Monday, September 30, 2013

Have a little passion

For about the last week I haven’t written anything. At least nothing independent from work because I haven’t had anything that has inspired me. As a writer, we often need something to spark the fire inside of us to eloquently create a wondrous piece and it usually doesn’t take much. Seeing a dog catch a Frisbee can be inspiration enough to write an entire novel series for some writers, but when those inspiring moments don’t happen it can be rather discouraging.

Writing to me is a natural gift that some people have. Others would disagree, which I’ve seen time and time again in college with examples stating it is something that is learned. I can be taught how to form a sentence, but no one can teach me how to be passionate about writing. And when there is no passion, there is rarely any motivation to pursue.

But, even though I have no inspiration, I still have passion. And since I have passion I’m still motivated to write something, anything. And all of this causes me to still have hope.

To be passionate about something is like the equivalent of being in love creatively. If I was in love with playing the piano, I would have never given it up. But I’m in love with writing. It’s easy to fall into a rut that causes you to lose desire to go after what you’re in love with. And you have to continue to fall in love. For me, I want to fall in love with writing every day. And because of that, I’ll write every day, even when it doesn’t make sense or when it’s silly, whether no one or everyone reads it.

Treat your creative passion like a lover. Nurture it, care for it, do special things for it like going to a workshop to keep things spicy, invest in it and spend time with it. If you let your love fade you’ll just be hurting yourself not allowing yourself to be happy. As for me, I want to be happy! Without a creative outlet life would probably suck!

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

His achy breaky heart!

I wanted to discuss a topic that is now a dead horse that is still being beaten: Miley Cyrus at the VMA’s. I really don’t want to talk about her, but her dad Billy Ray Cyrus. I was reading an article that was a response to his daughter’s actions. He said that she is “still my little girl”, he can’t wait to see her, and other kind comments, not participating in any negative backlash from her obsession with “twerking” and not so becoming actions. The responses that I saw to his statement were mortifying to say the least.

People were saying things like Billy Ray get off your high horse, your daughter is a slut, how can you tolerate her behavior, and totally disrespecting both Billy Ray and Miley. How is a man loving his daughter in spite of her actions deserving of such ridicule? Has no one else ever done something to embarrass their parents?

I totally know that I have. When I was 17 years old, I was arrested. Most people don’t know about it because it’s not the most savory moment of my life. I used to be into bad boys—well I think technically they were in to me lol. I was a passenger unknowingly in a car that had been reported stolen. Long story short, the car wasn’t stolen and it was a mix up. But can you imagine how humiliating it was for my dad to get a call from the arresting officer telling him to come pick up his minor daughter because she had been arrested? Thank goodness my mom was out of town when this happened! I was ashamed and embarrassed when my Dad and brother-in-law came to get me. My dad didn’t yell, he didn’t get angry, I wasn’t put on punishment, he just made sure I was alright and we never talked about it again.

My Dad had every right to be mad at me. He had every right to rip me a new one for being in that type of situation because of the people I associated myself with. This never once made my dad throw it in my face or love me any less because I messed up. I’m sure Sadaam Husain’s mother loved him even though he is on the list of most evil people ever!

Shaking a little booty never killed anyone. Just saying. Being in the entertainment business, if you aren’t doing things to get you noticed, you will eventually fade away. I’m sure she is trying to develop a brand for herself. It’s tacky and tasteless, but it’s recognizable and leaves an impression. But marketing isn’t created for everyone, it’s for a target audience depending on demographics, age, culture, etc. she has to “sell” herself to a relatable audience that will be profitable for her. Maybe that’s what’s she is doing and that is why Billy Ray doesn’t have much to say about the situation. Who knows but him. But, I’m sure it is still breaking his achy breaky heart.

It is a parent’s responsibility to show unconditional love to their child regardless of what their actions are. I’m sure Miley was raised better than to turn her booty up as she does, but at this point she is an adult. Her dad can give her advice, but he can’t send her to her room and take her cell phone away because she misbehaved. He has as much control over her as any other parent does over a full functioning, independent adult. I feel like Billy Ray is in a situation where he can’t win. If he publically scolded her and joined in with the crowd making Miley a laughing stock he would be ridiculed and called a bad father. I’m sure he is very concerned for his daughter and is extremely hurt by this entire situation. There is no need for people to kick him while he’s already down. A good parent would look back on the life they have provided for their child and look where they went wrong in raising them. But, Miley is her own person and has to make her own mistakes. But if you ask me, it’s something in the water that they give the girls on the Disney Channel. Has anyone else noticed that after a girl ends her career with Disney they go crazy!? Maybe it’s them finding their identity, coming into their own, or they don’t want to be associated with the “girl next door” image they portrayed on TV. Whatever it is, it needs to stop.

All he can do and should do is love his daughter, and be there for her when she needs him. She I’m sure will come out of this phase at some point, I hope. But even if she doesn’t, she’ll always be Billy Ray’s little girl and nobody can change that by how ever repulsive their remarks are. Lay off Billy Ray people. He didn’t create this monster. People apparently are getting bored with the entertainment and the industry has to kick it up a notch to keep people interested. Blame society that constantly needs a new bright sparkly thingy in front of them to keep them engaged and entertained!

