful thought in itself, but for it to be a reality it about 1,000,000 times worse. And I had no idea that she was dealing with any of this.
So, I understand now why she wasn’t so excited at first and I also understand why something inside of me kept pushing me to do as much as I could. It was a lot of work crammed into a very short amount of time but it was totally worth it to do something nice for someone who was going through so much in her life right now. At that very moment, she needed that love and support we were giving her and we didn't even know it. She needed a smile and a hug more than we could have ever imagined. It seems it came right on time.
One of the sayings I heard from my mom growing up is “a heap see but a few know”. You never really know what’s going on with someone just from looking on the outside. We all have our own burdens to bear and we all should be sensitive to that. You can’t expect people to react to things a certain type of way just because you do. That’s unrealistic if we are all supposed to be individuals at the same time!
So, the purpose of this blog… when you feel something inside of you pushing you to do something, do it. There is some reason why you can’t shake that feeling; someone is depending on you to be the one to show them you care about them when they probably feel at that moment no one cares at all what they are going through. I feel that this is something God is really wearing on me, to show love to others in ways I have never before. Don’t doubt those sensations you have to do something whether it is for someone else or for yourself. There is a reason for it even if you don’t understand. When you don’t know, God knows. Don’t deny what you feel in the pit of your stomach. So hug somebody, show some compassion and leniancy, tell them you love them even when there is no relevant reason in your eyes. Who knows, it might actually save someone’s life someday.
Also, anyone who reads this and is a believer, please pray for them, I would really appreciate it.
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
I don't speak Italian!!!
The United States is such a culturally diverse country. Many of the population have mixed backgrounds. My dad is Italian and my mom is Black. I cannot possibly count or estimate the amount of times people have asked me if I speak Italian. I’ve had people look at me with a glare that is a mixture between horror and disgust when I say no. Not only that, people have natural assumptions about who I am because of being Italian that are completely false. Is it that people in the US have lost touch with our cultures, are we expected to stay true to our roots, or do we let go of our cultures and adapt to Americanized lifestyles?
This is something that will probably eventually have a part 2, but this is what I have on my mind for now...
My dad is not from Italy. My grandparents aren’t even from Italy. Their parents were but I never met any of them. For some reason, there is this idea that if you are Italian though, that naturally you speak the language, had an Italian flag tattooed on your bicep, crucifix around your neck, have a first communion party, and eat pasta with every meal and at snack time. It’s like people find themselves disappointed in me as well as my family with not keeping me connected with my roots because I don’t carry the same traditions as my people! But I don’t see too many other nationalities doing the same here in the U.S.!!! I have never heard someone be asked if they speak Portuguese or French or Dutch or Greek just because of where their ancestors come from so what makes it so different with Italians? I think that all that goes on on the East Coast with the guidos and guidettes of Jersey Shore and all the other shows, people assume it’s applicable across the country! People ask me things like “do you say gravy or sauce?” “where is your family from in Italy?” “are you Sicilian” “do you know any mob members?” “is your family apart of the mafia?” It gets relatively funny. But here is the thing: most people lose touch with their culture living in America. I would naively want to say its unintentional, but what did all of those immigrants entering in this country at Ellis Island think they were going to do? Bring Italy to America and seize the land? No! People come here for individualism, self identity, freedom, and new beginnings. I think having connections to my roots is very important, but I do not make my own pasta from scratch and I have no intention to, ever. But I do love pasta, and bread with olive oil :) If I were Latina, I’d understand speaking Spanish fluently because there are so many people who speak Spanish especially in California. But if I learned Italian, who am I going to speak with? Myself? I would rather master the English language, and live the life of an American.
No one ever asks me do I hold fast to any of the traditions from my African roots. Maybe people figure that is a sensitive subject since I have not the slightest idea of what part in Africa from which my family came. It pretty crazy, something about being Italian makes people think I’m from the Old Country!
A culture isn’t necessarily based on race of country of origin. A culture can be based on age, or cities, or religion or any other aspect that can identify you with a group of people. So don’t think that just because a person doesn’t identify with the “culture” you expect, doesn’t mean they aren’t apart of any culture! I am apart of the mixed, middle child, left handed, ex-cheerleader, creative minded, sandwich loving, awesome hair, Jesus loving culture, and I am proud of it!
P.S. I don't get offended or angered by this, so if you asked me this in the past, no worries! :)
This is something that will probably eventually have a part 2, but this is what I have on my mind for now...
My dad is not from Italy. My grandparents aren’t even from Italy. Their parents were but I never met any of them. For some reason, there is this idea that if you are Italian though, that naturally you speak the language, had an Italian flag tattooed on your bicep, crucifix around your neck, have a first communion party, and eat pasta with every meal and at snack time. It’s like people find themselves disappointed in me as well as my family with not keeping me connected with my roots because I don’t carry the same traditions as my people! But I don’t see too many other nationalities doing the same here in the U.S.!!! I have never heard someone be asked if they speak Portuguese or French or Dutch or Greek just because of where their ancestors come from so what makes it so different with Italians? I think that all that goes on on the East Coast with the guidos and guidettes of Jersey Shore and all the other shows, people assume it’s applicable across the country! People ask me things like “do you say gravy or sauce?” “where is your family from in Italy?” “are you Sicilian” “do you know any mob members?” “is your family apart of the mafia?” It gets relatively funny. But here is the thing: most people lose touch with their culture living in America. I would naively want to say its unintentional, but what did all of those immigrants entering in this country at Ellis Island think they were going to do? Bring Italy to America and seize the land? No! People come here for individualism, self identity, freedom, and new beginnings. I think having connections to my roots is very important, but I do not make my own pasta from scratch and I have no intention to, ever. But I do love pasta, and bread with olive oil :) If I were Latina, I’d understand speaking Spanish fluently because there are so many people who speak Spanish especially in California. But if I learned Italian, who am I going to speak with? Myself? I would rather master the English language, and live the life of an American.
No one ever asks me do I hold fast to any of the traditions from my African roots. Maybe people figure that is a sensitive subject since I have not the slightest idea of what part in Africa from which my family came. It pretty crazy, something about being Italian makes people think I’m from the Old Country!
A culture isn’t necessarily based on race of country of origin. A culture can be based on age, or cities, or religion or any other aspect that can identify you with a group of people. So don’t think that just because a person doesn’t identify with the “culture” you expect, doesn’t mean they aren’t apart of any culture! I am apart of the mixed, middle child, left handed, ex-cheerleader, creative minded, sandwich loving, awesome hair, Jesus loving culture, and I am proud of it!
P.S. I don't get offended or angered by this, so if you asked me this in the past, no worries! :)
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
Women on the Move for God
This is the message I spoke at the 1st Saturday Women's Meeting this past weekend. It is written towards women since it was a women meeting, but it is for men as well! Enjoy!
A woman on the move for God
1 Cor 15:1-2, 58-- Moreover, brethren, I declare to you the gospel which I preached to you, which also you received and in which you stand, 2 by which also you are saved, if you hold fast that word which I preached to you—unless you believed in vain.
58: Therefore, my beloved brethren, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your labor is not in vain in the Lord.
Who here has ever been under attack by the enemy?
Have you ever noticed how the devil works? He waits until you are going about your day, thinking everything if fine and dandy enjoying life and BOOOOM!! Sideswiped! See saints, the devil is waiting, lurking, looking for the opportunity where you aren’t paying attention to knock you off balance!
I know this is about being on the move for God, but sometimes being on the move for God means being unmovable! Let me say that again…sometimes being on the move for God means being unmovable!
When we take on the responsibility of a Christian, we have to take a stance against everything opposing our faith, and to stand firmly in God when the devil attacks!
Jeremiah 17:7-8--“Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD,
And whose hope is the LORD.
8 For he shall be like a tree planted by the waters,
Which spreads out its roots by the river,
And will not fear when heat comes;
But its leaf will be green,
And will not be anxious in the year of drought,
Nor will cease from yielding fruit.
