Tuesday, December 31, 2013
Get some sleep!
How to get to sleep… Naturally!
If I were to survey 10,000 people in the U.S. and ask them what are some things they need more of, many of them (right after saying more money!) would say more sleep. And because over 40 million Americans suffer from different chronic sleep disorders ranging from sleep apnea to insomnia it is important for us all to find ways to sleep better. There are more efficient and useful ways to drift into Dreamland than just popping a sleeping pill or the ageless chore of boring yourself to sleep by counting sheep. It becomes a cycle of suppressants and caffeine to keep your body functioning. Not cool! There are much better ways to getting a good night’s rest. Here are some natural remedies to cure sleepless nights!
1. Stay active during the day. I know I am guilty of the afternoon nap and sluggish ways after a long days work (or day of shopping!). Studies have shown that people who exercise at least four times a week sleep better and have lower signs or depression. Exercising and staying active will not only have you feeling better physically, but emotionally and mentally as well. It will also take away the midday sleepiness that falls upon most of us around 2:30pm! If you have to nap, do not exceed 25 minutes. If you nap for too long your body naturally goes into other stages of sleep causing inertia (that uncomfortable groggy feeling) because you have been in a deep sleep and interrupted it. Insomnia can also be a result of depression so an active lifestyle is an overall health benefit!
2. Schedule your caffeine intake. If you want to stay up until 3am by all means drink that quad espresso with caramel drizzle in the late evening, but if not , don’t drink it too late. Caffeine can stay in your body for up to 14 hours so it is important to cut down on what you ingest by the early afternoon if you plan on going to bed at a decent time. Develop a schedule of when you can conveniently discontinue the use of caffeine during the day, especially if you have a caffeine dependency. If you stop drinking coffee or soda too early, you’ll get a withdrawal headache and that will also cause you to have a hard time getting to sleep. If you absolutely need caffeine, consume it up until 4-6 hours before you are planning on going to bed.
3. Only associate your bed with sleep. How many of us talk on the phone, watch a good movie, or even eat in bed? This is a major no-no! The bed is supposed to be for two things… the one I will say is sleep (I’m sure you can figure out the other one, wink wink!) When you do other activities in the bed other than what it is designated for, you are programming your mind and body to NOT shut down when you are in bed. You are making it more difficult for yourself to sleep when you do this. Instead, if you must be in your room for movie or snack time, get a cozy chair to lounge in and keep it in your room. But by all means, avoid doing anything else in your bed!
4. No pets in bed! I know we all love to cuddle with our furry creatures, but they might be why you are so restless at night. It is quite possible that you have some type of allergy to your pet-child and it is irritating you when you are unaware of it. Best thing is to get an allergy test to make sure. Also, their movement during the night also might be the trigger causing you to drift in and out of sleep causing a grumpy person in the morning. Get a pet bed to put close to your bed if they must be near you at night. It will take some adjusting to but you’ll be a much more pleasant person. You’re co-workers will thank you for it too!
5. Stop smoking and drinking. Smoking cigarettes is just a bad habit anyways and has no health benefit so you should probably not do it all together, but if you must smoke do it in moderation to sedate you. A large amount of nicotine acts like caffeine instead of relaxing you and will keep you alert. Also when you have a nicotine dependency, you will probably have withdrawals during the night causing you to get up and take a few unnecessary, but necessary, puffs to satisfy your craving. Drinking large amounts of alcohol can cause arousal during the night, not to mention frequent urination. No, not just that type of arousal! It just keeps you up as in awake and alert mentally! It will act as a sedative at first but then it becomes the “Up All Night Show”. Again drink in moderation if you want to be able to function the next day.
Getting to sleep shouldn’t be that difficult, but I can attest to the fact that some days it is easier to find Waldo than find a way to sleep comfortably. A good night’s sleep is possible, but you might just have to work a little harder at it!
Monday, December 23, 2013
Apparently, I'm a Chronophiliac
As far back as I can remember, I have been interested in older men. Let me say this: I don’t have daddy issues, this is my preference. I don’t mean men 30 years older than me, but about 8, 10, 12, up to even 15 years older than me. It’s always been something about them that I just love!
It all started when I was just a little girl…
I was probably about 6 or 7 when it started… There was a guy who attended my church and I was totally and completely in love with this man. His name was Bro. Ralph. I remember in testimony service, I would say “Please pray for me, my family and everyone else I know, and Bro. Ralph.” Everyone thought it was so adorable, but I from the bottom of my heart meant it every single time I said it. Mind you, this man had kids older than me and of course at 6 or 7 I had no business being in love with anyone, but you get the picture. Older men have always been appealing to me.
Now obviously, nothing is ever 100%, so what I am about to talk about doesn't apply to ALL guys slightly older but for the sake of the blog, it is for all of the older men I would like to refer to. I asked a few women who also are interested in older men and the consensus is consistent. There are a few major reasons why we love older men.
Maturity. Everyone knows that women mature at a (much) faster rate than men. When I date an older man I feel that our maturity level is more comparable than a guy that is my age. I have always related better with people older than myself. I consider myself to be very mature :)
Stability. I am not looking for a sugar daddy in the least bit, but I definitely don’t want to be in a position where I am forced to take care of a man. I think it is reasonable of me to expect to have a man that is able to take care of me even though I don’t need him to. I am drawn to a man who has his stuff together to say the least. I don’t have the time to wait for a man to catch up to where I am talking about what they’re thinking about doing with their future.
Focus and goal oriented. An older guy is already reaching those goals he set for himself when he was in his early 20’s and his perspective is different because of his life experience. Something about this is so attractive to me!! A man with a plan is gets no better! Well it does get better, but you get the point! I think the most fetching thing I have ever heard is a guy I was dating was on a conference call. When he was talking business I literally started to picture our future lol!