Monday, September 23, 2013

Don't forget


I had the fortunate pleasure of speaking a sermonette at the CNW Jurisdictional Holy Convocation this year. This is the message I brought, with a change at the end of my personal testimony. It's long but I suggest reading! :)


Don’t Forget

We live in a world that tends to forget things. Some of you in this room right now might not even remember what you had for lunch today. So, to help cope with the forgetfulness, we have things day planners, cell phone reminders, email reminders and calendars to help us stay on schedule. There are many reasons that we forget, some might even be health related like Alzheimer’s disease, Dementia, Amnesia or Thyroid problems just to name a few. But apparently these memory problems didn’t just start in present day, the problem has been affecting people for awhile.

Luke 17:11-19-New King James Version (NKJV)
11 Now it happened as He went to Jerusalem that He passed through the midst of Samaria and Galilee. 12 Then as He entered a certain village, there met Him ten men who were lepers, who stood afar off. 13 And they lifted up their voices and said, “Jesus, Master, have mercy on us!”
It looks like these lepers had heard about Jesus, and remembered of His healing power.
14 So when He saw them, He said to them, “Go, show yourselves to the priests.” And so it was that as they went, they were cleansed.
15 And one of them, when he saw that he was healed, returned, and with a loud voice glorified God, 16 and fell down on his face at His feet, giving Him thanks. And he was a Samaritan.
17 So Jesus answered and said, “Were there not ten cleansed? But where are the nine? 18 Were there not any found who returned to give glory to God except this foreigner?” 19 And He said to him, “Arise, go your way. Your faith has made you well.”

See, when we read and think about the story of the lepers, we tend to say how ungrateful they were, and how could they act like that? But I would like to propose the idea that maybe they just forgot! And I must say it’s probably understandable. Just think about it if you were in their shoes: you’ve been sick for so long, you have to yell out “unclean” when you come into town, can’t be around people you love and care about, and you can’t come up in the world because all your friends are sick just like you. Have you seen a person with leprosy? Gross!!! I’m sure they were so excited when they were healed they went banqueting and seeing all of their family and friends they forgot about who it was who healed them. They forgot about saying “thank you”. Only one of them didn’t forget. See, we do this also. So when we talk about the lepers, we might as well be talking about ourselves. We forget too. We forget the Psalms 121:1-2

Psalm 121:1-2 -New King James Version (NKJV)
121 I will lift up my eyes to the hills—
From whence comes my help?
2 My help comes from the LORD,
Who made heaven and earth.

We have too many things nowadays that are accessible to us that we forget where all of our help comes from!
Let’s look at why we forget today:
• When we have a problem we talk to Dr. Phil
• Searching for something? We turn to Google
• When we’re sick we go to the Dr.
• In times of trouble we call on our friends instead of calling on God!

We forget God is our healer, our helper, we forget God is our provider, our way maker, our protector and so much more.

We act like the Israelites who were so blessed; God stayed with them but they forgot about Him, and constantly were complaining, serving idols and disobeying, as if God had done nothing.
Even when we say “thank God” or “thank you Jesus” we forget about the POWER in those names. We forget Acts 4:12 (The Holy Spirit speaking through Peter)

Acts 4:12- New King James Version (NKJV)
12 Nor is there salvation in any other, for there is no other name under heaven given among men by which we must be saved.”
Jesus’ name is the only name by which you can be saved! We should say “thank you Jesus” with power, authority, and total sincerity!

We’ll say “oh thank God I missed that traffic…” instead we should be thanking God that we weren’t the accident that caused the traffic. We forget that it could have been us, like we’re exempt from tragedy. Remember it is by the grace of God we are protected.

Remember when Jesus was on the cross with the two criminals, one on each side and the SMART one said

Luke 23:42-43-New King James Version (NKJV)
42 … “Lord, remember me when You come into Your kingdom.”
43 And Jesus said to him, “Assuredly, I say to you, today you will be with Me in Paradise.”

Now if we call ourselves Christians, that means we ought to be Christ like. So, if we are being like Christ, and He didn’t forget about us, why do we forget about Him and the power he has?

A few months ago, I found myself having to go to the doctor. But it wasn’t because I was feeling sick, it was because I was feeling so good and I knew something had to be wrong. I was missing my regular monthly cycle. I knew I wasn’t possibly pregnant, so I decided to go to the doctor and see what was going on. When I was checking in, the young lady asked me did I want to do my annual physical because if I did it’s free, and making the whole visit completely free. As I’ve said in previous blogs I love free things, so of course I said yes!!

When I went in the appointment the doctor was asking me different questions about my family health history. Something I said prompted her to have me take a blood test for a few specific possible conditions.

I was in no rush to get the blood test done, but I went a few days after my appointment on a Saturday morning. The results came in on Sunday, and shortly after I receive an urgent email message from my doctor telling me I have an extremely underactive Thyroid and I need to start taking a medicine for it immediately. She was rushing a prescription over and I needed to get it today. I saw the results for my Thyroid Stimulating Hormone. It was 305.15. The regular range is about .10-5.5. I had over 55 TIMES the high/normal level in my body. To feel so great, I could have went into a condition called Myxedema Coma, or I could have died from having such a high level of TSH in my body.