Being planted, rooted, and unmovable in God leads to a blessed life! But let’s read a few scriptures before this to see what happens when you are moved by the devil and allow him to knock you off balance…
Jeremiah 17:5-6--“Cursed is the man who trusts in man
And makes flesh his strength,
Whose heart departs from the LORD.
6 For he shall be like a shrub in the desert,
And shall not see when good comes,
But shall inhabit the parched places in the wilderness,
In a salt land which is not inhabited.
I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to do ANYTHING that will cause me to be cursed by God! Our strength to move forward is not in flesh, but is in God!
Let me tell you about a woman who decided not to keep moving …
Story of Lot’s wife found in Genesis 18-19—The city of Sodom was defiled and sinful. God was going to destroy it but Abraham pleaded with God not to destroy the righteous with the wicked. God decided to give Lot (Abraham’s nephew) and his family a way out because of their faith. They were unfortunately the only ones righteous in the city. Lot was instructed him to take his family and leave and to not look back. But this silly woman, Lot’s wife looked back at what she used to have, what she used to be, the friends she used to have and God turned her into a pillar of salt!
Every time you think about looking back, read Luke 17:32 and remember Lot’s wife!
Who in life wants to move backwards? Raise your hand, show me! See, no one wants to go back. I love being grown and making it to this point in life. It would be like moving back into my mama’s house, having her change me and bathe me. I’ve grown, I’ve moved forward.
Who wants to get a demotion on their job? Walk in one day a project manager, walk out the intern! When you’re a project manager, you want to move up to CFO, COO, CEO, president of the company you don’t want to go back!
You’ve worked so hard to get where you are. You’ve prayed and sacrificed, cried yourself to sleep at night and pushed your way. You cannot turn around now! You’ve worked too hard!
Phil 3:13-- Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before
The more you turn back, the longer to will take you to move forward. Who has ever gotten lost driving before? Isn’t that the worst ever? Giving up is like having directions on how to get somewhere, but you throw away the directions, go back to the beginning and start all over! Don’t do that to yourself, people of God!
All those things in your past should be a distant memory, not a dream or desire for your future! Throw away your rose colored glasses, the past wasn’t that pretty! When God says it’s time to move on, it’s time to MOVE ON!!!
There is nothing in your past to look forward to! It’s not worth compromising your future.
Phil 3:14-- I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.
Forward is our goal, HEAVEN is our goal. We have to remember there IS a reward after all the hard work!
Everywhere you go, women of God, people should stop and stare saying “look at her on the mooove!” The worst thing possible for you to hear is “she has so much potential!”
You want to know why people turn back? Because going back on a familiar path is easy. Sinning is easy, being stubborn is easy, being LAZY is easy, not reading your bible is easy, and forgetting to pray is easy. Moving forward in God is hard!!!.... IF you’re doing it all alone… But guess what? God never said that you are in this alone!
When the winds of life start to blowing, trying to knock you down and you feel like you can’t move and stop you grab your bible to block the winds! Grab the saints of God to help push you, strengthening you against the winds! And above all, call on the name of God, stretch forth your hand to Him so He can pull you forward!
Isaiah 41:10--Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.
Matthew 28:20—(teaching them to observe all things that I have commanded you; and) lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the world
Women of God, move forward with God, don’t let anyone or anything stand in your way!
Wednesday, October 30, 2013
Why I don't mind getting older
I took a little break last week from writing any blogs because... It was my birthday on October 22nd !! Woo hoo!! I was on vacation celebrating! Many people are shy about their birthdays and revealing how old they are. I am proud to say that I am not 26 years old! And everyone always tells me "oh you're still a baby", but I know quite a few women in my own age group who are embarassed to tell how old they are. I will touch on this in a second but first I want to talk about why I am glad to be 26.
When my mother was pregnant with me, I was in Fetal Distress. Fetal distress for those of you who don't know is a condition where the unborn baby isn't doing so well and is having complications. I remember my mom telling me how she was worried because I didn't really move for a few days inside of her. She told my godmother (who is a nurse) and she said to go to the doctor! I was having a hard time breathing on my own and my mom was placed on bed rest for a few months prior to my arrival. I'm so glad to be 26 years old because there was a possibility I wouldn't have made it to 1 day old without the grace of God. And I'm sure the world would be a sadder place without me ;) lol.
Now, why I don't mind telling people my age is because everyday is a blessing from God, and I'm glad to say He has been blessing me for decades now. Everyone should want to scream from the rooftops how long God has been blessing them! Those of you who feel you are old, don't! It's an amazing blessing to live as long as we are now. It feels good to know God is not through with me yet and He has plans for my future. When my day comes to depart this earth I'll be ready to go onto glory, but until then, I'm going to live and not worry about silly things like my age. Your age is just how many years I've been on this planet, not who I am. I feel the same as I did as a teenager, just a LOT wiser!! And I have so much more to learn. The teenagers in my life always tell me I'm getting old, and I tell them as my great grandmother always used to say "it's alright, just keep living." Not everyone in this world will be as fortunate as you to get to your age, so be grateful. I knew too many friends, classmates and friends who died at a young age and didn't get to attend prom, go to college, get married, or start a family.
The other day I was getting ready to walk across the street, thinking about somethings that I had been praying about and petitioning with God about and I was saying I felt like He forgot about me, then I heard a voice remind me if He forgot about me, He would have let me get hit by a car while I was crossing the street, I would have been dead already if He forgot about me because His protection would no be around me. I was 25 at the time, and obviously He still has a plan for me and I'm glad about it!
Happy birthday to me!
When my mother was pregnant with me, I was in Fetal Distress. Fetal distress for those of you who don't know is a condition where the unborn baby isn't doing so well and is having complications. I remember my mom telling me how she was worried because I didn't really move for a few days inside of her. She told my godmother (who is a nurse) and she said to go to the doctor! I was having a hard time breathing on my own and my mom was placed on bed rest for a few months prior to my arrival. I'm so glad to be 26 years old because there was a possibility I wouldn't have made it to 1 day old without the grace of God. And I'm sure the world would be a sadder place without me ;) lol.
Now, why I don't mind telling people my age is because everyday is a blessing from God, and I'm glad to say He has been blessing me for decades now. Everyone should want to scream from the rooftops how long God has been blessing them! Those of you who feel you are old, don't! It's an amazing blessing to live as long as we are now. It feels good to know God is not through with me yet and He has plans for my future. When my day comes to depart this earth I'll be ready to go onto glory, but until then, I'm going to live and not worry about silly things like my age. Your age is just how many years I've been on this planet, not who I am. I feel the same as I did as a teenager, just a LOT wiser!! And I have so much more to learn. The teenagers in my life always tell me I'm getting old, and I tell them as my great grandmother always used to say "it's alright, just keep living." Not everyone in this world will be as fortunate as you to get to your age, so be grateful. I knew too many friends, classmates and friends who died at a young age and didn't get to attend prom, go to college, get married, or start a family.
The other day I was getting ready to walk across the street, thinking about somethings that I had been praying about and petitioning with God about and I was saying I felt like He forgot about me, then I heard a voice remind me if He forgot about me, He would have let me get hit by a car while I was crossing the street, I would have been dead already if He forgot about me because His protection would no be around me. I was 25 at the time, and obviously He still has a plan for me and I'm glad about it!
Happy birthday to me!
Thursday, October 17, 2013
Man Strangles Girlfriend with Dreadlock Part 2
I saw something that inspired me to do a part 2 to my last blog.
Last night I was in the City (San Francisco for those who don’t know) and those streets are cray! Yes I meant to say “cray”. We were in North Beach on a Ladies Night (my sister La Pria, godsister April and I) and were looking for parking to go to Cobb’s Comedy Club to see my new favorite comedian Ellis Rodriguez (if you haven’t heard about him please check him out on YouTube, he is hilarious and totally worthy of your time checking out his videos!!!). Those of you who are familiar with the City, you know parking is INSANE and we were literally driving around this 3 block radius for almost 30 minutes looking for a parking spot. So we were at a red light and there was a girl walking in the cross walk ahead of us. I let her go and checked both ways. I started moving into traffic when my dramatic sister La Pria yells “WHITNEY, WATCH OUT!” I was like “huh?” then I turn to look at her in the passenger seat and I see this guy who started walking across the street and he like stumbles onto the hood of my car. Let me make it clear, I DID NOT hit him, he walked into my car!! I’m mouthing to him “OH MY GOD, I am sooo sorry!!” then I roll down my window and start apologizing and he said it’s okay. La Pria and April both were like “I think he’s drunk” as he staggered in a zig zag pattern across the street. Then we all looked at the corner he was walking to and realized the girl who had walked past prior to this guy was with him!!!