Consistency and consideration. The games are over at this point for a man a few years older. He doesn’t have to do the “wait three days” rule or any other foolery that guys in their 20’s think is okay to do. If he says he’s going to do something, he’s going to do it. If he can’t do it, he will be straight forward with you. He will be considerate of your feelings and think a little more before he says or does anything because he has be through it enough to know how a woman will react. He cares about how something will affect you, and he will want your best interest to be at the forefront of his mind. Young guys don’t think about the outcome and say or do whatever they feel not thinking about what the result will be, and then think that an “I’m sorry” will fix it. At least with an older guy, gifts or a fancy dinner comes with the apology! You can cry infront of them, and instead of thinking you're a basketcase they'll be the shoulder you need to cry on and understand whatever emotion you are feeling. Their automatic response won't be "are you on your period or something?" And even if it is the reason, an older guy will know to shower you with chocolates and heating pads! He has a bit more sense...
More practical. I can’t stand someone who is cheap, but I do appreciate how an older guy plans for the future and buys what is affordable, not just because it’s popular. I think being practical and splurging everyone in awhile is the best way to go. Younger guys don’t really care about the rainy day and are enjoying the financially sunny days. I want someone who is better prepared with a few umbrellas when the storm comes.
And lastly…
More handsome! I don’t know why but the older men get the better looking they get! I think that Morris Chestnut is a perfect example. I saw an episode of the Cosby Show with him in it… he looked awful! Oh but time has brought about a change in his life! I jokingly say that there is one thing I hate about Black men, and it’s that they get better with age! I’m 26 and I have my wrinkle creams and under eye creams trying to keep it together and these men are looking flawless! And this is men of any race. For the majority, their skin does not crack, or if it does its still hot!
I have several friends who have thought I was crazy dating guys a few years older than me… until they try it… and they say “why didn’t I do this sooner?” I mean, of course it’s not for everyone but I recommend any woman to try it at least once. I often hear that “we won’t have anything in common”… that’s a possibility with ANY man regardless of age. You’ll probably get along a lot better than you anticipated and have much more to talk about than you expected! It's just a few extra years they've lived ladies. IT IS NOT THAT BIG OF A DEAL!!! I am sure that I will have a few women thanking me after this blog and probably some men too!
It all started when I was just a little girl…
I was probably about 6 or 7 when it started… There was a guy who attended my church and I was totally and completely in love with this man. His name was Bro. Ralph. I remember in testimony service, I would say “Please pray for me, my family and everyone else I know, and Bro. Ralph.” Everyone thought it was so adorable, but I from the bottom of my heart meant it every single time I said it. Mind you, this man had kids older than me and of course at 6 or 7 I had no business being in love with anyone, but you get the picture. Older men have always been appealing to me.
Now obviously, nothing is ever 100%, so what I am about to talk about doesn't apply to ALL guys slightly older but for the sake of the blog, it is for all of the older men I would like to refer to. I asked a few women who also are interested in older men and the consensus is consistent. There are a few major reasons why we love older men.
Maturity. Everyone knows that women mature at a (much) faster rate than men. When I date an older man I feel that our maturity level is more comparable than a guy that is my age. I have always related better with people older than myself. I consider myself to be very mature :)
Stability. I am not looking for a sugar daddy in the least bit, but I definitely don’t want to be in a position where I am forced to take care of a man. I think it is reasonable of me to expect to have a man that is able to take care of me even though I don’t need him to. I am drawn to a man who has his stuff together to say the least. I don’t have the time to wait for a man to catch up to where I am talking about what they’re thinking about doing with their future.
Focus and goal oriented. An older guy is already reaching those goals he set for himself when he was in his early 20’s and his perspective is different because of his life experience. Something about this is so attractive to me!! A man with a plan is gets no better! Well it does get better, but you get the point! I think the most fetching thing I have ever heard is a guy I was dating was on a conference call. When he was talking business I literally started to picture our future lol!
Consistency and consideration. The games are over at this point for a man a few years older. He doesn’t have to do the “wait three days” rule or any other foolery that guys in their 20’s think is okay to do. If he says he’s going to do something, he’s going to do it. If he can’t do it, he will be straight forward with you. He will be considerate of your feelings and think a little more before he says or does anything because he has be through it enough to know how a woman will react. He cares about how something will affect you, and he will want your best interest to be at the forefront of his mind. Young guys don’t think about the outcome and say or do whatever they feel not thinking about what the result will be, and then think that an “I’m sorry” will fix it. At least with an older guy, gifts or a fancy dinner comes with the apology! You can cry infront of them, and instead of thinking you're a basketcase they'll be the shoulder you need to cry on and understand whatever emotion you are feeling. Their automatic response won't be "are you on your period or something?" And even if it is the reason, an older guy will know to shower you with chocolates and heating pads! He has a bit more sense...
More practical. I can’t stand someone who is cheap, but I do appreciate how an older guy plans for the future and buys what is affordable, not just because it’s popular. I think being practical and splurging everyone in awhile is the best way to go. Younger guys don’t really care about the rainy day and are enjoying the financially sunny days. I want someone who is better prepared with a few umbrellas when the storm comes.
And lastly…
More handsome! I don’t know why but the older men get the better looking they get! I think that Morris Chestnut is a perfect example. I saw an episode of the Cosby Show with him in it… he looked awful! Oh but time has brought about a change in his life! I jokingly say that there is one thing I hate about Black men, and it’s that they get better with age! I’m 26 and I have my wrinkle creams and under eye creams trying to keep it together and these men are looking flawless! And this is men of any race. For the majority, their skin does not crack, or if it does its still hot!