The Thyroid Stimulating Hormone does exactly what the name says. It’s a hormone that sends a signal to the Thyroid to tell it to do its job. Obviously, the Thyroid was a sleep because that was a bunch of signals to send! The doctor told me that when the condition gets so bad things happen, like a lack of a monthly cycle.

I started taking the medication, but I was not sure how I felt about it. I went back 6 weeks later to take another blood test, assuming my levels would be down to probably 100, the results said that my TSH level was .77!! Thank God! And then, 4 weeks after that down to .16!! It was amazing. My Endocrinologist confirmed that I have a condition called Hoshimoto’s Disease. He claims that I will most likely be on medication for the rest of my life, and that also my Thyroid will eventually stop working. Now, this is what the doctor said, but I’m trusting on what God says! Man’s extremity is God’s opportunity!
See I didn’t forget about God watching over the Israelites, nor did I forget about how he protected Daniel and raised Lazarus from the dead. I surely did not forget about Jesus healing the ten lepers. All

I can say is watch God work a miracle in me!
God didn’t forget about us and hasn’t forgotten about you, and you don’t forget either!

Thursday, September 19, 2013

I ain't scared of no spida!

My little sister is highly allergic to Spiders. If she’s bitten, her eyes swell up.

I used to be afraid of Spiders. I vividly recall my 7th birthday. My birthday is close to Halloween, so it was always a Halloween themed party and we would go Downtown (Menlo Park) to go trick-or-treating at the stores. My parents didn’t let us do the regular type of trick or treating so we looked forward to my birthday. We trick-or-treated, ate Chinese food, played in the backyard and had an amazing time. At the end of the party, we were sitting in the living room waiting for everyone’s rides to arrive. I was dozing off a bit, but I swear I looked down and there was a daddy long legs that was sitting on my leg!! No joke, it was larger than my adult hand. I started screaming bloody murder and jumped up. No one could find the spider and everyone told me I imagined it, but I know it was real.

My little sister, Breona, is 12 and a half years younger than me. When she was young we discovered that she was highly allergic to Spider bites. I used to feel so bad for her when she was bitten, she looked so miserable! When I became an older older sister (I say this because I have a brother that is 5 and a half years younger than me) I couldn’t be afraid of things anymore, specifically Spiders.

I decided I could no longer live in fear. There is too much at stake to be afraid. If I still lived in fear of killing spiders, it could have really hurt Breona. It would probably be the one time I refused to kill the spider that she would be bitten and her throat closed up! It’s extreme, but when deciding whether or not to live in fear this could truly be the cost.

People are often very complacent; being comfortable with not moving forward. The main reason why they choose not to pursue their dreams is because they are scared of not achieving them. But think about what is at stake: living a life of unfulfillment that will likely turn into bitterness and a bunch of “what ifs”. The last thing I would want to do is live a life and at the end of it think about all of the missed opportunities because I was too afraid to take a chance. News flash: life is extremely scary!! It’s hard, confusing, and it can be terrifying at times. We don’t always know what the results of our actions will be, but that’s no excuse to sit on the sidelines, wishing you had the courage to get in the game.

I encourage everyone out there to take reasonable risks that will improve your life (that doesn’t involve possibly going to jail lol). Who knows what you can achieve if you just give what you are so afraid of a try. Maybe it’s singing, or trying out for a sports team, or asking a person out. You could be depriving yourself from the most amazing life you could possibly have.

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

You cheap (grand) mutha...

The entire staff at my job received an email yesterday about a new BJ’s opening up in San Jose. They wanted some select individuals to come and be “guinea pigs” for some new items that will be on their menu. And to add icing on the cake, the meal will be complimentary. That’s right, FREE!! Of course, seeing the words my immediate response was “I am interested”! Go ahead and sign me up!! Is this me being cheap? And are people born with a predisposition to be cheap?

I will never forget when I was about 7 years old, and my grandmother used to babysit me and my 2 siblings La Pria and Justin (Breona wasn’t born yet) after school. There was this amazing taco stand next to my grandmother’s apartment building that had these awesome burritos. I thought they were so yummy and I thought they were made with mayonnaise. Later I found out it was sour cream and I also started hating mayonnaise, but that’s another story. I called my grandmother before she came over and asked her to bring me a burrito. I remember her exact words “Okay—I’ll get it, but you gonna give me my $3 when I get there!” Unfortunately to say, I thought nothing of it and had her $3 ready and waiting for her because she had always been stingy.

My grandmother was not raised to be so tight with money. Her mother, my great-grandmother, was one of the most caring and giving people I have ever known in my life. She was the Black Christian Mother Theresa almost. And with my grandmother as my own mother’s mom, my mother did not take on any of those characteristics from my grandmother. My mom is very similar to my great-grandmother. Both are very loving, caring, and would give you the shoes off their feet. My mom often says “if I have a dime, you have a dime”. And she is not just like that with her kids and family, she loves everyone and would give her last to anyone. I’m glad that I have similar qualities when it comes to giving.