How was this her boo, and she cared so little about him and his safety that she risked his life because of probably an argument or disagreement? Now, as I have already stated, if he hit her then yes, walk away. But, if it was just a disagreement, no matter how angry you are, you should NEVER put the person you love’s life in danger. I love this cartoon picture I saw before of an elderly couple sitting on a bench. They each were on separate sides and the man was turned facing out and is reaching back holding an umbrella over his wife in the rain. Even though he was angry with her, he still protected her and loved her. This is how it should be. I would never compromise the safety of the man I love because I was mad.
If I was this chick, I would have told him “Let me make this clear to you…I’m gonna make sure I get you home, but after that I’m back to being mad!”
Every bad situation in a relationship doesn’t call for a break up or a falling out. I hope that guy never forgets how she allowed him to wander into an extremely busy street and almost get hit by a car. She allowed him to get as drunk as he was obviously, and we all know you can’t listen to or get mad at a drunken person. They have no idea what they are saying or doing 96% of the time and have no recollection.
Good or bad, when you are committed to a person, you are there 100%. Relationships get rocky and if every minor infraction you are denying your love and opting for hate your relationship and your sanity will never survive the big issues in life. Show love in all situations good or bad is essential (again unless you are getting beaten or abused in other ways by your significant other) because it will make your life a lot easier, especially if you plan on staying with that person. Constant arguing is deteriorating to a relationship and a person’s sanity.
And on top of that, don’t do things to purposely agitate your partner. If they continually tell you what you are doing is hurting them, makes them upset, or any other negative emotion STOP DOING IT. If you are inconsiderate of others, you have no business in a relationship.
Last night I was in the City (San Francisco for those who don’t know) and those streets are cray! Yes I meant to say “cray”. We were in North Beach on a Ladies Night (my sister La Pria, godsister April and I) and were looking for parking to go to Cobb’s Comedy Club to see my new favorite comedian Ellis Rodriguez (if you haven’t heard about him please check him out on YouTube, he is hilarious and totally worthy of your time checking out his videos!!!). Those of you who are familiar with the City, you know parking is INSANE and we were literally driving around this 3 block radius for almost 30 minutes looking for a parking spot. So we were at a red light and there was a girl walking in the cross walk ahead of us. I let her go and checked both ways. I started moving into traffic when my dramatic sister La Pria yells “WHITNEY, WATCH OUT!” I was like “huh?” then I turn to look at her in the passenger seat and I see this guy who started walking across the street and he like stumbles onto the hood of my car. Let me make it clear, I DID NOT hit him, he walked into my car!! I’m mouthing to him “OH MY GOD, I am sooo sorry!!” then I roll down my window and start apologizing and he said it’s okay. La Pria and April both were like “I think he’s drunk” as he staggered in a zig zag pattern across the street. Then we all looked at the corner he was walking to and realized the girl who had walked past prior to this guy was with him!!!
How was this her boo, and she cared so little about him and his safety that she risked his life because of probably an argument or disagreement? Now, as I have already stated, if he hit her then yes, walk away. But, if it was just a disagreement, no matter how angry you are, you should NEVER put the person you love’s life in danger. I love this cartoon picture I saw before of an elderly couple sitting on a bench. They each were on separate sides and the man was turned facing out and is reaching back holding an umbrella over his wife in the rain. Even though he was angry with her, he still protected her and loved her. This is how it should be. I would never compromise the safety of the man I love because I was mad.
If I was this chick, I would have told him “Let me make this clear to you…I’m gonna make sure I get you home, but after that I’m back to being mad!”
Every bad situation in a relationship doesn’t call for a break up or a falling out. I hope that guy never forgets how she allowed him to wander into an extremely busy street and almost get hit by a car. She allowed him to get as drunk as he was obviously, and we all know you can’t listen to or get mad at a drunken person. They have no idea what they are saying or doing 96% of the time and have no recollection.
Good or bad, when you are committed to a person, you are there 100%. Relationships get rocky and if every minor infraction you are denying your love and opting for hate your relationship and your sanity will never survive the big issues in life. Show love in all situations good or bad is essential (again unless you are getting beaten or abused in other ways by your significant other) because it will make your life a lot easier, especially if you plan on staying with that person. Constant arguing is deteriorating to a relationship and a person’s sanity.
And on top of that, don’t do things to purposely agitate your partner. If they continually tell you what you are doing is hurting them, makes them upset, or any other negative emotion STOP DOING IT. If you are inconsiderate of others, you have no business in a relationship.
Wednesday, October 16, 2013
Man Strangles Girlfriend with Dreadlock
Recently I read an article of a crime that was committed earlier this year. A man apparently was arrested for strangling his girlfriend… with his dreadlocks!!!
I have heard of some pretty interesting items being used as a weapon, but this definitely takes the cake! MSN has an article of strange weapons including things such as Justin Bieber dolls, a dead dog, an alligator, peanut butter sandwich, but I feel a man had to be very desperate when he turns to his hair to assist him in his assault. What this says to me is that he wanted to make sure HE was the one to hurt her, not any other normal weapon. He wanted her total sum of her pain to only come from his hand (or any other part of his body that is attached to him). He had a personal problem with her and wanted to let her know every part of his body, even his hair, hated her and wanted to hurt her. My question is what made him so desperate to hurt his girlfriend?
Crazy stories like this make me reflect on guys I’ve dated or guys that have liked me. You really never have a full understanding of a person because you aren’t that person and you can’t see into their thoughts. He might be saying “I love you” and mean “I’m going to dig your eyeballs out with a spoon”. You just never know! It worries me that he tried to literally kill this woman whom he should have been loving and protective of her, but instead he became her worst nightmare. This guy was so desperate to hurt her he used anything to do it, I’m just glad it was his hair that he got to first and not a knife or a gun. Not only was he charged with strangulation, he was charged with kidnapping, assault, and menacing. I also wonder, were there any signs?
People get angry, I get it. We argue and fuss, but when a relationship gets abusive, physically, mentally, or verbally, it’s time to reevaluate your relationship. Love doesn’t hurt. “Love is patient, love is kind…it is not easily angered… Love does not delight in evil… It always protects” (1 Cor 13:4-8) The Bible says it best! No matter how angry I am, or how much I want to put my hands on a person, love will always keep me from acting on it (that is also because I am in my right mind!). When a person does not have control over their own actions and self, why does it seem they try to control someone else?
Recently on Facebook I read a poem someone posted that had been shared several times over. This poem was about a woman who was in an abusive relationship and kept making excuses for her boyfriend. He even assaulter her while she was pregnant. At the end of the poem the woman died at the hands of her abuser a.k.a. her lover. This poem was sad to say the least but what was really heartbreaking were the comments below the posting. There were soooo many women remarking with comments like “I’m lucky I got away” “I’m glad I got smart” “I consider myself one of the lucky ones” and many related comments divulging that these women too were victims of domestic violence from their significant others. It hurt me to my core how many women were making expressions of their horrible past. It made me wonder just how many women are there in the world who have gone through a similar experience and what in the world makes a man feel comfortable abusing a woman or anybody for that matter?
Unfortunately, domestic abuse is rarely reported. It is actually the most under reported crime there is so there are the statistics are not not accurately recorded.
