Monday, March 10, 2014

Checking someone out isn't a crime!

I absolutely love love love Fridays. I wait all week for them. It’s possible that it’s my favorite day at work. We and my work boyfriends (a few guys that I always eat lunch with) call it “anything goes Friday” because we try our best during the week to eat well, but Fridays we go wild!! I come in to work in a great mood on Fridays, and the biggest part of Friday is I usually dress a little nicer than usual. Kinda backwards because Fridays are usually a dress down for people, but I’m different so accept it and get over it! Lol. But even though it’s such a great day, I accidently caught one of my co-workers checking out my butt!! It was a very startling moment…

Now, I do have to say, this co-worker has openly expressed his interest in me over and over and over and over and OVER again. We actually went on a date, even though I didn’t realize it was a date until he asked me “so why are you single?” and I had to respond saying “I’m not, I’ve been seeing someone for almost 3 years.” Now that was truly awkward! But I digress… I was looking in the refrigerator in our break room for some lemon juice I had and I mean I was searching. I was checking the bottom shelves bending over really in there looking when I heard something behind me so I stood up and turned around. Low and behold, there was my co-worker, leaning against the door down the hall getting a good look at my rear end. He didn’t apologize, I even did the shocked =-O face but it didn’t matter. He smiled and walked away. I was at first in the position to be stunned that he was so bold about it and I even posted it on Facebook. One of my friends, Michelle, responded saying “What was he supposed to do? lol” and you know what, she is absolutely right! It was there Now I am far from a fan of being sexualized, I absolutely hate it, but it was just his eyes. He didn’t touch me, he didn’t say anything vulgar, he wasn't licking his lips having that total perv thing going on with his hand in his pocket (I'm not going to explain that if you don't know what that is lol), he is actually an attractive man and I have been doing mad squats and cycling so it actually made me feel kind of good :) . The majority of women in America want to feel attractive and sexy, so what’s wrong with a little attention? Isn’t that a part of WHY we get dressed up, smother our pores in layers of make-up, and damage our hair to no end with flat irons and curling irons?

I think it is in human nature to find yourself looking at something that is appealing to you, whether it is a pair of amazing shoes, breathtaking sunset, or an incredibly chiseled man or curvy woman. Don’t take everything so seriously. Just because a person is checking out your body doesn’t mean that they want to rip your clothes off and throw you up against the wall and have their way with you. Maybe they are just admiring what you have going on. And even if they do what to reenact a scene from 50 Shades with you, it doesn’t mean they see you as a sexualized object and don’t respect you. Don’t be offended, be flattered! I think as women with our semi-feminist ideologies we want so hard to be seen a person and not an object that we misread situations quite often as something as harmless or even PG rating as vulgar and degrading. We are not a nifty gadget for men to play with if we don’t allow it! Men thrive off the physical until they get to know the emotional or mental so don’t be upset if he is only attracted to the physical, help get to know the rest of you! If he gets to know the rest of you and still know is worried about your rockin’ bod, then worry!

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

T-Pain is Insecure

Typically, I don’t listen to the radio. A few weeks ago though, I was listening to a song on the radio that forced me to turn it off. It was a song by T-Pain called “Up Down (do this all day)” (I just discovered this was the title). I wasn’t paying much attention to the lyrics until one in particular stood out to me that said “she don’t even like girls but a stack will make her kiss her”. It made think about T-Pain a little deeper. His song sent a clear message to me.