I am definitely not cheap, but I do love something that is free and I do love a bargain. I am definitely the type of person that wants more bang for their buck and will be first in line for the Macy’s one day sale! But obviously I have good reason. I work at a non-profit so I don’t make oodles and oodles of money, but I do love looking nice. But helping the local community is a sacrifice worth taking when it comes to where I work. I don’t find reason to buy expensive bags and excessive diamonds but that’s just me. Maybe if I had the money to trick I would (lol). But wanting something nice at a cheaper price is perfectly fine in my opinion. I don’t want to go into excessive debt at a young age trying to floss. I do nice things for myself (probably more than I should) in moderation and nothing is wrong with that.

So, being stingy and cheap isn’t a genetic trait or a learned quality. It’s something people develop on their own. Some people just have a love for money and a love only for themself. And for that there will be a price to pay. No one wants to have a cheap friend, and no one wants to be in a relationship with a cheapskate! I have seen the show “Extreme Cheapskate” and obviously by the title it is in extreme cases, but the things they do are truly ridiculous. Going to the creek to get water instead of using faucet, eating road kill, peeing in jars to keep water bill down, finding herbs in the local park, using old cloth pieces as toilet paper, searching through trash cans for food and plenty of disgusting other things. One young lady that was on the show even made a meal from dumpster diving and invited friends over!!

Being cheap is unattractive and not a positive quality. Being sensible is acceptable and will help with your future. Nothing is wrong with saving for a rainy day; in fact I highly recommend it. But just make sure to splurge a little from time to time. And also make sure to do nice things for your friends and family so they feel loved and appreciated as well. Don’t feel obligated to keep up with the Joneses, and don’t be so tight your hands are sore. Moderation in spending is the new black!

Monday, September 16, 2013

Temp. Workers in Ministry

Are you operating in a ministry you were called to, or was it just because you were available?

Last week I was in a meeting regarding an upcoming youth summit we are planning for the city of East Palo Alto. I’ve worked on the planning committee before and I must say it was rough. The simplest way to put it is there were way too many hands stirring the pot. And might I add some weren’t chefs. We had quite a few people from different non-profit organizations and faith based organizations that were participating in putting the event together. But, because we invited people that basically could just attend the meetings, we didn’t form a solid committee with people having attributes to build the event to its full potential. Instead we had people that were just “available” to help. Not really having the experience or passion to contribute to this event. So it makes me think, are we really passionate about the things we do, or is it just because we have the available time to do it?

I work for a local food bank. When I started here I let it be known clearly this is a social issue I am an advocate for and something I care about deeply. At my job we have a number of volunteers who help out sorting food or working administratively. I really do appreciate the work the volunteers do and the passion they do it with. Giving your time freely to a cause is a major reflection on a person's character (in a definite positive way). We totally would not be able to do what we do in the community without our cherished volunteers. Especially the ones who work in the office with me! But with some of them I wonder if they really care about the people they're helping? I even question that of some of my coworkers, but I won’t go into too much depth about my coworkers. And it’s easy to see if a person has passion, it shows in the quality of their work and the attitude they do it in. But quite a few of the volunteers are retired and just want something to do during their free time, but once their shift is up, they don’t give the 10% of hungry people between San Mateo and Santa Clara Counties a second thought.

Too many people are doing this in ministry as well. Recently my church has been going over a book called “Discovering your Spiritual Gifts” by Peter Wagner. The purpose of the book is made clear by the title. My pastor wanted to go into detail about the different spiritual gifts in the bible and gave tips of finding out what each of our spiritual gifts are so that we can nurture and develop them to help the church. But reading the book and doing the exercises just made me think about the people that are currently “fillers”. They are filling in positions at the church and community because they are available but it isn’t really their calling. Whether it be the person isn’t operating or accepting that gift or the person isn’t given the opportunity to exercise that gift, it’s causing others to have to fill in and step up to the plate when it’s not their own calling. That makes everyone in the body of the church suffer. The person filling in is neglecting their own spiritual gift or gifts and it’s hurting the people they are suppose to be ministering to. People are given Spiritual Gifts to build the church, to edify the body of Christ and every believer has at least one. Just think if each member operated in THEIR OWN spiritual gift. Think about the difference it would make for the body. It would be a much more effective ministry over all.

Technology: good or bad?