Thank the good Lord above I have never been in a situation like this, but I am inclined to believe that there usually is some type of warning your significant other ain’t all right! When building a relationship and investing in each other, you begin to see tendencies, habits, reactions, and above all else your gut tells you when something isn’t okay. But the saying “love is blind” is completely correct, but love shouldn’t be deaf. I wish more people would listen to that voice inside of them, but instead too many people cover their ears and say “blah blah blah blah I’m not listening, I’m not listening!” when in fact they should be sensitive to those red flags. Now, I am not one to necessarily judge a book by it’s cover, but I must admit looking at the picture of the guy that was arrested, I could even tell something wasn’t right! We deny what we know is truth, and we create an imaginary world where those red flags actually turn into something positive. Like saying “my man loves me so much, he even follows me to work to make sure I get there safely.” No sugar, he’s stalking you because he doesn’t trust you and thinks you are either meeting up with another guy, or that you are fooling around with a co-worker. Accept the facts for what they are. Being in an abusive or controlling relationship is unhealthy for everyone involved, and it ends badly so so often.
Women have a responsibility for their own safety in these situations. If a woman survives a first attack, she needs to take a stance for herself and walk away. I believe that almost anything can be worked through in a relationship, but physical abuse is never acceptable and is a complete deal breaker. Making an excuse for a man’s actions does not make sense to anyone you try to convince. It’s never okay, no one with good sense will understand.
What also gets me is a person who won’t take sound advice from a friend. I don’t mean someone you barely know, but a friend that is genuine and knows you, loves you, wants everything good for you, who rides for you and has every good intention for you. If you can’t see the signs for yourself, they can. If you don’t warn your friend, you aren’t a good friend! I am so glad we live in a time of Google and background checks. Don’t be afraid of checking up on the person you’re dating. You have every right to know about a shady past or lack thereof. If they want to build a relationship on trust and if they have no bad intentions they will have nothing to hide. When he hits you (not literally hit lol) with the vague answers RED FLAG! Or the “why do you want to know”, that is a RED FLAG! Catch him in a lie, RED FLAG. If you have any questionable red flags with a person you are dating, let me know so we can figure this out!
I have heard of some pretty interesting items being used as a weapon, but this definitely takes the cake! MSN has an article of strange weapons including things such as Justin Bieber dolls, a dead dog, an alligator, peanut butter sandwich, but I feel a man had to be very desperate when he turns to his hair to assist him in his assault. What this says to me is that he wanted to make sure HE was the one to hurt her, not any other normal weapon. He wanted her total sum of her pain to only come from his hand (or any other part of his body that is attached to him). He had a personal problem with her and wanted to let her know every part of his body, even his hair, hated her and wanted to hurt her. My question is what made him so desperate to hurt his girlfriend?
Crazy stories like this make me reflect on guys I’ve dated or guys that have liked me. You really never have a full understanding of a person because you aren’t that person and you can’t see into their thoughts. He might be saying “I love you” and mean “I’m going to dig your eyeballs out with a spoon”. You just never know! It worries me that he tried to literally kill this woman whom he should have been loving and protective of her, but instead he became her worst nightmare. This guy was so desperate to hurt her he used anything to do it, I’m just glad it was his hair that he got to first and not a knife or a gun. Not only was he charged with strangulation, he was charged with kidnapping, assault, and menacing. I also wonder, were there any signs?
People get angry, I get it. We argue and fuss, but when a relationship gets abusive, physically, mentally, or verbally, it’s time to reevaluate your relationship. Love doesn’t hurt. “Love is patient, love is kind…it is not easily angered… Love does not delight in evil… It always protects” (1 Cor 13:4-8) The Bible says it best! No matter how angry I am, or how much I want to put my hands on a person, love will always keep me from acting on it (that is also because I am in my right mind!). When a person does not have control over their own actions and self, why does it seem they try to control someone else?
Recently on Facebook I read a poem someone posted that had been shared several times over. This poem was about a woman who was in an abusive relationship and kept making excuses for her boyfriend. He even assaulter her while she was pregnant. At the end of the poem the woman died at the hands of her abuser a.k.a. her lover. This poem was sad to say the least but what was really heartbreaking were the comments below the posting. There were soooo many women remarking with comments like “I’m lucky I got away” “I’m glad I got smart” “I consider myself one of the lucky ones” and many related comments divulging that these women too were victims of domestic violence from their significant others. It hurt me to my core how many women were making expressions of their horrible past. It made me wonder just how many women are there in the world who have gone through a similar experience and what in the world makes a man feel comfortable abusing a woman or anybody for that matter?
Unfortunately, domestic abuse is rarely reported. It is actually the most under reported crime there is so there are the statistics are not not accurately recorded.
Thank the good Lord above I have never been in a situation like this, but I am inclined to believe that there usually is some type of warning your significant other ain’t all right! When building a relationship and investing in each other, you begin to see tendencies, habits, reactions, and above all else your gut tells you when something isn’t okay. But the saying “love is blind” is completely correct, but love shouldn’t be deaf. I wish more people would listen to that voice inside of them, but instead too many people cover their ears and say “blah blah blah blah I’m not listening, I’m not listening!” when in fact they should be sensitive to those red flags. Now, I am not one to necessarily judge a book by it’s cover, but I must admit looking at the picture of the guy that was arrested, I could even tell something wasn’t right! We deny what we know is truth, and we create an imaginary world where those red flags actually turn into something positive. Like saying “my man loves me so much, he even follows me to work to make sure I get there safely.” No sugar, he’s stalking you because he doesn’t trust you and thinks you are either meeting up with another guy, or that you are fooling around with a co-worker. Accept the facts for what they are. Being in an abusive or controlling relationship is unhealthy for everyone involved, and it ends badly so so often.
Women have a responsibility for their own safety in these situations. If a woman survives a first attack, she needs to take a stance for herself and walk away. I believe that almost anything can be worked through in a relationship, but physical abuse is never acceptable and is a complete deal breaker. Making an excuse for a man’s actions does not make sense to anyone you try to convince. It’s never okay, no one with good sense will understand.
What also gets me is a person who won’t take sound advice from a friend. I don’t mean someone you barely know, but a friend that is genuine and knows you, loves you, wants everything good for you, who rides for you and has every good intention for you. If you can’t see the signs for yourself, they can. If you don’t warn your friend, you aren’t a good friend! I am so glad we live in a time of Google and background checks. Don’t be afraid of checking up on the person you’re dating. You have every right to know about a shady past or lack thereof. If they want to build a relationship on trust and if they have no bad intentions they will have nothing to hide. When he hits you (not literally hit lol) with the vague answers RED FLAG! Or the “why do you want to know”, that is a RED FLAG! Catch him in a lie, RED FLAG. If you have any questionable red flags with a person you are dating, let me know so we can figure this out!
Wednesday, October 9, 2013
A woman NOT of her word
One of my biggest pet peeves is people who don’t follow through.
On last evening, I went to Target and saw a familiar face. It was a guy who had come to visit my church with his girlfriend probably about a year ago. It made me think about the worship service and sort of struck a nerve.
His girlfriend during the service was such a spectacle. Now, please don’t think I am judging because I’m not. I will be completely factual without (or with minimum lol) opinion from me. The entire service she was very loudly making exclamations like:
“yes Lord”
“that’s right, come on”
“Hallelujah!”
“PREACH!”
“Glory”
“What?!”
“uh huh!!”
“Yes God!”
And I mean the complete service. She was very boisterous and distracting to say the least. But, every time the Pastor (like in all churches) started to quote a scripture and the church helped finish it, she was completely silent. That worried me. People will talk a great game, but can’t follow through in their actions. For members of any faith, it is extremely important to know what you believe and why and know your religious book because how can you practice it if you don’t know it? What is even worse is I know the Pastor and church that she had come from, and I know he is a thorough teacher of the gospel, so what was she doing while at his church? But this isn’t what this blog is about today, so I digress with my story… So after service she was supa turnt up talking to the Pastor about what she wants to do in the church, she wanted to join the choir, thoughts of membership with the church, if I remember correctly we were going to an appreciation service THAT DAY at another church and she wanted to sing in the choir… THAT DAY! She was very convincing in her approach… We never saw her again.