I have several friends who have thought I was crazy dating guys a few years older than me… until they try it… and they say “why didn’t I do this sooner?” I mean, of course it’s not for everyone but I recommend any woman to try it at least once. I often hear that “we won’t have anything in common”… that’s a possibility with ANY man regardless of age. You’ll probably get along a lot better than you anticipated and have much more to talk about than you expected! It's just a few extra years they've lived ladies. IT IS NOT THAT BIG OF A DEAL!!! I am sure that I will have a few women thanking me after this blog and probably some men too!
Monday, December 16, 2013
I don't want kids
I know that a ton of people will not agree with what I am about to say, and that’s okay—this is my blog lol.
I have heard so many times being a parent is a selfless act, but I beg to differ. When a person wants to become a parent, there is very little that will stand in their way. With the ever progressing medical advances children are able to be made outside of the womb and implanted into women, they can use fertility treatments, surrogacy, or they can have it the “natural” way. I put natural in quotations because natural isn’t always the natural way meaning that people don’t just let it happen. There are ovulation tests now to increase the probability of conceiving. You can also check your temperature at this time, I’m not too sure what that is about but it has something to do with potential conception. But all this being said, when a person is trying to get pregnant they say “I want a baby” or “I want a family” or “I want my child to be good at public speaking” or “I want my child to be creative” (my parents I’m sure said this one about me ;) )… Wow!! I want…
Becoming a parent is a very selfish act. Now, before you stop reading, hear me out on my reasoning. When a person decides that they want to become a parent, it is a decision that they make for the baby because of their own selfish desires. There is little consideration for what the child wants!! This goes for whether or not the parent keeps the baby, or if they decide to give the baby up whether by abortion or adoption. I appreciate that some people financially and mentally plan or prepare for children, which is only right, but parents want to mold their children into the person they want the child to be, and not the person that child wants to be. You want your kid to be an athlete so you put them into sports, you want your kid to be a musician so you put them into piano lessons, want them to be limber so you put them into gymnastics. A person can spend their whole life fantasizing on what they want their child or children to be like. We all have said “I want a boy and two girls” or “I want all girls” or “I don’t want kids at all” not thinking about anyone else though but themselves. Being a parent doesn’t mean to do what you want to do, but do what is best for the children. If you know you are unable to provide the life a child needs then you need to wait until you are able to do so. This means not only being financially stable, caring and loving, but also being in a stable relationship. Divorce is at such a high rate and I think people neglect to see how much that relationship falling apart in return seriously impacts the child. It isn’t just a relationship between the parents; it’s between the children as well. All children deserve a well-balanced household, and my heart breaks for the children who aren’t given that. Things happen, so I would hate for anyone to be offended by this part, because things happen that are out of our control, but you owe it to your children to at least try to make things work and this goes for both parents. Even if it is in two separate houses, parents need to try their best to be civil for the sake of children. I applaud and commend anyone who does this because it is HARD!
I have many times over said that I don’t want kids. Having a child is a big responsibility and I’m not sure if I want to take on that challenge. The world that we live in is hard. Life is extremely hard. When a parent has a child they decide when they expect their child to be ready to go off into the world on their own. I feel, in my own personal opinion, a parent should be responsible for their children until the children feel prepared to venture off. Because a child did not make the decision to be born, they should not be forced or pressured into adulthood. Some people are ready for it, I feel that I was because I have always been overly independent, but a bunch of people that I know are struggling with being an adult and the commitment or even burden that come along with it. Especially since some parents will coddle their children until their 18th birthday then throw them to the wolves. You have to prepare a child for what is out there in the world since the choice wasn’t theirs to be in this world, you need to at least give them the tools and training to equip them for what is out there. We are expected to be a child until we are 17 years old, then suddenly when we turn 18 or graduate high school, we are supposed to become all knowing and enlightened about our future goals and pick a college and think about careers. It can hit you like a ton of bricks! Parents are obligated, if nothing else, to guide their children and train them for how to deal with/react to what is to come. What I say also when I tell people I don’t want kids is that “I will have kids if God wants me to”. Being a parent should be a mission from God and not something that is for selfish gain for personal fulfillment of a long lasting fantasy of a perfect family. Children are indisputable a gift from the gracious Father above and should be taken seriously but sad to say I see so many people who couldn’t possibly care less about the responsibilities they have taken on as a parent. I think people should not try to force a child, if it is God’s will, it will happen. It’s God’s desire for us to be fruitful and multiple, but let’s not be like Octomom trying to compel babies into the world! And while so many couples across the world are trying to create a baby to love, there are thousands and thousands of kids who are looking for a family to love because their parents had made the decision to make him or her but neglected the role and duties that are required to raise a child. Life doesn’t always go as we plan, and it’s better to accept that now and accept God’s plan instead. I promise you His plan is the best plan!