I went into our back office at work where one of our volunteers was. I saw him in the corner holding something up; it looked like he was texting. Mind you, he is well into his 80’s so I was completely shocked but as I walked closer I noticed that he was reading a book, and I think that surprised me even more!! Most people, regardless of age, are so deep into technology if there isn’t an app to dig them out, they’re stuck! I remember posting a picture on Facebook a few years ago of my nephew Joshua. He was two at the time, barely potty trained, but he was using an iPad!! Better than I know how to use one I might add. So not only are adults totally absorbed for gizmos and gadgets, we’re teaching our kids to use them and depend on them, and we’re teaching them young! Interpersonal communication has gone out the window, obviously because you are READING this and I’m not talking to you specifically. This is why so many people lack proper etiquette and manners because we don’t really have to use them anymore! So we can’t even blame a person because they talk like it’s a twitter post saying things like “hashtag” or “@mandarinsilk so I know it’s real” in a regular face to face conversation because they rarely have that (mandarin silk is the name of a tea that is sitting on my desk so don’t go looking for it on Twitter). We don’t even argue in person anymore, everything is viral and twitter wars. I bet if the people “beefing” were face to face, they’d still pull out their iPhone or Android and have to text the person to tell them off. I must say I’m even a part of this diabolical plot to kill the English language and destroy in person relationships. Shocking, I know. I love to text instead of talking on the phone. But it’s convenient and quick especially when I’m in the middle of something but need to ask a quick question or vice versa. I don’t always have the time of day to talk on the phone, and if you just have to say something it’s much easier to just text it then having to start a phone conversation, but it’s not like I never talk on the phone. This is the same with Facebook, it definitely is beneficial for staying in contact with a lot of people all at once that you don’t see often or live in other areas of the world. I actually have virtually met relatives because of Facebook. But I have to draw the line for my technological attachments. I do not have an iPad, or Kindle, or any other Tablet. I have a smart phone, but not an iPhone or anything ridiculous. And—I still read actual paper books!! I don’t want to be so disconnected from mankind. Don’t get me wrong there are numerous benefits from technology but I like having intimate, interpersonal relationships with people where we look each other in the eye and talk, not an avatar on a social website. Because of these changes in the last 30 years, it’s hard to be in a position to be a writer for anything meaningful that isn’t gossip news or about irrelevant social issues. Like Lamar Odom getting a DUI, or Nicole Kidman falling at the Calvin Klein runway show. Who really cares?? Apparently a lot of people do, because these are things that I’ve heard in conversation lately. It’s a difficult position to be in to be passionate about a dying industry, print writing. I encourage everyone to be progressive and be a part of the technological movement, especially since I live in the Silicon Valley, but know your limits. Going to a virtual park does not satisfy your body the same way being in the actual outdoors and wind blowing across your face. Sun light is good for you, and so is reading. It stimulates your brain, and can help prevent things like Dementia and Alzheimer’s. I think the best think Kindle did was setting the time limits for children regulated by parents to limit their time using technology and making the child focus on being a kid and going out and playing! I am looking forward to the unpromised day where we don’t depend completely on technology. We are so isolated now from others face to face interaction and this is not healthy. This world will soon be full of people who can’t express their feelings without emoticons and will have no verbal communication skills. It’s a scary thought to think about where we are heading technology wise. It’s not going to be pretty.

Saturday, September 14, 2013

Get a prenup!

Right now I’m watching TV, and my favorite girl flashes on the screen with a preview commercial of her new show… that’s right ladies and gents, the one and only Ms. NeNe Leakes! I must say that I am a huge fan of her. Her style, her attitude, her passion. She is just amazing! So-- on the commercial she’s talking to her soon-to-be-again hubby Greg telling him that he needs to sign this prenup!

Hold up hold up!! What?!?!?!?! I said to myself I need to see this episode! But that evoked a response from me and made me ask the question “do people in love really think about getting a prenup?”

My answer is yes. But let me rewind a little bit so I can support this statement.

When I was 19, I thought I had met the love of my life. He proposed, and I said yes. I’m a Christian, and my denomination is Penecostal. In my religious culture it is relatively normal for us to get married young. But it seemed a month after we got engaged he became a person that I did not like. At all. It became the absolute worst relationship in my life. Eventually I got smart and kicked him to the curb! Go Whitney! Lol. I’m very glad that I wanted a long engagement (about a year and 2 months), and we didn’t even last that whole duration of our planned engagement period. If I we actually got married, I would probably be paying spousal support, or he’d have half my TV and shoe collection right now.

Being in love doesn’t mean being in stupid. As a woman it is very important to have some independence and nothing is wrong with protecting what you have. When you are married you are to share your life with that person, but when you are divorced, you are no longer responsible (or shouldn’t be) for the other person.

With the divorce rate being so high, it’s a smart decision for both parties involved to cover their nut. I hate that saying, but it’s appropriate in this case! Maybe people need to start trying in their marriage instead, and the prenup that is signed will never be an issue. People take the easy way out too many times without trying. Instead of investing in money, invest in your relationship.

In NeNe’s case, Greg has already acted a foo and did her so wrong publicly. There is probably nothing I hate more than when a person tries to humiliate the person they “love” publicly. And since he did that once before, NeNe is a GENIUS to get him to sign a prenup. I haven’t seen the episode yet, so I’m unsure of the outcome. But knowing NeNe, she got that behind in check and he signed his John Hancock on the dotted line. And he should have no problem doing that either. When you love someone and you make the decision to marry them, you should do whatever is necessary to make them feel comfortable. Especially if there is a shaky past. I would be worried if someone argued a prenup saying they DON’T want one, especially if you are “very rich” like NeNe Leakes. Definitely a red flag!