T-Pain’s music isn’t an ode to how he feels about women; it is reflection on how he feels about himself. He has made it ever so obvious that he has very low self esteem. There is no man that I know of that would want to have a woman that could be classified as “ratchet” or “trashy” and by the description of the women he describes in his songs he doesn’t think that HE can do any better. He’s already been in love with a stripper, so he repeatedly tells us that he can’t get a woman’s attention without money. He also sings about having to pay the bartender to spend time with him, and we all know bartenders are about those good tips so they will flirt their behind off for a nice chunk of change and he has plenty money to keep a bartender entertaining him. He gets attention from women that are at work that have no choice but to deal with him. I guess he can’t just meet a woman in line at the grocery store or take a young lady on a date like most people… Another one of his lyrics says that he doesn’t have a problem spending all of his money on a woman. Now, I did a little research and T-Pain’s net worth is between $30-35 million. I have yet to meet a multi-millionaire that would feel it necessary to spend bundles of dough on a woman. Most men have such egos and high self esteem they would seek out a woman that would be considered “top notch” not someone that is the left over in the bottom of the barrel. In his mind all he can get is a no good gold digger. He is so desperate for attention from a woman he is willing to spend ALL of that money that he has on a woman that doesn’t even want him. No doubt, he feels that he is not worthy of a respectable woman. His song undeniably points out that he is so repulsive to women a girl would rather go the other way than engage in any type of sexual activity with him. He doesn’t mention that he could pay her to kiss HIM if you notice. No matter how much he spends, a woman will still not touch him in any way. He doesn’t see himself as a “catch”. He evidently is insecure.

Looking back, I can’t recall ever seeing him in the blogs with some scandal with a woman. I don’t know if he’s dating anyone. I don’t watch many award shows and I may be wrong but I never see some bombshell on his side. This really might be an issue for him.

Music is open to interpretation and this is more than a song to me, it is a cry for help. At least he is making a dollar off his pain (probably has something to do with his stage name which is connected to pain he felt growing up in Tallahassee!). I don’t have any real advice for him in this situation because he indisputably turned his issues into a profitable venture. He seems like a really fun guy that could make a respectable woman happy. I just hope one day he settles down with someone who loves him and not his money. But, I guess some guys just like ratchet.

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Strange things I said or did today

I was keeping record of a bunch of strange things my friends, family and I were doing for awhile... I think I'll start keeping another record... stay tuned for some more stuff!

Strange things I said or did today:
8/23/13 “I’ll make you eat your own toe nails.”

8/26/13 I sent a picture of one of my strands of hair with a severe split end to my godsister Paris.

8/29/13 “You gonna be mad when I come back Gucci-ed out!”

9/6/13 “These jeans are fitting like a glove” turn to the side in the mirror “awwww, but the booty aint lookin big!” 

9/7/13 I almost convinced my little sister, Breona, she was going to Boston for boarding school. Then she responded saying I don’t want to come back and talk like this, and proceeded to talk in an English accent. :-/ I’m worried about her.

9/11/13 I told my pastor “you want to get tickled to death?”

9/13/13 “It’s Friday, I ain’t got no job—oh wait… I do! Let me get ready”
I got in the bed to brush my teeth.

9/14/13 My sister La Pria and I were parked while picking up our godsister, April. April gets in the car but La Pria was fixing her makeup. This is the conversation that happened next:
La Pria: I have to finish drawing my eyebrows because if I do it when I’m driving I’ll mess them up
Me: See, that’s why you don’t do your make up while you’re driving... Because you might mess up!
Then, La Pria almost flipped the car and almost killed us all turning into the Krispy Kremes parking lot. She really wanted a donut.

9/16/13 I googled “can I microwave grounded beef?”

9/17/13 I sent a text to my friend Tameeka saying “I wish you ate chicken.” But maybe she’s the strange one in this instance.

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

I hecka love my mom

My mother is an incredible woman. I would argue the fact that she is the best mom in the entire universe. She loves her kids so much and is the most compassionate person I know. Everyone who knows her loves her and she loves them even more. I don’t know how many times people have expressed to me how much they admire my mom and how awesome she is and what a blessing it is to know her. She sacrifices so much of herself and is a true vessel allowing God to use her in any way she is needed, her hands are never found idle. My dad is wondrous person as well; I’ll discuss him at a later date…

The summer before high school when I was 13, we found out that my mom had Thyroid Cancer. She might have had it for years but we didn’t know it. This was a really hard time on my family. My little sister was only a year old, and my aunt helped out majorly during this time. While my dad took care of business at home helping with all of my mother’s medical needs, paperwork, etc. my sisters (and brother for part of the time) and I went to Sacramento to stay with my aunt for the majority of the summer. My aunt is an angel sent from Heaven, I love her so much too. My mom during this time had to go into surgery to remove the cancer out of her body. After the surgery was complete, she ended up having to be rushed back into surgery because the surgeon pierced a vein and she was choking to death on her own blood. After she recovered she had to go into radiation treatment. She couldn’t be around anyone so she would have to go and have the treatment and go stay at a hotel for a week at a time.