To the parents who have put their children first (after God) and dedicated their lives to them, thank you. Especially to single parents who have taken the load on themselves that are determined to provide their child with an amazing life even when the other one bailed. It takes courage and strength and probably a bunch of tears. I could NEVER do it all on my own. I don’t even know if I could do it with the help of another parent. To the people who have put their children second or even further down the list of priorities… I’m praying for you…
I have heard so many times being a parent is a selfless act, but I beg to differ. When a person wants to become a parent, there is very little that will stand in their way. With the ever progressing medical advances children are able to be made outside of the womb and implanted into women, they can use fertility treatments, surrogacy, or they can have it the “natural” way. I put natural in quotations because natural isn’t always the natural way meaning that people don’t just let it happen. There are ovulation tests now to increase the probability of conceiving. You can also check your temperature at this time, I’m not too sure what that is about but it has something to do with potential conception. But all this being said, when a person is trying to get pregnant they say “I want a baby” or “I want a family” or “I want my child to be good at public speaking” or “I want my child to be creative” (my parents I’m sure said this one about me ;) )… Wow!! I want…
Becoming a parent is a very selfish act. Now, before you stop reading, hear me out on my reasoning. When a person decides that they want to become a parent, it is a decision that they make for the baby because of their own selfish desires. There is little consideration for what the child wants!! This goes for whether or not the parent keeps the baby, or if they decide to give the baby up whether by abortion or adoption. I appreciate that some people financially and mentally plan or prepare for children, which is only right, but parents want to mold their children into the person they want the child to be, and not the person that child wants to be. You want your kid to be an athlete so you put them into sports, you want your kid to be a musician so you put them into piano lessons, want them to be limber so you put them into gymnastics. A person can spend their whole life fantasizing on what they want their child or children to be like. We all have said “I want a boy and two girls” or “I want all girls” or “I don’t want kids at all” not thinking about anyone else though but themselves. Being a parent doesn’t mean to do what you want to do, but do what is best for the children. If you know you are unable to provide the life a child needs then you need to wait until you are able to do so. This means not only being financially stable, caring and loving, but also being in a stable relationship. Divorce is at such a high rate and I think people neglect to see how much that relationship falling apart in return seriously impacts the child. It isn’t just a relationship between the parents; it’s between the children as well. All children deserve a well-balanced household, and my heart breaks for the children who aren’t given that. Things happen, so I would hate for anyone to be offended by this part, because things happen that are out of our control, but you owe it to your children to at least try to make things work and this goes for both parents. Even if it is in two separate houses, parents need to try their best to be civil for the sake of children. I applaud and commend anyone who does this because it is HARD!
I have many times over said that I don’t want kids. Having a child is a big responsibility and I’m not sure if I want to take on that challenge. The world that we live in is hard. Life is extremely hard. When a parent has a child they decide when they expect their child to be ready to go off into the world on their own. I feel, in my own personal opinion, a parent should be responsible for their children until the children feel prepared to venture off. Because a child did not make the decision to be born, they should not be forced or pressured into adulthood. Some people are ready for it, I feel that I was because I have always been overly independent, but a bunch of people that I know are struggling with being an adult and the commitment or even burden that come along with it. Especially since some parents will coddle their children until their 18th birthday then throw them to the wolves. You have to prepare a child for what is out there in the world since the choice wasn’t theirs to be in this world, you need to at least give them the tools and training to equip them for what is out there. We are expected to be a child until we are 17 years old, then suddenly when we turn 18 or graduate high school, we are supposed to become all knowing and enlightened about our future goals and pick a college and think about careers. It can hit you like a ton of bricks! Parents are obligated, if nothing else, to guide their children and train them for how to deal with/react to what is to come. What I say also when I tell people I don’t want kids is that “I will have kids if God wants me to”. Being a parent should be a mission from God and not something that is for selfish gain for personal fulfillment of a long lasting fantasy of a perfect family. Children are indisputable a gift from the gracious Father above and should be taken seriously but sad to say I see so many people who couldn’t possibly care less about the responsibilities they have taken on as a parent. I think people should not try to force a child, if it is God’s will, it will happen. It’s God’s desire for us to be fruitful and multiple, but let’s not be like Octomom trying to compel babies into the world! And while so many couples across the world are trying to create a baby to love, there are thousands and thousands of kids who are looking for a family to love because their parents had made the decision to make him or her but neglected the role and duties that are required to raise a child. Life doesn’t always go as we plan, and it’s better to accept that now and accept God’s plan instead. I promise you His plan is the best plan!
To the parents who have put their children first (after God) and dedicated their lives to them, thank you. Especially to single parents who have taken the load on themselves that are determined to provide their child with an amazing life even when the other one bailed. It takes courage and strength and probably a bunch of tears. I could NEVER do it all on my own. I don’t even know if I could do it with the help of another parent. To the people who have put their children second or even further down the list of priorities… I’m praying for you…
Friday, December 6, 2013
Is it December yet?
I remember the first song I ever wrote. I was seven years old. It was called “Christmas is Jesus’ Birthday”. It had five lyrics to it, and three of them were repeated, but I was so proud of it. We even sang it a few times at my old church’s Christmas program. This is how it went:
Christmas is Jesus’ birthday,
Christmas is Jesus’ birthday,
Everyone gets presents!
Even Jesus!
Christmas is Jesus’ birthday!
Even though I held fast to the idea that Christmas was partially about me getting gratification from cozy sweaters, walkie talkies, easy bake ovens and a new bike (that I NEVER got!) I was still taught the true significance of Christmas and why it was so important to me as a young Christian.
Starting last Thursday, Thanksgiving, my nephew began asking me if it was December 1st yet. He asked me again Friday, and again on Saturday and I kept telling him no. Finally, on Saturday, I asked him why did he want it to be December 1st so badly? He told me because he wanted his Christmas presents! I explained to him that he would have to wait until the 25th and that he understood, he just knew though that if it was December that we were getting close. He’s too funny and he’s only six so I understand. He knows what Christmas is celebrating, but he has yet to understand it.
When did Christmas stop being about Christ and only about getting awesome gifts? I know for as long as I have been on this earth Christmas has been connected with getting presents. I remember, when I was my nephew’s age, coming back to school after the Winter Break and we all talked about what we got for Christmas… but very rarely did we discuss how great sunrise service was or how great we did in the Christmas program at church… I’m sure if I surveyed 100 random strangers and I asked them what they thought when they heard the word “Christmas” I would hear things like snow, Christmas trees, presents, candy canes, but very few would say “the celebration of the birth of Jesus”. Now, I know the actual date Jesus was born is debated and probably isn’t in December, but it’s a day to celebrate it so everyone needs to get over that!! I think that there are other opportunities during the year to celebrate our family and friends. I wonder what it would be like if we as a human race focused totally on the truly AWESOME gift God gave us when He sent Jesus, and the gift Jesus gave being willing to come to save us from sin and despair? If we allowed Jesus to fill the hole in our hearts, we wouldn’t even care about the things we seek after to give us joy and fulfillment in the form of material gain. Jesus is what we need. At the top of our Christmas list it should say “Jesus all the days of my life”. I know that’s what I want and what I NEED!