Some people out there are only looking for someone to marry so they can get that skrilla (money for those that aren’t hip lol) in a divorce settlement. You never know a person’s intentions. Just because they claim to be in love with you, doesn’t mean its a LIE or that things will change in the future. Always look out for yourself and protect yourself regardless of who it is. Prenups are a good thing because divorce can be an ugly agonizing battle, and at least (God forbid) it happens, you will have little to worry about.

Friday, September 13, 2013

I'm a Bugaboo!

Who remembers the group Destiny’s Child? Everyone does. Earlier in their career, when they original 4 member were still all friends they had a song called “Bugaboo”. It wasn’t a very big success as far as chart ratings, but it was and is a very memorable song. The song is about a boyfriend that is completely obsessed with his girlfriend and never gives her the space to breathe or have any time away from him. Whether it be time in person with him, or talking on the phone he constantly needs to be in contact with her. This song was my jam back in the day! But this song now takes on a completely new meaning to me! I am totally a self proclaimed bugaboo. And the worst part is I am not only a “bugaboo” to my honey, I will bugaboo anyone with no hesitation. I looked at my phone today and realized I had sent 6, yes 6, text messages to my friend Tameeka without her even responding to any of them. Last night I called my sister, she didn’t answer and I called her right back. The second time she answered, but if she hadn’t I would have just popped up at her house. And for the man in my life, I have no issues calling him 10 times back to back. He is a Systems Administrator and is very busy during his work day. He always tells me “Whitney you don’t have to keep calling if I don’t answer; I promise you I’m going to call you back when I’m able to!” He knows better than to call me a bugaboo, but I know he thinks it, and I’m sure he thinks I’m borderline crazy too… lol… I’m not positive why I do this, but I think I have somewhat of an idea… When I was 19 I developed anxiety problems because of my job. I ended up quitting the job very soon after, but there is still residue I guess from it. There is one other reason I think can explain why I do it... because I’m totally important and what I have to say is equally important as well if I have to say something to someone they need to hear it when I need them to. I’ve been relatively spoiled for my whole life, so I expect for everyone around me to feel the same way and always answer my beckoning call!! Okay—maybe that’s a little extreme, but there is some truth to it. I’m also very bossy as I’ve been told several times before, so I’m sure that contributes to my bugabooness. Sometimes you just have to be heard, and what you have to say is important for whatever reason. And This is something I do not plan on changing anytime soon. Maybe it has to do with the fact I live alone, so I’m just bored sometimes! All I know if I have to call, call your mama looking for you, text, email, Facebook, look for you at Starbucks (Dad!) and show up to your job to get a hold of you, I will! Trust me though, I bugaboo all out of love!!!

Thursday, September 12, 2013

My love triangle... wait, pentagon!

Have you ever been in love with two at the same time? I know I have. And I never have been able to choose just one. Both add so much benefit to my life!! But I must admit, at one point I totally hated one and loved the other. One offered such support and made me feel fabulous. The other made me feel so comfortable and I could be myself with them. I knew I couldn’t continue this love triangle, but at some point I gave up on the one who supported me. One day I woke up and realized I just wanted to be free. I started to hate the one that supported me and I wanted to forget all about my previous love and start fresh. My affair started with my new love. I wore out my new love until I had a hole in them. Oh yeah—by the way, I’m talking about clothes! :) Jeans totally made me feel fabulous, and leggings made me comfortable. There is just something so amazing about an amazing pair of leggings that makes me not want to ever take them off!! My favorite pair is probably going to fall apart if I wear them one more time. Once I realized how amazing it is to wear leggings every single day, I began to loath jeans for some strange reason, like they had done me so wrong like cheated on me or killed my dog or something! Every time a person even talked about jeans I was obligated to say the statement “I hate jeans!” It was rather strange how much I detested jeans. But something changed. One day, I had purchased two pairs of colored denim pants from Forever 21. These pants felt amazing!! These pants were actually called jeggings. The jegging: the jean legging. This creation changed my life. It was the perfect marriage of my two loves! This began my reformation and reconciliation back to jeans. Is it strange to have such deep thoughts and opinions about clothing? Do most people just wake up and put on whatever is clean in their closet? Is this normal to have such attachments to inanimate items? I don’t know, but all I know is I’m glad to end my beef with jeans. I loves me some clothes, and if loving them is wrong, I don’t want to be right! But my first two true loves will never be able to be replaced… dresses and shoes! To discuss that I will hold off on for a later date!

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Zimmerman has a gun, again!

Zimmerman at it again??? Is it because of his history with the shooting of Trayvon Martim that all incidents with George Zimmerman are put under a microscope and amplified to unjustly portray him rapscallion, or is it that he is a true criminal that will never learn to do right? Is he really a villian or a victim of misunderstanding?

Yesterday, Zimmerman once again was questioned on allegations of a domestic dispute with his estranged wife that-- wait for it-- INVOLVED A GUN... AGAIN!! Initial reports said there was a gun involved where Zimmerman was holding his wife and her father at gunpoint, but later the estranged wife changed her story.I think she changed her story because of fear. And I believe the first reported story.

