Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Man Strangles Girlfriend with Dreadlock

Recently I read an article of a crime that was committed earlier this year. A man apparently was arrested for strangling his girlfriend… with his dreadlocks!!!

I have heard of some pretty interesting items being used as a weapon, but this definitely takes the cake! MSN has an article of strange weapons including things such as Justin Bieber dolls, a dead dog, an alligator, peanut butter sandwich, but I feel a man had to be very desperate when he turns to his hair to assist him in his assault. What this says to me is that he wanted to make sure HE was the one to hurt her, not any other normal weapon. He wanted her total sum of her pain to only come from his hand (or any other part of his body that is attached to him). He had a personal problem with her and wanted to let her know every part of his body, even his hair, hated her and wanted to hurt her. My question is what made him so desperate to hurt his girlfriend?

Crazy stories like this make me reflect on guys I’ve dated or guys that have liked me. You really never have a full understanding of a person because you aren’t that person and you can’t see into their thoughts. He might be saying “I love you” and mean “I’m going to dig your eyeballs out with a spoon”. You just never know! It worries me that he tried to literally kill this woman whom he should have been loving and protective of her, but instead he became her worst nightmare. This guy was so desperate to hurt her he used anything to do it, I’m just glad it was his hair that he got to first and not a knife or a gun. Not only was he charged with strangulation, he was charged with kidnapping, assault, and menacing. I also wonder, were there any signs?

People get angry, I get it. We argue and fuss, but when a relationship gets abusive, physically, mentally, or verbally, it’s time to reevaluate your relationship. Love doesn’t hurt. “Love is patient, love is kind…it is not easily angered… Love does not delight in evil… It always protects” (1 Cor 13:4-8) The Bible says it best! No matter how angry I am, or how much I want to put my hands on a person, love will always keep me from acting on it (that is also because I am in my right mind!). When a person does not have control over their own actions and self, why does it seem they try to control someone else?

Recently on Facebook I read a poem someone posted that had been shared several times over. This poem was about a woman who was in an abusive relationship and kept making excuses for her boyfriend. He even assaulter her while she was pregnant. At the end of the poem the woman died at the hands of her abuser a.k.a. her lover. This poem was sad to say the least but what was really heartbreaking were the comments below the posting. There were soooo many women remarking with comments like “I’m lucky I got away” “I’m glad I got smart” “I consider myself one of the lucky ones” and many related comments divulging that these women too were victims of domestic violence from their significant others. It hurt me to my core how many women were making expressions of their horrible past. It made me wonder just how many women are there in the world who have gone through a similar experience and what in the world makes a man feel comfortable abusing a woman or anybody for that matter?

Unfortunately, domestic abuse is rarely reported. It is actually the most under reported crime there is so there are the statistics are not not accurately recorded.

Thank the good Lord above I have never been in a situation like this, but I am inclined to believe that there usually is some type of warning your significant other ain’t all right! When building a relationship and investing in each other, you begin to see tendencies, habits, reactions, and above all else your gut tells you when something isn’t okay. But the saying “love is blind” is completely correct, but love shouldn’t be deaf. I wish more people would listen to that voice inside of them, but instead too many people cover their ears and say “blah blah blah blah I’m not listening, I’m not listening!” when in fact they should be sensitive to those red flags. Now, I am not one to necessarily judge a book by it’s cover, but I must admit looking at the picture of the guy that was arrested, I could even tell something wasn’t right! We deny what we know is truth, and we create an imaginary world where those red flags actually turn into something positive. Like saying “my man loves me so much, he even follows me to work to make sure I get there safely.” No sugar, he’s stalking you because he doesn’t trust you and thinks you are either meeting up with another guy, or that you are fooling around with a co-worker. Accept the facts for what they are. Being in an abusive or controlling relationship is unhealthy for everyone involved, and it ends badly so so often.

Women have a responsibility for their own safety in these situations. If a woman survives a first attack, she needs to take a stance for herself and walk away. I believe that almost anything can be worked through in a relationship, but physical abuse is never acceptable and is a complete deal breaker. Making an excuse for a man’s actions does not make sense to anyone you try to convince. It’s never okay, no one with good sense will understand.

What also gets me is a person who won’t take sound advice from a friend. I don’t mean someone you barely know, but a friend that is genuine and knows you, loves you, wants everything good for you, who rides for you and has every good intention for you. If you can’t see the signs for yourself, they can. If you don’t warn your friend, you aren’t a good friend! I am so glad we live in a time of Google and background checks. Don’t be afraid of checking up on the person you’re dating. You have every right to know about a shady past or lack thereof. If they want to build a relationship on trust and if they have no bad intentions they will have nothing to hide. When he hits you (not literally hit lol) with the vague answers RED FLAG! Or the “why do you want to know”, that is a RED FLAG! Catch him in a lie, RED FLAG. If you have any questionable red flags with a person you are dating, let me know so we can figure this out!

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