Maybe it is tremendously foolish and naïve of me, but I am a firm believer that a person’s word is their bond. If I can’t trust what you say, how are we suppose to have a friendship (or association) based on truth and trust? Some people don’t see it as a big deal, but I definitely do. I think of myself as a very reliable person. I am always, ALWAYS there for my friends and family. Anything I have they can have it or I’ll get them one just like it lol. I was relying on a young man one day to be entertainment at a community event I was on the planning committee for. We met up talked about the event and he agreed to it. I kept trying to play the numbers game with him but he wouldn’t give me his fee for events. This should have been a sign for me. So for two weeks I was calling him and texting him trying to contact him and he was nowhere to be found. I definitely learned my lesson with him. I really think he was just interested in me and when I was only talking business he backed off. He should be added to my creepy guy list.
When people are unreliable and undependable it makes me question much more than just their word. I take people not following through on their commitments very personal. I feel that it speaks to how a person feels about me. If you respected me, you wouldn’t treat me any type of way. And, you are in no way considerate of my time or my life even. May seen extreme, but I have had years to think about this. I don’t want people playing with my time or my money, and if you are unreliable you are probably playing with both. And I don’t need that!!
No one wants a friend that they had to bet odds on whether or not they are going to follow through. Don’t just talk a good game, be a good game. One of my favorite saying is “you can make your mouth say anything”, so what is important is what you do. Your actions need to be a consistent reflection of your words! If you are one of those unreliable people, now you know why people aren’t calling you as much anymore to hang out or to do something with them. It’s because you probably flaked several times on them and they see who you really are! The truth hurts, but self reflection and change is essential for growth. Love ya!
On last evening, I went to Target and saw a familiar face. It was a guy who had come to visit my church with his girlfriend probably about a year ago. It made me think about the worship service and sort of struck a nerve.
His girlfriend during the service was such a spectacle. Now, please don’t think I am judging because I’m not. I will be completely factual without (or with minimum lol) opinion from me. The entire service she was very loudly making exclamations like:
“yes Lord”
“that’s right, come on”
“Hallelujah!”
“PREACH!”
“Glory”
“What?!”
“uh huh!!”
“Yes God!”
And I mean the complete service. She was very boisterous and distracting to say the least. But, every time the Pastor (like in all churches) started to quote a scripture and the church helped finish it, she was completely silent. That worried me. People will talk a great game, but can’t follow through in their actions. For members of any faith, it is extremely important to know what you believe and why and know your religious book because how can you practice it if you don’t know it? What is even worse is I know the Pastor and church that she had come from, and I know he is a thorough teacher of the gospel, so what was she doing while at his church? But this isn’t what this blog is about today, so I digress with my story… So after service she was supa turnt up talking to the Pastor about what she wants to do in the church, she wanted to join the choir, thoughts of membership with the church, if I remember correctly we were going to an appreciation service THAT DAY at another church and she wanted to sing in the choir… THAT DAY! She was very convincing in her approach… We never saw her again.
Maybe it is tremendously foolish and naïve of me, but I am a firm believer that a person’s word is their bond. If I can’t trust what you say, how are we suppose to have a friendship (or association) based on truth and trust? Some people don’t see it as a big deal, but I definitely do. I think of myself as a very reliable person. I am always, ALWAYS there for my friends and family. Anything I have they can have it or I’ll get them one just like it lol. I was relying on a young man one day to be entertainment at a community event I was on the planning committee for. We met up talked about the event and he agreed to it. I kept trying to play the numbers game with him but he wouldn’t give me his fee for events. This should have been a sign for me. So for two weeks I was calling him and texting him trying to contact him and he was nowhere to be found. I definitely learned my lesson with him. I really think he was just interested in me and when I was only talking business he backed off. He should be added to my creepy guy list.
When people are unreliable and undependable it makes me question much more than just their word. I take people not following through on their commitments very personal. I feel that it speaks to how a person feels about me. If you respected me, you wouldn’t treat me any type of way. And, you are in no way considerate of my time or my life even. May seen extreme, but I have had years to think about this. I don’t want people playing with my time or my money, and if you are unreliable you are probably playing with both. And I don’t need that!!
No one wants a friend that they had to bet odds on whether or not they are going to follow through. Don’t just talk a good game, be a good game. One of my favorite saying is “you can make your mouth say anything”, so what is important is what you do. Your actions need to be a consistent reflection of your words! If you are one of those unreliable people, now you know why people aren’t calling you as much anymore to hang out or to do something with them. It’s because you probably flaked several times on them and they see who you really are! The truth hurts, but self reflection and change is essential for growth. Love ya!
Thursday, October 3, 2013
What pretty girls have to put up with, SMH!
Being pretty comes at a cost. Attention that I receive it great, but sometime its get a little strange.
Recent events that have transpired has made me think I am a creepy guy magnet. But let me start from the beginning. I remember what I think was my first creepy guy experience. I was 14 years old. It was a Saturday afternoon, and I was with my mom, my aunt, and I believe all of my 3 siblings. We had just come from a Saturday church service in Stockton so we were all dressed up. I always looked older than my age. This guy kept walking past me and I mean seriously staring, I mean like burning a hole in my forehead staring. This guy obviously was old enough to be my uncle if not my dad. He finally decides to approach me, but he doesn’t say anything he sticks his hand out to give me a piece of paper that had his phone number on it. I replied saying “I’m only 14”. He paused and thought then said “I’m 17”, and then reaches his hand out further for me to take his phone number. I don’t remember if I took the number and tossed it or if I still didn’t take it, but either way I did not reciprocate any desire to get to know him better. Then I remember a time when I was 17 years old and I was walking how from school. This older gentleman started talking to me. By older I mean elderly! Just thinking he wanted to converse, I engaged in the conversation. Then out of nowhere he said “so can I take you out sometime” my response was “I’m only 17”. Shocked the man walked away. Mind you, I was wearing a backpack and it was about 4pm, and we were right down the street from a high school, you could have put two and two together.
What happened this week truly supported the idea that I put off some vibe that attracts weird men. I was at a Starbucks on Sunday morning before church. The line was relatively long and I was thinking about what I would order when I heard a voice say “excuse me miss”. I turned and acknowledge the man. He says “do you know what time it is?” I didn’t have a watch or my cell phone and told him “I don’t but I know it’s after 10am”. He thanked me and continued on to say “are you from around here?” now let me interject; this man looked disheveled and scatterbrained. His tone was kind of cynical and eyes a little sketchy. I told him “yes I’m from Menlo Park” and turned back around. I tried my best to close the conversation. This line seemed to take forever!! I was in front of the pastry case when he sees my necklace and says “is that two arrows crossing?” I was just over trying to ignore him at this point so I told him it is but I’m unsure what it means. Knowing now at this point he wasn’t going to leave me alone, so I asked him if he was there for the arts and crafts festival that annually occurs downtown Menlo Park. He told me no he was there going to the Presbyterian Church down the street. Finally the barista took my order (thank goodness!) and the guy is helped by the counter barista. He got a pastry and sat down right by the front door (UGH!!!). While he wasn’t looking I ran out the back door.
Then yesterday (I know right??) a guy at the gas station (pumping gas waaaaay on the other side) was yelling out to me asking how my day was. I tried to ignore him. I turned my back didn’t make eye contact but this man was persistent. He was walking around the passenger side of his car (for no reason either, his gas tank was on the driver’s side) and then stopped and continued to try to spark a conversation with me. He waited until I turned around to have to remove the pump to try to get eye contact, or some type of acknowledgment. He walked over to me asking me if I’m familiar with the area. I told him I was. He asked me if there were any soul food restaurants around (was it because I’m Black???). I told him to go to CreoLa. I should have just said no but I didn’t want to lie. He started asking 11million billion questions about it. I just told him I’ve never been but my co-workers told me good things. He was like “oh okay, I’m about to go there right now” and started grinning like the Koolaid man, I guess assuming I would take that as an invite. At this point I was talking out the nozzle attempting to leave. He then starts asking me about TGI’s, yes he said TGI’s, asking about their drinks. I told him I don’t drink and then I walked away. If I didn’t need gas I would have left long before the conversation got that far.