This is why there needs to be some type of repercussion for him killing Trayvon. With no backlash for the incident, his anger problems will continue to escalate. If nothing else, he needs to go to counseling, or have an evaluation of his mental stability. If you get away with it once, why not try it again, right??

I am a strong believer of second chances-- but this is an exception to my rule. A man who can persue a child and murder him in cold blood and have no emotional reaction to it obviously is a questionable and unstable person. I watch quite a bit of Law and Order:SVU, and I have took a few Psychology courses in college and what I've learned is that George Zimmerman is a Sociopath.

Dictionary.com definition of sociopath:

so·ci·o·path/ˈsoʊsiəˌpæθ, ˈsoʊʃi-/ Show Spelled [soh-see-uh-path, soh-shee-] Show IPA noun Psychiatry. a person with a psychopathic personality whose behavior is antisocial, often criminal, and who lacks a sense of moral responsibility or social conscience.

He has absolutely no concern for others or limits for his actions. There is no guard or filter that causes him to restrain himself when he is angry. He has no remorse for his actions. If he continues to get away with murder (literally), who knows what he will do next! If the incident yesterday has gone any further who knows what the outcome would be. I hope the jury who gave the verdict of not guilty today are having complete second thoughts and feelings of guilt letting an obvious criminal an opportunity to go back onto the streets and wreak havoc on other innocent people! Let's just say(because he seems to have problems with women and black people!) my female half-Black behind will not be visiting Florida anytime soon.

Monday, September 9, 2013

Beating kids on video???

The world is ever changing, and methods of discipline are not exempt from recent social movements. There is a current trend arising of “viral discipline” that has taken the internet by storm. Parents, guardians, aunts and uncles who have caught their children indulging in web-related sins are now creating videos that are to call their kids on the carpet for the embarrassing acts they have committed.

The first video I ever saw using this method was an uncle who had caught his nephew using profane language on a social media website, claiming he was in a gang, being disrespectful and basically a bunch of inappropriate stuff. All the things he was saying was a “front”, not really reflecting him as a person, his morals, and his upbringing.

In an act of correction and discipline, the uncle videotaped his nephew, making him confess that all he was saying online were lies, then hitting him with a belt repeatedly as a “rod of correction”. That was probably a year ago I saw the video. Recently, the boy was killed—shot in front of his own home. Allegedly the boy was teased and ridiculed by what his uncle had done. What he was doing though was living a life of lies, wanting to be a “gangsta” and (I'm assuming) wanted respect.

Is what the uncle did the reason why this boy is dead today? No. What the uncle did was try to get his nephew on the right track. Did he do it in an appropriate way? This is where the argument starts for me.

Growing up, my parents had rules and taught me right from wrong. When I would mess up, or do something to someone, my mom would make me go and apologize to that person and let them know I know better than to misbehave. Luckily, this was something I really only had to do with my siblings because I was raised right and I didn't act out with others or in front of others. But in this instance, if I were to offend my viral audience, then yes, it is appropriate for the child to go and apologize to the people they offended with their comments and actions. But—my parents would never FORCE me to make a video and try to humiliate me.

Discipline should be done in private, not publically so everyone can mock and laugh at your child! I would never put my child in a position to hurt their ego or self-esteem. Two wrongs definitely don’t make a right in this situation. I have seen videos of young girls crying on camera while someone is coaching them on what to say in their apology video. Will that really change a child, or just make them more resentful and rebel even more??
It probably won’t change them. Kids act out usually because of something else that’s going on, and when they can’t talk about it or don’t feel comfortable it comes out in other things they do.

I’m not saying to never discipline a child, but when their actions are completely out of character, sitting down and talking might make a world of difference. If a parent’s first reaction is always to leap down their child’s throat, nothing will ever get resolved. My mother was the disciplinarian out of my two parents, and I must say she 99% of the time gave us a chance to come clean and express ourselves before anything else. Parents also can’t get mad about something they have never taught their child. If you never told your child lying is bad, you can’t get mad when they lie. Parents can’t rely on kids to just know better or thinking their school will teach them about life lessons.

I’m not saying that all kids are just acting out, some kids are just bad. But I’m a Christian and a strong believer that if you “train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it”(Proverbs 22:6 NKJV). Because my mother made sure to keep me in church, both my parents taught me right from wrong, invested in me, even put me in counseling when I had life issues, they don’t have to worry about me acting out now that I am almost 26.

One thing my mom faithfully told me is “don’t go out there embarrassing me”. It seems like a very self-centered statement, but it is accurate. When you see a teenager or child acting out in public or on social media the first thing you think is “why does her parent let her act like that? She acts like she ain’t got no good sense!!” I know that was a very country statement, but bare with me my family is from the South! The way a child acts is a reflection of how they have been raised and what the parent and parenting style is like. If a 7 year old is cussing and fighting, trust and believe this is either something the parent is doing, or something the parent is allowing the child to be exposed to. At that age, you really only know what you have been shown.

Again, my opinion is only my view point and it doesn’t apply to every situation. Children spend the majority of their day at school and with friend’s influences and TV when they are home it’s impossible to shield them from all the negative things that are being fed to them. But if you have done what is appropriate as a parent, you will never have to make a viral video of your children making a public apology because you would have already done everything to prevent it from ever happening.