I remember the first time I saw my mom in weeks when she came to Sacramento after she had surgery. We were at my aunt’s old church and my mom walked in. She was wearing an orange suit and had on her high heels, dressed to the nine as usual. She walked down the aisle and I had suck mixed emotions. I was so excited to see my mom, but at the same time so devastated. I had never seen my mom look so sick in my life. I was so heartbroken over the things that had happened to her but she was so strong about the whole situation and positive. I really saw how a person can go through Hell and yet thank God. I could have lost my might, but she is such a fighter and never gives up.

When I found out last April that I had a severely underactive Thyroid and Hashimoto’s disease, once again I had such mixed emotions. I was battling inside myself about how to deal with it. I didn’t want to talk about it because I didn’t want to give it life, but I couldn’t ignore it either. I also didn’t want people to think that I didn’t think God could deliver me, because I believed it then and I know that one day He will deliver me. I know that in front of people I save face, but something about talking to my mom can break me down. She had told me she told some of my aunts about it and I got so upset with her. I didn’t want anyone to know what was going on. I got off the phone with her and called back the next day to apologize. When I was talking she apologized for telling and I had to finally tell her why I didn’t want people to know. I didn’t want people to see me as weak or as if I had to be coddled. My mom started to cry and she told me how sorry she was that I was going through this and she felt such guilt because she had Hashimoto’s disease that lead to her Thyroid cancer. I never blamed her for it, it never even crossed my mind!! But I will never ever in my life forget what she told me in that conversation. She told me this “I hated cancer; I hated every bit of it and everything I had to go through. But if going through all of that let the doctor’s know what to test you for, I’d do it all again.” It was the most profound statement ever said to me.

Mom mother is a remarkable woman. Especially to me a woman to have a relatively absent mother and father growing up, she came out to be far past amazing as a woman and especially as a mother. I pity her parents who cannot take credit for the stunning person they created. The credit really goes to God, her godparents Lula and Earnest J. O’Neal, and my sweet sweet great grandmother Minnie Heath and I love and appreciate all they ever did for my mom.

This blog isn’t one with an underlying meaning. Just wanted everyone to know how phenomenal my mom is. If I can be half the woman she is, I’ll be pretty spectacular too.

Thursday, January 2, 2014

Why can't I keep up with my glasses?

I remembered a pretty important fact today when looking for my glasses.

Lately, I have gotten into the habit of losing things. I have NEVER had this problem before, I’m not sure if it’s my old age or what, I just can’t keep up with things. Today (and yesterday morning as well) I was looking ALL OVER for my glasses! I don’t know why I can’t keep up with them. I’ve been wearing glasses for 10 years so at this point you’d think I’d have it together… but I don’t… Anyways, I was getting ready for work and was about to walk out the door when I realized I didn’t have my glasses. For some reason I never remember when I am at home that I can’t see (lol). It’s like in my apartment I have 20/20 vision only! I could not find my glasses anywhere! Knowing I had to stop and get coffee before work, I was panicking a bit because I need my morning caffeine fix (don’t judge me!) and I was already running late. Frantically, I searched all over my place in the usual spots I put my glasses and could not find them! When all hope was almost gone I said “Lord, please help me find—oh thank you Lord!!” Before I could even get it out of my mouth God showed me where my glasses were at. They had fallen behind this basket of laundry I was folding in the living room. It never fails when I start praying to God to help me, He is faithful and guides me right to what I was looking for. I just wish sometimes I would stop exhausting myself depending on my own efforts when God is all knowing and more than capable to help me!

Why do we always turn to God as a final hope? We try and try and try just to still end up nowhere and end up frustrated and hopeless and in our last efforts call on Him when we should have turned to God in the first place to avoid the nonsense. We get ourselves way deeper into a situation trying to handle it on our own than we need to be if we would recognize that God is our strength and has been all along and turn to Him and GIVE the problem to Him from the beginning! Trust me and believe me when I say that God has every desire to rescue you from what you are facing, you just need to LET HIM!