After reflecting on those two incidents this week I began to be a tad nostalgic reminiscing on other creepy men. I had a guy at a community event hawking me for what seemed like an eternity. Out of nowhere he comes behind me and whispers in my ear “I seentchu peekin…” I turned around and looked at him with a look of horror and disgust. One guy that used to stay in my neighbor hood (I’m assuming because I saw him around but NEVER ACTUALLY MET HIM) came to my door one night and asked me was my boyfriend home. This was not only creepy but terrifying. A charter bus driver recently came to my job to pick up a group that was volunteering in our warehouse. I told him I’d let his group know he was there he replied “yeah… unless you wanna entertain me”. My response was “let me hurry and get your group!” A man that works at my church’s warming shelter recently sent a text message to my mom telling her her daughter (me) is the prettiest girl at the church. This man is almost my mom’s age, is in and out of jail and has in intermittent drug problem… oh and bad teeth! Oh yes!!! I sometimes volunteer at City Team Ministries in Oakland, and I was serving dinner one night. When I was leaving this homeless man said “that dinner sho was good!” I responded I’m glad you enjoyed it.” Then he said “maybe I can taste you…” I told him “ummm…NO, you can’t!!” SMH!! I forgot about Mario… this guy… creepy. I tried to leave out names but hey, whatever lol. My cousin introduced us, and we were “talking” for about a week or so when he came over for a BBQ at my old apartment with a bunch of friends, actually mostly his friends. Somehow he felt I was ignoring him (HELLO I’m entertaining an event at my own place!) and stormed off and was pouting on the steps and literally crying. I wanted him to leave, but everyone wanted me to talk to him to calm him down. He told me he tries to do everything he can to show me he cares about me and he really likes me. All I could think in my head is this man is crazy, I don’t even know his birthday or his middle name and I met him a week ago! Needless to say that was the end of our… “talking” I guess or whatever it was. And lastly, the man who everything he texted ended in “lol”. It would be like “how was your day lol?” “I just got off of work lol” “wanna go to SF lol?” “My grandma just died lol”… okay the last one wasn’t real, but you get the gist. I ignored him for days and finally responded to a text, he told me “I thought you were ignoring me or something lol”. That was our last correspondence. Unfortunately, this is only A FEW of the things that have happened to me!
This blog is to tell guys being creepy is not okay! We (ladies) talk about it and laugh about it behind your backs and we don’t find it attractive. If you question whether or not you are creepy, you probably are so fix it! Attractive women have to put up with enough and your weird antics and habits scare us… no they freak us out. Be appropriate! Sorry to hurt any feelings but I’m just being honest.
Recent events that have transpired has made me think I am a creepy guy magnet. But let me start from the beginning. I remember what I think was my first creepy guy experience. I was 14 years old. It was a Saturday afternoon, and I was with my mom, my aunt, and I believe all of my 3 siblings. We had just come from a Saturday church service in Stockton so we were all dressed up. I always looked older than my age. This guy kept walking past me and I mean seriously staring, I mean like burning a hole in my forehead staring. This guy obviously was old enough to be my uncle if not my dad. He finally decides to approach me, but he doesn’t say anything he sticks his hand out to give me a piece of paper that had his phone number on it. I replied saying “I’m only 14”. He paused and thought then said “I’m 17”, and then reaches his hand out further for me to take his phone number. I don’t remember if I took the number and tossed it or if I still didn’t take it, but either way I did not reciprocate any desire to get to know him better. Then I remember a time when I was 17 years old and I was walking how from school. This older gentleman started talking to me. By older I mean elderly! Just thinking he wanted to converse, I engaged in the conversation. Then out of nowhere he said “so can I take you out sometime” my response was “I’m only 17”. Shocked the man walked away. Mind you, I was wearing a backpack and it was about 4pm, and we were right down the street from a high school, you could have put two and two together.
What happened this week truly supported the idea that I put off some vibe that attracts weird men. I was at a Starbucks on Sunday morning before church. The line was relatively long and I was thinking about what I would order when I heard a voice say “excuse me miss”. I turned and acknowledge the man. He says “do you know what time it is?” I didn’t have a watch or my cell phone and told him “I don’t but I know it’s after 10am”. He thanked me and continued on to say “are you from around here?” now let me interject; this man looked disheveled and scatterbrained. His tone was kind of cynical and eyes a little sketchy. I told him “yes I’m from Menlo Park” and turned back around. I tried my best to close the conversation. This line seemed to take forever!! I was in front of the pastry case when he sees my necklace and says “is that two arrows crossing?” I was just over trying to ignore him at this point so I told him it is but I’m unsure what it means. Knowing now at this point he wasn’t going to leave me alone, so I asked him if he was there for the arts and crafts festival that annually occurs downtown Menlo Park. He told me no he was there going to the Presbyterian Church down the street. Finally the barista took my order (thank goodness!) and the guy is helped by the counter barista. He got a pastry and sat down right by the front door (UGH!!!). While he wasn’t looking I ran out the back door.
Then yesterday (I know right??) a guy at the gas station (pumping gas waaaaay on the other side) was yelling out to me asking how my day was. I tried to ignore him. I turned my back didn’t make eye contact but this man was persistent. He was walking around the passenger side of his car (for no reason either, his gas tank was on the driver’s side) and then stopped and continued to try to spark a conversation with me. He waited until I turned around to have to remove the pump to try to get eye contact, or some type of acknowledgment. He walked over to me asking me if I’m familiar with the area. I told him I was. He asked me if there were any soul food restaurants around (was it because I’m Black???). I told him to go to CreoLa. I should have just said no but I didn’t want to lie. He started asking 11million billion questions about it. I just told him I’ve never been but my co-workers told me good things. He was like “oh okay, I’m about to go there right now” and started grinning like the Koolaid man, I guess assuming I would take that as an invite. At this point I was talking out the nozzle attempting to leave. He then starts asking me about TGI’s, yes he said TGI’s, asking about their drinks. I told him I don’t drink and then I walked away. If I didn’t need gas I would have left long before the conversation got that far.
After reflecting on those two incidents this week I began to be a tad nostalgic reminiscing on other creepy men. I had a guy at a community event hawking me for what seemed like an eternity. Out of nowhere he comes behind me and whispers in my ear “I seentchu peekin…” I turned around and looked at him with a look of horror and disgust. One guy that used to stay in my neighbor hood (I’m assuming because I saw him around but NEVER ACTUALLY MET HIM) came to my door one night and asked me was my boyfriend home. This was not only creepy but terrifying. A charter bus driver recently came to my job to pick up a group that was volunteering in our warehouse. I told him I’d let his group know he was there he replied “yeah… unless you wanna entertain me”. My response was “let me hurry and get your group!” A man that works at my church’s warming shelter recently sent a text message to my mom telling her her daughter (me) is the prettiest girl at the church. This man is almost my mom’s age, is in and out of jail and has in intermittent drug problem… oh and bad teeth! Oh yes!!! I sometimes volunteer at City Team Ministries in Oakland, and I was serving dinner one night. When I was leaving this homeless man said “that dinner sho was good!” I responded I’m glad you enjoyed it.” Then he said “maybe I can taste you…” I told him “ummm…NO, you can’t!!” SMH!! I forgot about Mario… this guy… creepy. I tried to leave out names but hey, whatever lol. My cousin introduced us, and we were “talking” for about a week or so when he came over for a BBQ at my old apartment with a bunch of friends, actually mostly his friends. Somehow he felt I was ignoring him (HELLO I’m entertaining an event at my own place!) and stormed off and was pouting on the steps and literally crying. I wanted him to leave, but everyone wanted me to talk to him to calm him down. He told me he tries to do everything he can to show me he cares about me and he really likes me. All I could think in my head is this man is crazy, I don’t even know his birthday or his middle name and I met him a week ago! Needless to say that was the end of our… “talking” I guess or whatever it was. And lastly, the man who everything he texted ended in “lol”. It would be like “how was your day lol?” “I just got off of work lol” “wanna go to SF lol?” “My grandma just died lol”… okay the last one wasn’t real, but you get the gist. I ignored him for days and finally responded to a text, he told me “I thought you were ignoring me or something lol”. That was our last correspondence. Unfortunately, this is only A FEW of the things that have happened to me!