I wonder how people would look at me (especially the kids in my family) if I just stopped giving Christmas presents? Would they understand what I am doing, and WHY I’m doing it? I’m sure everyone would think I converted… lol. But are Christmas presents really necessary when that has nothing to REALLY do with what Christmas represents? Now, I know of the pagan connection to this holiday, but I am focused on the Christian celebration so get your mind right (lol).
I don’t think that my loved ones are ready for me to be anti-Christmas presents (I don’t want to be called Scrooge!), also because I enjoy getting gifts, but I think things need to change. I love to see the look on my family and loved ones faces when they are unwrapping a gift I gave them. I understand that companies look forward to this time every year to bring them out of the red and into the black and it is extremely financially beneficial for retailers as well as non-profits. For my own job, this time of year is literally the meat and potatoes of the year!
I’m very happy this time of year encourages people to do things for others and be charitable, but there are needy people out there ALL YEAR LONG! Don’t just wait until the holidays to show compassion to people in your community, and you can show love to your family all year round. And just as you do that, remember everyday that the birth of Jesus has affected us all and brought us to a place of grace. Without His birth, it would have never happened. JESUS’ BIRTH CHANGED MY LIFE!! And spend more TIME focusing on what Christmas really is rather than MONEY on what society wants you to believe what Christmas is all about.
Christmas is Jesus’ birthday,
Christmas is Jesus’ birthday,
Everyone gets presents!
Even Jesus!
Christmas is Jesus’ birthday!
Even though I held fast to the idea that Christmas was partially about me getting gratification from cozy sweaters, walkie talkies, easy bake ovens and a new bike (that I NEVER got!) I was still taught the true significance of Christmas and why it was so important to me as a young Christian.
Starting last Thursday, Thanksgiving, my nephew began asking me if it was December 1st yet. He asked me again Friday, and again on Saturday and I kept telling him no. Finally, on Saturday, I asked him why did he want it to be December 1st so badly? He told me because he wanted his Christmas presents! I explained to him that he would have to wait until the 25th and that he understood, he just knew though that if it was December that we were getting close. He’s too funny and he’s only six so I understand. He knows what Christmas is celebrating, but he has yet to understand it.
When did Christmas stop being about Christ and only about getting awesome gifts? I know for as long as I have been on this earth Christmas has been connected with getting presents. I remember, when I was my nephew’s age, coming back to school after the Winter Break and we all talked about what we got for Christmas… but very rarely did we discuss how great sunrise service was or how great we did in the Christmas program at church… I’m sure if I surveyed 100 random strangers and I asked them what they thought when they heard the word “Christmas” I would hear things like snow, Christmas trees, presents, candy canes, but very few would say “the celebration of the birth of Jesus”. Now, I know the actual date Jesus was born is debated and probably isn’t in December, but it’s a day to celebrate it so everyone needs to get over that!! I think that there are other opportunities during the year to celebrate our family and friends. I wonder what it would be like if we as a human race focused totally on the truly AWESOME gift God gave us when He sent Jesus, and the gift Jesus gave being willing to come to save us from sin and despair? If we allowed Jesus to fill the hole in our hearts, we wouldn’t even care about the things we seek after to give us joy and fulfillment in the form of material gain. Jesus is what we need. At the top of our Christmas list it should say “Jesus all the days of my life”. I know that’s what I want and what I NEED!
I wonder how people would look at me (especially the kids in my family) if I just stopped giving Christmas presents? Would they understand what I am doing, and WHY I’m doing it? I’m sure everyone would think I converted… lol. But are Christmas presents really necessary when that has nothing to REALLY do with what Christmas represents? Now, I know of the pagan connection to this holiday, but I am focused on the Christian celebration so get your mind right (lol).
I don’t think that my loved ones are ready for me to be anti-Christmas presents (I don’t want to be called Scrooge!), also because I enjoy getting gifts, but I think things need to change. I love to see the look on my family and loved ones faces when they are unwrapping a gift I gave them. I understand that companies look forward to this time every year to bring them out of the red and into the black and it is extremely financially beneficial for retailers as well as non-profits. For my own job, this time of year is literally the meat and potatoes of the year!
I’m very happy this time of year encourages people to do things for others and be charitable, but there are needy people out there ALL YEAR LONG! Don’t just wait until the holidays to show compassion to people in your community, and you can show love to your family all year round. And just as you do that, remember everyday that the birth of Jesus has affected us all and brought us to a place of grace. Without His birth, it would have never happened. JESUS’ BIRTH CHANGED MY LIFE!! And spend more TIME focusing on what Christmas really is rather than MONEY on what society wants you to believe what Christmas is all about.
Friday, November 15, 2013
A secret wedding
I know everyone opened up this blog assuming it was me! No!! lol, I didn't get married secretly but I know someone who did...
This past weekend, one of my co-workers got married. It wasn't anything big, they weren't even dressed up. Her daughter performed the ceremony in their backyard and the grandkids took pictures with their camera phones. Talk about low key! None of us even knew about it until one of her friend’s who volunteers at my job spilled the beans the Monday after! Now let me say this early my co-worker has been with this man for like over 20 years, and they live together. So marriage to her was not a big deal because to her they were already “basically” married. But she typically tells all about everything and anything that happens because we are basically family in our office. Several stories she’s told me I’ve heard at least 5 times so she definitely isn’t a shy gal! When I found out, I immediately sent out an email to the staff telling them what happened and arranged a small “bridal shower/wedding reception” for her. And of course it was a surprise. So we pulled our money together and I went to shopping!! I spent every last dime of the money and then some to make sure that we could give her the nicest surprise party on such short notice. Some of my co-workers also brought in prepared dishes and I got the cake and even purchased one of those wedding toppers with the bride and groom for it. We were scurrying around trying to decorate our conference room with streamers, confetti, cute party favors shaped like wedding dresses and tuxedos, balloons (that went flat ) flowers and center pieces to make sure it was beautiful. We also were convinced that she knew what was going on because she normally is completely nosey! People from our other offices even came by to help celebrate. While I was running back and forth trying to get everything together, one of my co-workers asked me “why are you so in to this? You’re going all out!” In my mind I feel like I hadn’t done enough, and I replied “I’m not going all out for this, you think I am?” and his response was “yes!” Regardless, I was beyond happy to put it together even if I did seem to be going overboard! It couldn’t help me self!