It absolutely drives me crazy when people say “well, all you can do now is just pray”. NO!!!! All you should have done is prayed!!! Prayer is not a last resort; it should always be a first reaction. The power of prayer is incomparable. There is not any problem in life that God is unable to take on. You aren’t bothering Him or pestering Him when you pray! You are doing what He wants when you pray a.k.a. COMMUNICATE with Him!

No matter how large or small your problem is, talk to God about it. He will amaze you with His response every time!

Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Get some sleep!

How to get to sleep… Naturally!

If I were to survey 10,000 people in the U.S. and ask them what are some things they need more of, many of them (right after saying more money!) would say more sleep. And because over 40 million Americans suffer from different chronic sleep disorders ranging from sleep apnea to insomnia it is important for us all to find ways to sleep better. There are more efficient and useful ways to drift into Dreamland than just popping a sleeping pill or the ageless chore of boring yourself to sleep by counting sheep. It becomes a cycle of suppressants and caffeine to keep your body functioning. Not cool! There are much better ways to getting a good night’s rest. Here are some natural remedies to cure sleepless nights!

1. Stay active during the day. I know I am guilty of the afternoon nap and sluggish ways after a long days work (or day of shopping!). Studies have shown that people who exercise at least four times a week sleep better and have lower signs or depression. Exercising and staying active will not only have you feeling better physically, but emotionally and mentally as well. It will also take away the midday sleepiness that falls upon most of us around 2:30pm! If you have to nap, do not exceed 25 minutes. If you nap for too long your body naturally goes into other stages of sleep causing inertia (that uncomfortable groggy feeling) because you have been in a deep sleep and interrupted it. Insomnia can also be a result of depression so an active lifestyle is an overall health benefit!

2. Schedule your caffeine intake. If you want to stay up until 3am by all means drink that quad espresso with caramel drizzle in the late evening, but if not , don’t drink it too late. Caffeine can stay in your body for up to 14 hours so it is important to cut down on what you ingest by the early afternoon if you plan on going to bed at a decent time. Develop a schedule of when you can conveniently discontinue the use of caffeine during the day, especially if you have a caffeine dependency. If you stop drinking coffee or soda too early, you’ll get a withdrawal headache and that will also cause you to have a hard time getting to sleep. If you absolutely need caffeine, consume it up until 4-6 hours before you are planning on going to bed.

3. Only associate your bed with sleep. How many of us talk on the phone, watch a good movie, or even eat in bed? This is a major no-no! The bed is supposed to be for two things… the one I will say is sleep (I’m sure you can figure out the other one, wink wink!) When you do other activities in the bed other than what it is designated for, you are programming your mind and body to NOT shut down when you are in bed. You are making it more difficult for yourself to sleep when you do this. Instead, if you must be in your room for movie or snack time, get a cozy chair to lounge in and keep it in your room. But by all means, avoid doing anything else in your bed!

4. No pets in bed! I know we all love to cuddle with our furry creatures, but they might be why you are so restless at night. It is quite possible that you have some type of allergy to your pet-child and it is irritating you when you are unaware of it. Best thing is to get an allergy test to make sure. Also, their movement during the night also might be the trigger causing you to drift in and out of sleep causing a grumpy person in the morning. Get a pet bed to put close to your bed if they must be near you at night. It will take some adjusting to but you’ll be a much more pleasant person. You’re co-workers will thank you for it too!

5. Stop smoking and drinking. Smoking cigarettes is just a bad habit anyways and has no health benefit so you should probably not do it all together, but if you must smoke do it in moderation to sedate you. A large amount of nicotine acts like caffeine instead of relaxing you and will keep you alert. Also when you have a nicotine dependency, you will probably have withdrawals during the night causing you to get up and take a few unnecessary, but necessary, puffs to satisfy your craving. Drinking large amounts of alcohol can cause arousal during the night, not to mention frequent urination. No, not just that type of arousal! It just keeps you up as in awake and alert mentally! It will act as a sedative at first but then it becomes the “Up All Night Show”. Again drink in moderation if you want to be able to function the next day.

Getting to sleep shouldn’t be that difficult, but I can attest to the fact that some days it is easier to find Waldo than find a way to sleep comfortably. A good night’s sleep is possible, but you might just have to work a little harder at it!