This blog is to tell guys being creepy is not okay! We (ladies) talk about it and laugh about it behind your backs and we don’t find it attractive. If you question whether or not you are creepy, you probably are so fix it! Attractive women have to put up with enough and your weird antics and habits scare us… no they freak us out. Be appropriate! Sorry to hurt any feelings but I’m just being honest.
Monday, September 30, 2013
Have a little passion
For about the last week I haven’t written anything. At least nothing independent from work because I haven’t had anything that has inspired me. As a writer, we often need something to spark the fire inside of us to eloquently create a wondrous piece and it usually doesn’t take much. Seeing a dog catch a Frisbee can be inspiration enough to write an entire novel series for some writers, but when those inspiring moments don’t happen it can be rather discouraging.
Writing to me is a natural gift that some people have. Others would disagree, which I’ve seen time and time again in college with examples stating it is something that is learned. I can be taught how to form a sentence, but no one can teach me how to be passionate about writing. And when there is no passion, there is rarely any motivation to pursue.
But, even though I have no inspiration, I still have passion. And since I have passion I’m still motivated to write something, anything. And all of this causes me to still have hope.
To be passionate about something is like the equivalent of being in love creatively. If I was in love with playing the piano, I would have never given it up. But I’m in love with writing. It’s easy to fall into a rut that causes you to lose desire to go after what you’re in love with. And you have to continue to fall in love. For me, I want to fall in love with writing every day. And because of that, I’ll write every day, even when it doesn’t make sense or when it’s silly, whether no one or everyone reads it.
Treat your creative passion like a lover. Nurture it, care for it, do special things for it like going to a workshop to keep things spicy, invest in it and spend time with it. If you let your love fade you’ll just be hurting yourself not allowing yourself to be happy. As for me, I want to be happy! Without a creative outlet life would probably suck!
Writing to me is a natural gift that some people have. Others would disagree, which I’ve seen time and time again in college with examples stating it is something that is learned. I can be taught how to form a sentence, but no one can teach me how to be passionate about writing. And when there is no passion, there is rarely any motivation to pursue.
But, even though I have no inspiration, I still have passion. And since I have passion I’m still motivated to write something, anything. And all of this causes me to still have hope.
To be passionate about something is like the equivalent of being in love creatively. If I was in love with playing the piano, I would have never given it up. But I’m in love with writing. It’s easy to fall into a rut that causes you to lose desire to go after what you’re in love with. And you have to continue to fall in love. For me, I want to fall in love with writing every day. And because of that, I’ll write every day, even when it doesn’t make sense or when it’s silly, whether no one or everyone reads it.
Treat your creative passion like a lover. Nurture it, care for it, do special things for it like going to a workshop to keep things spicy, invest in it and spend time with it. If you let your love fade you’ll just be hurting yourself not allowing yourself to be happy. As for me, I want to be happy! Without a creative outlet life would probably suck!
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
His achy breaky heart!
I wanted to discuss a topic that is now a dead horse that is still being beaten: Miley Cyrus at the VMA’s. I really don’t want to talk about her, but her dad Billy Ray Cyrus. I was reading an article that was a response to his daughter’s actions. He said that she is “still my little girl”, he can’t wait to see her, and other kind comments, not participating in any negative backlash from her obsession with “twerking” and not so becoming actions. The responses that I saw to his statement were mortifying to say the least.
People were saying things like Billy Ray get off your high horse, your daughter is a slut, how can you tolerate her behavior, and totally disrespecting both Billy Ray and Miley. How is a man loving his daughter in spite of her actions deserving of such ridicule? Has no one else ever done something to embarrass their parents?
I totally know that I have. When I was 17 years old, I was arrested. Most people don’t know about it because it’s not the most savory moment of my life. I used to be into bad boys—well I think technically they were in to me lol. I was a passenger unknowingly in a car that had been reported stolen. Long story short, the car wasn’t stolen and it was a mix up. But can you imagine how humiliating it was for my dad to get a call from the arresting officer telling him to come pick up his minor daughter because she had been arrested? Thank goodness my mom was out of town when this happened! I was ashamed and embarrassed when my Dad and brother-in-law came to get me. My dad didn’t yell, he didn’t get angry, I wasn’t put on punishment, he just made sure I was alright and we never talked about it again.
My Dad had every right to be mad at me. He had every right to rip me a new one for being in that type of situation because of the people I associated myself with. This never once made my dad throw it in my face or love me any less because I messed up. I’m sure Sadaam Husain’s mother loved him even though he is on the list of most evil people ever!
Shaking a little booty never killed anyone. Just saying. Being in the entertainment business, if you aren’t doing things to get you noticed, you will eventually fade away. I’m sure she is trying to develop a brand for herself. It’s tacky and tasteless, but it’s recognizable and leaves an impression. But marketing isn’t created for everyone, it’s for a target audience depending on demographics, age, culture, etc. she has to “sell” herself to a relatable audience that will be profitable for her. Maybe that’s what’s she is doing and that is why Billy Ray doesn’t have much to say about the situation. Who knows but him. But, I’m sure it is still breaking his achy breaky heart.
It is a parent’s responsibility to show unconditional love to their child regardless of what their actions are. I’m sure Miley was raised better than to turn her booty up as she does, but at this point she is an adult. Her dad can give her advice, but he can’t send her to her room and take her cell phone away because she misbehaved. He has as much control over her as any other parent does over a full functioning, independent adult. I feel like Billy Ray is in a situation where he can’t win. If he publically scolded her and joined in with the crowd making Miley a laughing stock he would be ridiculed and called a bad father. I’m sure he is very concerned for his daughter and is extremely hurt by this entire situation. There is no need for people to kick him while he’s already down. A good parent would look back on the life they have provided for their child and look where they went wrong in raising them. But, Miley is her own person and has to make her own mistakes. But if you ask me, it’s something in the water that they give the girls on the Disney Channel. Has anyone else noticed that after a girl ends her career with Disney they go crazy!? Maybe it’s them finding their identity, coming into their own, or they don’t want to be associated with the “girl next door” image they portrayed on TV. Whatever it is, it needs to stop.
All he can do and should do is love his daughter, and be there for her when she needs him. She I’m sure will come out of this phase at some point, I hope. But even if she doesn’t, she’ll always be Billy Ray’s little girl and nobody can change that by how ever repulsive their remarks are. Lay off Billy Ray people. He didn’t create this monster. People apparently are getting bored with the entertainment and the industry has to kick it up a notch to keep people interested. Blame society that constantly needs a new bright sparkly thingy in front of them to keep them engaged and entertained!
People were saying things like Billy Ray get off your high horse, your daughter is a slut, how can you tolerate her behavior, and totally disrespecting both Billy Ray and Miley. How is a man loving his daughter in spite of her actions deserving of such ridicule? Has no one else ever done something to embarrass their parents?
I totally know that I have. When I was 17 years old, I was arrested. Most people don’t know about it because it’s not the most savory moment of my life. I used to be into bad boys—well I think technically they were in to me lol. I was a passenger unknowingly in a car that had been reported stolen. Long story short, the car wasn’t stolen and it was a mix up. But can you imagine how humiliating it was for my dad to get a call from the arresting officer telling him to come pick up his minor daughter because she had been arrested? Thank goodness my mom was out of town when this happened! I was ashamed and embarrassed when my Dad and brother-in-law came to get me. My dad didn’t yell, he didn’t get angry, I wasn’t put on punishment, he just made sure I was alright and we never talked about it again.
My Dad had every right to be mad at me. He had every right to rip me a new one for being in that type of situation because of the people I associated myself with. This never once made my dad throw it in my face or love me any less because I messed up. I’m sure Sadaam Husain’s mother loved him even though he is on the list of most evil people ever!