Finally, it was time to bring the bride in! I got everyone in the conference room and went to tell her that there was something I needed her to check in there so she followed me and when I opened the door everyone started yelling congratulations to her! And what I was hoping for happened; she started to cry. One thing that I always try to do is make people cry… tears of joy of course! I wanted her to feel like a bride and when I asked her did she feel like that she said she did. I’m not trying to give myself props for doing this, but I’m really glad I did because I found some very devastating new out in regards to why they finally decided to tie the knot.
A few months ago, my co-worker’s husband got sick. He only had about 40% of his lungs working before he even got sick. He ended up being hospitalized and found out he had pneumonia. After this he needed to use an oxygen tank when he was released. This part I knew what I didn’t know is the next part… He already has emphysema… and there is big change he has lung cancer. So, the two wanted to go ahead and get married in case anything may happen.
The purpose of this blog could be so many different things, like reasons not to smoke, or why people have secret weddings, how to put together a party in 3 days, is marriage just a piece of paper, but I want to take it a different direction.
When I found out about what she was going through, I was so happy that I did do all that I could to make it special for her. She is probably going through all types of hurt and pain right now and having a party that was all about her and all for her really touched her heart. It’s possible that she may be losing the love of her life soon. That is a dreadful thought in itself, but for it to be a reality it about 1,000,000 times worse. And I had no idea that she was dealing with any of this.
So, I understand now why she wasn’t so excited at first and I also understand why something inside of me kept pushing me to do as much as I could. It was a lot of work crammed into a very short amount of time but it was totally worth it to do something nice for someone who was going through so much in her life right now. At that very moment, she needed that love and support we were giving her and we didn't even know it. She needed a smile and a hug more than we could have ever imagined. It seems it came right on time.
One of the sayings I heard from my mom growing up is “a heap see but a few know”. You never really know what’s going on with someone just from looking on the outside. We all have our own burdens to bear and we all should be sensitive to that. You can’t expect people to react to things a certain type of way just because you do. That’s unrealistic if we are all supposed to be individuals at the same time!
So, the purpose of this blog… when you feel something inside of you pushing you to do something, do it. There is some reason why you can’t shake that feeling; someone is depending on you to be the one to show them you care about them when they probably feel at that moment no one cares at all what they are going through. I feel that this is something God is really wearing on me, to show love to others in ways I have never before. Don’t doubt those sensations you have to do something whether it is for someone else or for yourself. There is a reason for it even if you don’t understand. When you don’t know, God knows. Don’t deny what you feel in the pit of your stomach. So hug somebody, show some compassion and leniancy, tell them you love them even when there is no relevant reason in your eyes. Who knows, it might actually save someone’s life someday.
Also, anyone who reads this and is a believer, please pray for them, I would really appreciate it.
This past weekend, one of my co-workers got married. It wasn't anything big, they weren't even dressed up. Her daughter performed the ceremony in their backyard and the grandkids took pictures with their camera phones. Talk about low key! None of us even knew about it until one of her friend’s who volunteers at my job spilled the beans the Monday after! Now let me say this early my co-worker has been with this man for like over 20 years, and they live together. So marriage to her was not a big deal because to her they were already “basically” married. But she typically tells all about everything and anything that happens because we are basically family in our office. Several stories she’s told me I’ve heard at least 5 times so she definitely isn’t a shy gal! When I found out, I immediately sent out an email to the staff telling them what happened and arranged a small “bridal shower/wedding reception” for her. And of course it was a surprise. So we pulled our money together and I went to shopping!! I spent every last dime of the money and then some to make sure that we could give her the nicest surprise party on such short notice. Some of my co-workers also brought in prepared dishes and I got the cake and even purchased one of those wedding toppers with the bride and groom for it. We were scurrying around trying to decorate our conference room with streamers, confetti, cute party favors shaped like wedding dresses and tuxedos, balloons (that went flat ) flowers and center pieces to make sure it was beautiful. We also were convinced that she knew what was going on because she normally is completely nosey! People from our other offices even came by to help celebrate. While I was running back and forth trying to get everything together, one of my co-workers asked me “why are you so in to this? You’re going all out!” In my mind I feel like I hadn’t done enough, and I replied “I’m not going all out for this, you think I am?” and his response was “yes!” Regardless, I was beyond happy to put it together even if I did seem to be going overboard! It couldn’t help me self!
Finally, it was time to bring the bride in! I got everyone in the conference room and went to tell her that there was something I needed her to check in there so she followed me and when I opened the door everyone started yelling congratulations to her! And what I was hoping for happened; she started to cry. One thing that I always try to do is make people cry… tears of joy of course! I wanted her to feel like a bride and when I asked her did she feel like that she said she did. I’m not trying to give myself props for doing this, but I’m really glad I did because I found some very devastating new out in regards to why they finally decided to tie the knot.
A few months ago, my co-worker’s husband got sick. He only had about 40% of his lungs working before he even got sick. He ended up being hospitalized and found out he had pneumonia. After this he needed to use an oxygen tank when he was released. This part I knew what I didn’t know is the next part… He already has emphysema… and there is big change he has lung cancer. So, the two wanted to go ahead and get married in case anything may happen.