Monday, December 23, 2013

Apparently, I'm a Chronophiliac

As far back as I can remember, I have been interested in older men. Let me say this: I don’t have daddy issues, this is my preference. I don’t mean men 30 years older than me, but about 8, 10, 12, up to even 15 years older than me. It’s always been something about them that I just love!

It all started when I was just a little girl…

I was probably about 6 or 7 when it started… There was a guy who attended my church and I was totally and completely in love with this man. His name was Bro. Ralph. I remember in testimony service, I would say “Please pray for me, my family and everyone else I know, and Bro. Ralph.” Everyone thought it was so adorable, but I from the bottom of my heart meant it every single time I said it. Mind you, this man had kids older than me and of course at 6 or 7 I had no business being in love with anyone, but you get the picture. Older men have always been appealing to me.

Now obviously, nothing is ever 100%, so what I am about to talk about doesn't apply to ALL guys slightly older but for the sake of the blog, it is for all of the older men I would like to refer to. I asked a few women who also are interested in older men and the consensus is consistent. There are a few major reasons why we love older men.

Maturity. Everyone knows that women mature at a (much) faster rate than men. When I date an older man I feel that our maturity level is more comparable than a guy that is my age. I have always related better with people older than myself. I consider myself to be very mature :)

Stability. I am not looking for a sugar daddy in the least bit, but I definitely don’t want to be in a position where I am forced to take care of a man. I think it is reasonable of me to expect to have a man that is able to take care of me even though I don’t need him to. I am drawn to a man who has his stuff together to say the least. I don’t have the time to wait for a man to catch up to where I am talking about what they’re thinking about doing with their future.

Focus and goal oriented. An older guy is already reaching those goals he set for himself when he was in his early 20’s and his perspective is different because of his life experience. Something about this is so attractive to me!! A man with a plan is gets no better! Well it does get better, but you get the point! I think the most fetching thing I have ever heard is a guy I was dating was on a conference call. When he was talking business I literally started to picture our future lol!

Consistency and consideration. The games are over at this point for a man a few years older. He doesn’t have to do the “wait three days” rule or any other foolery that guys in their 20’s think is okay to do. If he says he’s going to do something, he’s going to do it. If he can’t do it, he will be straight forward with you. He will be considerate of your feelings and think a little more before he says or does anything because he has be through it enough to know how a woman will react. He cares about how something will affect you, and he will want your best interest to be at the forefront of his mind. Young guys don’t think about the outcome and say or do whatever they feel not thinking about what the result will be, and then think that an “I’m sorry” will fix it. At least with an older guy, gifts or a fancy dinner comes with the apology! You can cry infront of them, and instead of thinking you're a basketcase they'll be the shoulder you need to cry on and understand whatever emotion you are feeling. Their automatic response won't be "are you on your period or something?" And even if it is the reason, an older guy will know to shower you with chocolates and heating pads! He has a bit more sense...

More practical. I can’t stand someone who is cheap, but I do appreciate how an older guy plans for the future and buys what is affordable, not just because it’s popular. I think being practical and splurging everyone in awhile is the best way to go. Younger guys don’t really care about the rainy day and are enjoying the financially sunny days. I want someone who is better prepared with a few umbrellas when the storm comes.

And lastly…

More handsome! I don’t know why but the older men get the better looking they get! I think that Morris Chestnut is a perfect example. I saw an episode of the Cosby Show with him in it… he looked awful! Oh but time has brought about a change in his life! I jokingly say that there is one thing I hate about Black men, and it’s that they get better with age! I’m 26 and I have my wrinkle creams and under eye creams trying to keep it together and these men are looking flawless! And this is men of any race. For the majority, their skin does not crack, or if it does its still hot!

I have several friends who have thought I was crazy dating guys a few years older than me… until they try it… and they say “why didn’t I do this sooner?” I mean, of course it’s not for everyone but I recommend any woman to try it at least once. I often hear that “we won’t have anything in common”… that’s a possibility with ANY man regardless of age. You’ll probably get along a lot better than you anticipated and have much more to talk about than you expected! It's just a few extra years they've lived ladies. IT IS NOT THAT BIG OF A DEAL!!! I am sure that I will have a few women thanking me after this blog and probably some men too!