Shaking a little booty never killed anyone. Just saying. Being in the entertainment business, if you aren’t doing things to get you noticed, you will eventually fade away. I’m sure she is trying to develop a brand for herself. It’s tacky and tasteless, but it’s recognizable and leaves an impression. But marketing isn’t created for everyone, it’s for a target audience depending on demographics, age, culture, etc. she has to “sell” herself to a relatable audience that will be profitable for her. Maybe that’s what’s she is doing and that is why Billy Ray doesn’t have much to say about the situation. Who knows but him. But, I’m sure it is still breaking his achy breaky heart.
It is a parent’s responsibility to show unconditional love to their child regardless of what their actions are. I’m sure Miley was raised better than to turn her booty up as she does, but at this point she is an adult. Her dad can give her advice, but he can’t send her to her room and take her cell phone away because she misbehaved. He has as much control over her as any other parent does over a full functioning, independent adult. I feel like Billy Ray is in a situation where he can’t win. If he publically scolded her and joined in with the crowd making Miley a laughing stock he would be ridiculed and called a bad father. I’m sure he is very concerned for his daughter and is extremely hurt by this entire situation. There is no need for people to kick him while he’s already down. A good parent would look back on the life they have provided for their child and look where they went wrong in raising them. But, Miley is her own person and has to make her own mistakes. But if you ask me, it’s something in the water that they give the girls on the Disney Channel. Has anyone else noticed that after a girl ends her career with Disney they go crazy!? Maybe it’s them finding their identity, coming into their own, or they don’t want to be associated with the “girl next door” image they portrayed on TV. Whatever it is, it needs to stop.
All he can do and should do is love his daughter, and be there for her when she needs him. She I’m sure will come out of this phase at some point, I hope. But even if she doesn’t, she’ll always be Billy Ray’s little girl and nobody can change that by how ever repulsive their remarks are. Lay off Billy Ray people. He didn’t create this monster. People apparently are getting bored with the entertainment and the industry has to kick it up a notch to keep people interested. Blame society that constantly needs a new bright sparkly thingy in front of them to keep them engaged and entertained!
Monday, September 23, 2013
Don't forget
I had the fortunate pleasure of speaking a sermonette at the CNW Jurisdictional Holy Convocation this year. This is the message I brought, with a change at the end of my personal testimony. It's long but I suggest reading! :)
Don’t Forget
We live in a world that tends to forget things. Some of you in this room right now might not even remember what you had for lunch today. So, to help cope with the forgetfulness, we have things day planners, cell phone reminders, email reminders and calendars to help us stay on schedule. There are many reasons that we forget, some might even be health related like Alzheimer’s disease, Dementia, Amnesia or Thyroid problems just to name a few. But apparently these memory problems didn’t just start in present day, the problem has been affecting people for awhile.
Luke 17:11-19-New King James Version (NKJV)
11 Now it happened as He went to Jerusalem that He passed through the midst of Samaria and Galilee. 12 Then as He entered a certain village, there met Him ten men who were lepers, who stood afar off. 13 And they lifted up their voices and said, “Jesus, Master, have mercy on us!”
It looks like these lepers had heard about Jesus, and remembered of His healing power.
14 So when He saw them, He said to them, “Go, show yourselves to the priests.” And so it was that as they went, they were cleansed.
15 And one of them, when he saw that he was healed, returned, and with a loud voice glorified God, 16 and fell down on his face at His feet, giving Him thanks. And he was a Samaritan.
17 So Jesus answered and said, “Were there not ten cleansed? But where are the nine? 18 Were there not any found who returned to give glory to God except this foreigner?” 19 And He said to him, “Arise, go your way. Your faith has made you well.”
See, when we read and think about the story of the lepers, we tend to say how ungrateful they were, and how could they act like that? But I would like to propose the idea that maybe they just forgot! And I must say it’s probably understandable. Just think about it if you were in their shoes: you’ve been sick for so long, you have to yell out “unclean” when you come into town, can’t be around people you love and care about, and you can’t come up in the world because all your friends are sick just like you. Have you seen a person with leprosy? Gross!!! I’m sure they were so excited when they were healed they went banqueting and seeing all of their family and friends they forgot about who it was who healed them. They forgot about saying “thank you”. Only one of them didn’t forget. See, we do this also. So when we talk about the lepers, we might as well be talking about ourselves. We forget too. We forget the Psalms 121:1-2
Psalm 121:1-2 -New King James Version (NKJV)
121 I will lift up my eyes to the hills—
From whence comes my help?
2 My help comes from the LORD,
Who made heaven and earth.
We have too many things nowadays that are accessible to us that we forget where all of our help comes from!
Let’s look at why we forget today:
• When we have a problem we talk to Dr. Phil
• Searching for something? We turn to Google
• When we’re sick we go to the Dr.
• In times of trouble we call on our friends instead of calling on God!
We forget God is our healer, our helper, we forget God is our provider, our way maker, our protector and so much more.
We act like the Israelites who were so blessed; God stayed with them but they forgot about Him, and constantly were complaining, serving idols and disobeying, as if God had done nothing.
Even when we say “thank God” or “thank you Jesus” we forget about the POWER in those names. We forget Acts 4:12 (The Holy Spirit speaking through Peter)
Acts 4:12- New King James Version (NKJV)
12 Nor is there salvation in any other, for there is no other name under heaven given among men by which we must be saved.”
Jesus’ name is the only name by which you can be saved! We should say “thank you Jesus” with power, authority, and total sincerity!
We’ll say “oh thank God I missed that traffic…” instead we should be thanking God that we weren’t the accident that caused the traffic. We forget that it could have been us, like we’re exempt from tragedy. Remember it is by the grace of God we are protected.
Remember when Jesus was on the cross with the two criminals, one on each side and the SMART one said
Luke 23:42-43-New King James Version (NKJV)
42 … “Lord, remember me when You come into Your kingdom.”
43 And Jesus said to him, “Assuredly, I say to you, today you will be with Me in Paradise.”
Now if we call ourselves Christians, that means we ought to be Christ like. So, if we are being like Christ, and He didn’t forget about us, why do we forget about Him and the power he has?
A few months ago, I found myself having to go to the doctor. But it wasn’t because I was feeling sick, it was because I was feeling so good and I knew something had to be wrong. I was missing my regular monthly cycle. I knew I wasn’t possibly pregnant, so I decided to go to the doctor and see what was going on. When I was checking in, the young lady asked me did I want to do my annual physical because if I did it’s free, and making the whole visit completely free. As I’ve said in previous blogs I love free things, so of course I said yes!!
When I went in the appointment the doctor was asking me different questions about my family health history. Something I said prompted her to have me take a blood test for a few specific possible conditions.
I was in no rush to get the blood test done, but I went a few days after my appointment on a Saturday morning. The results came in on Sunday, and shortly after I receive an urgent email message from my doctor telling me I have an extremely underactive Thyroid and I need to start taking a medicine for it immediately. She was rushing a prescription over and I needed to get it today. I saw the results for my Thyroid Stimulating Hormone. It was 305.15. The regular range is about .10-5.5. I had over 55 TIMES the high/normal level in my body. To feel so great, I could have went into a condition called Myxedema Coma, or I could have died from having such a high level of TSH in my body.
The Thyroid Stimulating Hormone does exactly what the name says. It’s a hormone that sends a signal to the Thyroid to tell it to do its job. Obviously, the Thyroid was a sleep because that was a bunch of signals to send! The doctor told me that when the condition gets so bad things happen, like a lack of a monthly cycle.
I started taking the medication, but I was not sure how I felt about it. I went back 6 weeks later to take another blood test, assuming my levels would be down to probably 100, the results said that my TSH level was .77!! Thank God! And then, 4 weeks after that down to .16!! It was amazing. My Endocrinologist confirmed that I have a condition called Hoshimoto’s Disease. He claims that I will most likely be on medication for the rest of my life, and that also my Thyroid will eventually stop working. Now, this is what the doctor said, but I’m trusting on what God says! Man’s extremity is God’s opportunity!
See I didn’t forget about God watching over the Israelites, nor did I forget about how he protected Daniel and raised Lazarus from the dead. I surely did not forget about Jesus healing the ten lepers. All
I can say is watch God work a miracle in me!
God didn’t forget about us and hasn’t forgotten about you, and you don’t forget either!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)