The purpose of this blog could be so many different things, like reasons not to smoke, or why people have secret weddings, how to put together a party in 3 days, is marriage just a piece of paper, but I want to take it a different direction.
When I found out about what she was going through, I was so happy that I did do all that I could to make it special for her. She is probably going through all types of hurt and pain right now and having a party that was all about her and all for her really touched her heart. It’s possible that she may be losing the love of her life soon. That is a dreadful thought in itself, but for it to be a reality it about 1,000,000 times worse. And I had no idea that she was dealing with any of this.
So, I understand now why she wasn’t so excited at first and I also understand why something inside of me kept pushing me to do as much as I could. It was a lot of work crammed into a very short amount of time but it was totally worth it to do something nice for someone who was going through so much in her life right now. At that very moment, she needed that love and support we were giving her and we didn't even know it. She needed a smile and a hug more than we could have ever imagined. It seems it came right on time.
One of the sayings I heard from my mom growing up is “a heap see but a few know”. You never really know what’s going on with someone just from looking on the outside. We all have our own burdens to bear and we all should be sensitive to that. You can’t expect people to react to things a certain type of way just because you do. That’s unrealistic if we are all supposed to be individuals at the same time!
So, the purpose of this blog… when you feel something inside of you pushing you to do something, do it. There is some reason why you can’t shake that feeling; someone is depending on you to be the one to show them you care about them when they probably feel at that moment no one cares at all what they are going through. I feel that this is something God is really wearing on me, to show love to others in ways I have never before. Don’t doubt those sensations you have to do something whether it is for someone else or for yourself. There is a reason for it even if you don’t understand. When you don’t know, God knows. Don’t deny what you feel in the pit of your stomach. So hug somebody, show some compassion and leniancy, tell them you love them even when there is no relevant reason in your eyes. Who knows, it might actually save someone’s life someday.
Also, anyone who reads this and is a believer, please pray for them, I would really appreciate it.
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
I don't speak Italian!!!
The United States is such a culturally diverse country. Many of the population have mixed backgrounds. My dad is Italian and my mom is Black. I cannot possibly count or estimate the amount of times people have asked me if I speak Italian. I’ve had people look at me with a glare that is a mixture between horror and disgust when I say no. Not only that, people have natural assumptions about who I am because of being Italian that are completely false. Is it that people in the US have lost touch with our cultures, are we expected to stay true to our roots, or do we let go of our cultures and adapt to Americanized lifestyles?
This is something that will probably eventually have a part 2, but this is what I have on my mind for now...
My dad is not from Italy. My grandparents aren’t even from Italy. Their parents were but I never met any of them. For some reason, there is this idea that if you are Italian though, that naturally you speak the language, had an Italian flag tattooed on your bicep, crucifix around your neck, have a first communion party, and eat pasta with every meal and at snack time. It’s like people find themselves disappointed in me as well as my family with not keeping me connected with my roots because I don’t carry the same traditions as my people! But I don’t see too many other nationalities doing the same here in the U.S.!!! I have never heard someone be asked if they speak Portuguese or French or Dutch or Greek just because of where their ancestors come from so what makes it so different with Italians? I think that all that goes on on the East Coast with the guidos and guidettes of Jersey Shore and all the other shows, people assume it’s applicable across the country! People ask me things like “do you say gravy or sauce?” “where is your family from in Italy?” “are you Sicilian” “do you know any mob members?” “is your family apart of the mafia?” It gets relatively funny. But here is the thing: most people lose touch with their culture living in America. I would naively want to say its unintentional, but what did all of those immigrants entering in this country at Ellis Island think they were going to do? Bring Italy to America and seize the land? No! People come here for individualism, self identity, freedom, and new beginnings. I think having connections to my roots is very important, but I do not make my own pasta from scratch and I have no intention to, ever. But I do love pasta, and bread with olive oil :) If I were Latina, I’d understand speaking Spanish fluently because there are so many people who speak Spanish especially in California. But if I learned Italian, who am I going to speak with? Myself? I would rather master the English language, and live the life of an American.
No one ever asks me do I hold fast to any of the traditions from my African roots. Maybe people figure that is a sensitive subject since I have not the slightest idea of what part in Africa from which my family came. It pretty crazy, something about being Italian makes people think I’m from the Old Country!
A culture isn’t necessarily based on race of country of origin. A culture can be based on age, or cities, or religion or any other aspect that can identify you with a group of people. So don’t think that just because a person doesn’t identify with the “culture” you expect, doesn’t mean they aren’t apart of any culture! I am apart of the mixed, middle child, left handed, ex-cheerleader, creative minded, sandwich loving, awesome hair, Jesus loving culture, and I am proud of it!
P.S. I don't get offended or angered by this, so if you asked me this in the past, no worries! :)
This is something that will probably eventually have a part 2, but this is what I have on my mind for now...
My dad is not from Italy. My grandparents aren’t even from Italy. Their parents were but I never met any of them. For some reason, there is this idea that if you are Italian though, that naturally you speak the language, had an Italian flag tattooed on your bicep, crucifix around your neck, have a first communion party, and eat pasta with every meal and at snack time. It’s like people find themselves disappointed in me as well as my family with not keeping me connected with my roots because I don’t carry the same traditions as my people! But I don’t see too many other nationalities doing the same here in the U.S.!!! I have never heard someone be asked if they speak Portuguese or French or Dutch or Greek just because of where their ancestors come from so what makes it so different with Italians? I think that all that goes on on the East Coast with the guidos and guidettes of Jersey Shore and all the other shows, people assume it’s applicable across the country! People ask me things like “do you say gravy or sauce?” “where is your family from in Italy?” “are you Sicilian” “do you know any mob members?” “is your family apart of the mafia?” It gets relatively funny. But here is the thing: most people lose touch with their culture living in America. I would naively want to say its unintentional, but what did all of those immigrants entering in this country at Ellis Island think they were going to do? Bring Italy to America and seize the land? No! People come here for individualism, self identity, freedom, and new beginnings. I think having connections to my roots is very important, but I do not make my own pasta from scratch and I have no intention to, ever. But I do love pasta, and bread with olive oil :) If I were Latina, I’d understand speaking Spanish fluently because there are so many people who speak Spanish especially in California. But if I learned Italian, who am I going to speak with? Myself? I would rather master the English language, and live the life of an American.
