Monday, December 16, 2013

I don't want kids

I know that a ton of people will not agree with what I am about to say, and that’s okay—this is my blog lol.

I have heard so many times being a parent is a selfless act, but I beg to differ. When a person wants to become a parent, there is very little that will stand in their way. With the ever progressing medical advances children are able to be made outside of the womb and implanted into women, they can use fertility treatments, surrogacy, or they can have it the “natural” way. I put natural in quotations because natural isn’t always the natural way meaning that people don’t just let it happen. There are ovulation tests now to increase the probability of conceiving. You can also check your temperature at this time, I’m not too sure what that is about but it has something to do with potential conception. But all this being said, when a person is trying to get pregnant they say “I want a baby” or “I want a family” or “I want my child to be good at public speaking” or “I want my child to be creative” (my parents I’m sure said this one about me ;) )… Wow!! I want…

Becoming a parent is a very selfish act. Now, before you stop reading, hear me out on my reasoning. When a person decides that they want to become a parent, it is a decision that they make for the baby because of their own selfish desires. There is little consideration for what the child wants!! This goes for whether or not the parent keeps the baby, or if they decide to give the baby up whether by abortion or adoption. I appreciate that some people financially and mentally plan or prepare for children, which is only right, but parents want to mold their children into the person they want the child to be, and not the person that child wants to be. You want your kid to be an athlete so you put them into sports, you want your kid to be a musician so you put them into piano lessons, want them to be limber so you put them into gymnastics. A person can spend their whole life fantasizing on what they want their child or children to be like. We all have said “I want a boy and two girls” or “I want all girls” or “I don’t want kids at all” not thinking about anyone else though but themselves. Being a parent doesn’t mean to do what you want to do, but do what is best for the children. If you know you are unable to provide the life a child needs then you need to wait until you are able to do so. This means not only being financially stable, caring and loving, but also being in a stable relationship. Divorce is at such a high rate and I think people neglect to see how much that relationship falling apart in return seriously impacts the child. It isn’t just a relationship between the parents; it’s between the children as well. All children deserve a well-balanced household, and my heart breaks for the children who aren’t given that. Things happen, so I would hate for anyone to be offended by this part, because things happen that are out of our control, but you owe it to your children to at least try to make things work and this goes for both parents. Even if it is in two separate houses, parents need to try their best to be civil for the sake of children. I applaud and commend anyone who does this because it is HARD!

I have many times over said that I don’t want kids. Having a child is a big responsibility and I’m not sure if I want to take on that challenge. The world that we live in is hard. Life is extremely hard. When a parent has a child they decide when they expect their child to be ready to go off into the world on their own. I feel, in my own personal opinion, a parent should be responsible for their children until the children feel prepared to venture off. Because a child did not make the decision to be born, they should not be forced or pressured into adulthood. Some people are ready for it, I feel that I was because I have always been overly independent, but a bunch of people that I know are struggling with being an adult and the commitment or even burden that come along with it. Especially since some parents will coddle their children until their 18th birthday then throw them to the wolves. You have to prepare a child for what is out there in the world since the choice wasn’t theirs to be in this world, you need to at least give them the tools and training to equip them for what is out there. We are expected to be a child until we are 17 years old, then suddenly when we turn 18 or graduate high school, we are supposed to become all knowing and enlightened about our future goals and pick a college and think about careers. It can hit you like a ton of bricks! Parents are obligated, if nothing else, to guide their children and train them for how to deal with/react to what is to come. What I say also when I tell people I don’t want kids is that “I will have kids if God wants me to”. Being a parent should be a mission from God and not something that is for selfish gain for personal fulfillment of a long lasting fantasy of a perfect family. Children are indisputable a gift from the gracious Father above and should be taken seriously but sad to say I see so many people who couldn’t possibly care less about the responsibilities they have taken on as a parent. I think people should not try to force a child, if it is God’s will, it will happen. It’s God’s desire for us to be fruitful and multiple, but let’s not be like Octomom trying to compel babies into the world! And while so many couples across the world are trying to create a baby to love, there are thousands and thousands of kids who are looking for a family to love because their parents had made the decision to make him or her but neglected the role and duties that are required to raise a child. Life doesn’t always go as we plan, and it’s better to accept that now and accept God’s plan instead. I promise you His plan is the best plan!

To the parents who have put their children first (after God) and dedicated their lives to them, thank you. Especially to single parents who have taken the load on themselves that are determined to provide their child with an amazing life even when the other one bailed. It takes courage and strength and probably a bunch of tears. I could NEVER do it all on my own. I don’t even know if I could do it with the help of another parent. To the people who have put their children second or even further down the list of priorities… I’m praying for you…

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