Friday, September 6, 2013

I've never been hungry

I’ve never been hungry. I mean, I’ve been hungry, but I’ve never be in a position that I am not able to satisfy my hunger with a nourishing meal. To say the least, I have been financially secure my entire life. Living in the Silicon Valley, many of us are unaware of the reality that is in plain view. The worst part is, there are many more that are starving and living below poverty levels than we think. In some cases, it’s our own neighbor. 

 Living expenses are higher in the Silicon Valley than the majority of the nation, even more than New York City. It is so difficult for many people to be able to make enough to cover rent and utilities that often food expenses are neglected, and many families are going hungry. In the San Mateo and Santa Clara counties alone, more than ten percent are on the receiving end of assistance from the local food bank. What is even more unfortunate is that the majority of the people served are either children or elderly. One out of every five children do not have food to eat for dinner over the weekend because they only eat at home where they receive free lunches. 

 When we think of poverty and hunger, we picture a child in a third world country covered in flies and showing the signs of malnutrition. But hunger cannot always be seen, and is a lot closer than we would expect, and the needs are becoming greater. People in our own neighborhood are going to sleep starving while we are splurging on fancy dinners and throwing away left overs. So if you’re thinking “I want to do something, but there’s nothing I can possibly do” then you are wrong. There are many ways you can help: 

 Volunteer—give your time to your local food bank assisting with food distributions and warehouse sorting. 

 Host a food drive— get your friends together and encourage others to give as well. Make it fun by turning it into a competition, remember the more to gather, the more people you will feed! 

 Donate—money can go a long way. Every dollar donated to Second Harvest Food Bank equals two meals!

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Why blog??

Why do people blog? What is the purpose?? Is there any reason for it. If you have to ask this question, then you obviously have no opinion and your life is probably really boring. No offense... I appreciate blogging, especially because print writing is a dying industry. We live in a world now where we depend on internet and technology. Everything has become viral. Dating, school, even doctor's appointments are all on the web now. The internet and blogging has opened up so many career opportunities for people and also given them an outlet to express what they are feeling. I blog because I have a voice, an opinion, and good advice that desperately needs to be heard (or technically read). I hope that not only one day will I entertain and positively influence people, but maybe even brighten a person's day by the thing that makes me happy. Writing.

Not Funny.

To what expense is a person willing to make a joke? Apparently, Sheryl Underwood is willing to desecrate all that is natural with black hair. On her TV show “The Talk”, a conversation was brought up about Heidi Klum and her keepsakes from her children. She said she keeps everything, even their hair which she referred to as an afro. Underwood’s response was (paraphrased) why would you keep nappy, beady, nasty afro hair? Wow. I am half Black and half Italian, but for arguments sake, I will be speaking from my Black side today-- shame on Sheryl for saying a comment like this. For centuries Black people have struggled because society has made them feel as worthless, inferior, and as if we were animals. We are finally back to a place in time where our differences are seen as beautiful. Natural hair is divine, and it’s unique. No other culture has hair like us besides maybe Afro Latinos. For her to publically make a comment like this shows her true character. Whether she was attempting to make a joke because she is a comedian (which I doubt) or if this is really how she feels, either way this is horrible for her image and branding. You want to turn a whole race against you and not support you Sheryl?? I am not a parent, but I am an aunty, so I will be speaking from this perspective. Children are innocent, and are looking for their identity at the age that Heidi’s sons are. For her to call THEIR hair nasty, is disgusting and I’m embarrassed for the ignorant and inconsiderate comment Sheryl made. This may cause Heidi’s children to have a permanent complex for a lifetime. Every child should feel like they are wonderful, and hurtful comments like this will make them feel inadequate, constantly seeking approval from people that don’t matter, and never satisfied with who they are. It seems like no big deal now, but when he starts perming his hair and bleaching his skin then we all will see the affects of this single comment. I haven’t been able to find any proof of Underwood having children. I’m assuming now that this is why she has not decided to have children of her own because obviously she would have a problem with who her own children were. Hair has always been a struggle for African Americans. Yes, Black people have nice hair, yes their hair can GROW, yes we do straighten it, but yes our natural curls are BEAUTIFUL. We can never beat the negative stigmas associated with African Americans because so many people are allowing the negativity to be glorified. A comment like this is also why I hate when people tell me I have beautiful hair and they want it. My hair is beautiful, but so is everyone else’s hair as well. It really makes me mad, but it also makes me sad to see a person doesn’t see the beauty inside themselves. If everyone could look past social standards of beauty and see the amazing creations God has created. People like Sheryl are the reason why so people are self loathers, hating themselves and the people in their own nationality or culture, and she probably is one her own self. I hate to see insecure people put their own insecurities on other people. She’s making it okay also for others to feel comfortable to ridicule Black people’s hair just because it’s different. If she wants to be funny, she should make jokes at her own expense, not Heidi for being a good mother and loving even every stand of hair on her children’s head or the children for having curly hair. Maybe Sheryl needs to learn to love her own self.