No one ever asks me do I hold fast to any of the traditions from my African roots. Maybe people figure that is a sensitive subject since I have not the slightest idea of what part in Africa from which my family came. It pretty crazy, something about being Italian makes people think I’m from the Old Country!
A culture isn’t necessarily based on race of country of origin. A culture can be based on age, or cities, or religion or any other aspect that can identify you with a group of people. So don’t think that just because a person doesn’t identify with the “culture” you expect, doesn’t mean they aren’t apart of any culture! I am apart of the mixed, middle child, left handed, ex-cheerleader, creative minded, sandwich loving, awesome hair, Jesus loving culture, and I am proud of it!
P.S. I don't get offended or angered by this, so if you asked me this in the past, no worries! :)
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
Women on the Move for God
This is the message I spoke at the 1st Saturday Women's Meeting this past weekend. It is written towards women since it was a women meeting, but it is for men as well! Enjoy!
A woman on the move for God
1 Cor 15:1-2, 58-- Moreover, brethren, I declare to you the gospel which I preached to you, which also you received and in which you stand, 2 by which also you are saved, if you hold fast that word which I preached to you—unless you believed in vain.
58: Therefore, my beloved brethren, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your labor is not in vain in the Lord.
Who here has ever been under attack by the enemy?
Have you ever noticed how the devil works? He waits until you are going about your day, thinking everything if fine and dandy enjoying life and BOOOOM!! Sideswiped! See saints, the devil is waiting, lurking, looking for the opportunity where you aren’t paying attention to knock you off balance!
I know this is about being on the move for God, but sometimes being on the move for God means being unmovable! Let me say that again…sometimes being on the move for God means being unmovable!
When we take on the responsibility of a Christian, we have to take a stance against everything opposing our faith, and to stand firmly in God when the devil attacks!
Jeremiah 17:7-8--“Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD,
And whose hope is the LORD.
8 For he shall be like a tree planted by the waters,
Which spreads out its roots by the river,
And will not fear when heat comes;
But its leaf will be green,
And will not be anxious in the year of drought,
Nor will cease from yielding fruit.
Being planted, rooted, and unmovable in God leads to a blessed life! But let’s read a few scriptures before this to see what happens when you are moved by the devil and allow him to knock you off balance…
Jeremiah 17:5-6--“Cursed is the man who trusts in man
And makes flesh his strength,
Whose heart departs from the LORD.
6 For he shall be like a shrub in the desert,
And shall not see when good comes,
But shall inhabit the parched places in the wilderness,
In a salt land which is not inhabited.
I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to do ANYTHING that will cause me to be cursed by God! Our strength to move forward is not in flesh, but is in God!
Let me tell you about a woman who decided not to keep moving …
Story of Lot’s wife found in Genesis 18-19—The city of Sodom was defiled and sinful. God was going to destroy it but Abraham pleaded with God not to destroy the righteous with the wicked. God decided to give Lot (Abraham’s nephew) and his family a way out because of their faith. They were unfortunately the only ones righteous in the city. Lot was instructed him to take his family and leave and to not look back. But this silly woman, Lot’s wife looked back at what she used to have, what she used to be, the friends she used to have and God turned her into a pillar of salt!
Every time you think about looking back, read Luke 17:32 and remember Lot’s wife!
Who in life wants to move backwards? Raise your hand, show me! See, no one wants to go back. I love being grown and making it to this point in life. It would be like moving back into my mama’s house, having her change me and bathe me. I’ve grown, I’ve moved forward.
Who wants to get a demotion on their job? Walk in one day a project manager, walk out the intern! When you’re a project manager, you want to move up to CFO, COO, CEO, president of the company you don’t want to go back!
You’ve worked so hard to get where you are. You’ve prayed and sacrificed, cried yourself to sleep at night and pushed your way. You cannot turn around now! You’ve worked too hard!
Phil 3:13-- Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before
The more you turn back, the longer to will take you to move forward. Who has ever gotten lost driving before? Isn’t that the worst ever? Giving up is like having directions on how to get somewhere, but you throw away the directions, go back to the beginning and start all over! Don’t do that to yourself, people of God!
All those things in your past should be a distant memory, not a dream or desire for your future! Throw away your rose colored glasses, the past wasn’t that pretty! When God says it’s time to move on, it’s time to MOVE ON!!!
There is nothing in your past to look forward to! It’s not worth compromising your future.
Phil 3:14-- I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.
Forward is our goal, HEAVEN is our goal. We have to remember there IS a reward after all the hard work!
Everywhere you go, women of God, people should stop and stare saying “look at her on the mooove!” The worst thing possible for you to hear is “she has so much potential!”
You want to know why people turn back? Because going back on a familiar path is easy. Sinning is easy, being stubborn is easy, being LAZY is easy, not reading your bible is easy, and forgetting to pray is easy. Moving forward in God is hard!!!.... IF you’re doing it all alone… But guess what? God never said that you are in this alone!
When the winds of life start to blowing, trying to knock you down and you feel like you can’t move and stop you grab your bible to block the winds! Grab the saints of God to help push you, strengthening you against the winds! And above all, call on the name of God, stretch forth your hand to Him so He can pull you forward!
Isaiah 41:10--Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.
Matthew 28:20—(teaching them to observe all things that I have commanded you; and) lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the world
Women of God, move forward with God, don’t let anyone or anything stand in your way!
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